To feel a bit resentful towards my dsis and how it's affected my kids.

[spaceDr]

Dsis still lives with parents and is basically demanding, and hard work to live with. She is like a tornado when she has an explosive episode and it really affects your own mental health living with her. Its exhausting and stressful Because of this I don't visit my parents that much and basically over the years it's obviously affected my kids relationship with them. They are more closer to DHS parents as they visit them more.

Our DMs life basically revolves around her trying to appease her and make her life as easy as possible . She tells me not to drop the children as she can't handle dsis as well as my kids too. So it's meant even though my parents live close by I haven't been able to ask them for childcare help. People assume they must help out lots as they are quite close by but it couldn't be further from the truth.

Its only as the kids are growing up now that I have really started noticing the impact of it.

Can’t your parents come to you?

They do but not that often and it's more of a very quick visit as they're passing. If I invite them over for an afternoon for a meal etc I also have to invite dsis.

You don’t have to though.

How old is your sister? Does she work/study, spend time with friends? Your parents could visit then, maybe

Yes, how old is your sister and are there any MH issues at play?

As hard as it is OP, you have to let it go.

I'm no contact with my Sis. She's bossy, demanding, grasping, and plays my mum like a fiddle.

When she snaps her fingers my mum jumps and I don't have time for any of it. I have a DP and (grown) DCs who are my priority by far.

My DCs are actually close to their aunt and Gran, when they see them. But honestly it's not a big deal or conversation re why we don't see them often.

Why do you say if you invite your parents you have to invite your sister? You don’t.

She is mid thirties. She has OCD which is managed ok but im not sure if it's because DM sorts everything out for her so she doesn't have to deal with it. She works full-time. There's no other mental health issues and she is healthy.

Well DM wont come if I don't invite plus I would get an earful of how ok leaving her out etc.

*im

MistressDeeCee I think you're right. I do just need to let it go and tbh I do most of the time but every now and again it does make me feel a bit sad. That's all

Oh good Lord. Your parents are enabling her. I used to know a woman who held her parents to ransom with her outburst. Last I heard she'd married and had a baby whilst living with her parents. She also wouldn't work so I guess they're stuck with her.

If your adult sister can manage to function sufficiently to hold down a full time job then she is able to manager her emotions perfectly well. Anyone who has explosive tantrums at work would be fired - so she can clearly control her behaviour. Which means that your parents are enabling her and she abusing them.

From your posts, it sounds like neither your parents or sister will change this pattern - so all you can do is change how you react and deal with it. I would be tempted to tell them categorically that they have prioritised their relationship with your sister for too long and to the detriment of their relationship with you, and that if they are willing to redress this then you would be delighted but if they continue to , for example, refuse invitations to your own unless your sister is involved, then I would be telling them that I wasn't interested in maintaining a relationship. It's hard. I have a similar dynamic in my own family and I have backed away emotionally and physically and I really don't care too much anymore.

home..not..own!