Where do all the socks go?

[TyneTeas]

We rarely seem to need to throw any away yet we frequently need to buy new ones due to shortages (everyone's, so not just teen DCs hording washing)

I regularly reckon I take fewer out of the washer than went in.

Do they tie themselves together and escape down a self-formed ladder out a secret hatch in the back of the washer?

Where do they all go?!

Ah! I know.

There is a one legged man and a one legged woman. They sneak into people’s houses in the night and steal single socks and single stockings. And you get left with the odd ones. It’ true !

They elope with Tupperware lids. Fact.

At a cursoryglance, there is a fairly equal number of containers and lids in my cupboard. Until you try to pair them. It may as well be a school disco for younger kids with the lids down one side and containers down another that absolutely do not pair off

If they are taking socks from my house they must be taking pairs so they have spares

It's a little complicated to explain but here's a diagram of the mechanism of apparent disappearance.

Same place as mine go. Along with my teaspoons.

Same here Tyne
10 containers, 10 lids, 1 matching set between them. They invite their mates round then do a runner with the socks.

Ds1 in particular is a bugger for socks. I've refused to buy him any more pairs until he finds where some of them are.
With his appetite I'm convinced he must be eating them.

Honestly, I've solved it in my house. Years I've been working this out, then last week DH casually says, "I never seem to wear a pair of socks, they always seem to be odd"...

So, basically, he's been separating them in his sock drawer, wearing odd pairs, who h he puts into the wash. Then I can never pair them afterwards, because the other sock is always STILL IN HIS SOCK DRAWER.

The Sock Goblin takes them. He collects them and takes them to the bottom of the garden, where he lives with the Teaspoon Fairy.

This is a never ending issue for me. I even put them in a little bag in the washing machine and I still have no pairs- where do they go??

I think I may have a sort of solution. I always buy packs of identical socks, three or more pairs. After washing I check for holes, those that have holes I lob in the bin and put the other back in the drawer. Plastic lids and things I have no idea. Although I have caught OH mixing up plaster, fibreglass resin in them in the garage.

My youngest steals them all and unravels them.

They cross into a nearby timeline. Occasionally socks from a nearby timeline will slip into ours. Thus everything is odd.

Meh.. I've just come to the conclusion that I have a black hole in my tumble dryer that sucks in nothing but socks.
Please note, don't say this kind of thing in front of your DC, I caught mine with their heads in the dryer looking for said black hole

The go to the same place where all the calculators go.

Same place my teaspoons and forks go I'm guessing. The knives and big spoons never leave though, they are very loyal.

Is that PolyCotton Heaven Trout?

Socks are afraid of the wash. When you wash them they choose one of their number to act as a sacrifice to the clothes god in exchange for deliverance from the wet and sudsy hell. The sacrifice is slowly unravelled during the course of the wash.

The sock retreats by whatever means into the pipes leading out of the washer. It hibernates deep in the bowels of the house until it receives some sort of signal, then it pupates into a coat hanger, and makes its way out, come what may.

In effect, socks are the larval form of coat hangers.

Looking at the motorways, I would say that they launch themselves out of moving vehicles during journeys, with a shoe to keep them company. Sometimes a t.shirt will make a break for it and join them.

There’s a little goblin who lives in my house who melts and hammers teaspoons into coat hangers. My best guess is that he eats the odd socks (and sucks the ink out of pens)

Missing socks and teaspoons keep the universe in balance against the ever increasing numbers of small ceramic dishes and Calpol syringes.

The night visitors who mix up the lidded coffee cups so you have a selection of cups and lids which don't fit use them as sleeping bags.

I don't have teaspoon thieves or coat hanger makers, maybe it is regional?