To feel totally and utterly pissed off?

[fluffypudcats]

2 years ago they found a massive brain tumour. It was huge (bigger than a fist) I was critical. They removed it, it was benign and post surgery was wonderful. It took a year to recover but I wasn't in pain. I hadn't realised I was until I found I wasn't IYSWIM. Took a year but got back to work though needed to change jobs due to sensory overload in existing job. Been there 4 months. After a year, I discovered I had a second benign tumour that had been there all along but had been forgotten about due to the life threatening situation with the first one. I just burst out laughing when they told me. It's the size of a grape - nothing in comparison.

I get annual scans. November, they find regrowth; significant regrowth. I need radiotherapy. 6 weeks every day. "Hopefully" I won't need further treatment. Further treatment could involve partial face reconstruction. It's this final bit that's pissed me off. How fucking dare it. My life was getting back on track. New work were great then I drop them in it from a great height.

Problem is I don't live in the UK. Think crown dependency. So for treatment, I have to move to stay in a hotel. No family or friends with me. No pets. No cooking facilities for dinners.

I want to kick and scream and shout. And cry, but I can't do that since surgery so I have to put up with 😭. I have been so bloody positive through it all. It genuinely hasn't phased me, until now. And now I'm so ANGRY.

Tell me IANBU, please.

In tears. Girl cat had her leg amputated in July - cancer. Clear margins etc. Vet very happy. Found a lump last week. Biopsy result - squamous cell carcinoma. With my radiotherapy about to start, I won't get to see her for 6 weeks.

That sucks, your poor cat. These things really do come all at once don’t they? What’s the prognosis for your cat?

I don't know. She's 15 but to me, she still appears well. The vet is phoning an oncologist on Tuesday but to take clear margins will be a tough job apparently. I start radiotherapy in a week or so, where I'll have to live away from home for 6 weeks. I'm a wreck

Of course you are, this all sounds devestatingly stressful. I’d be beside myself if it was one of my cats. Are you reassured at least that someone you trust will be caring for her?

The next six weeks must feel like they may as well be six years? You will come through the other side though.

I know you said that you have sensory issues whilst your ill but are there any distractions for you?

(Also feel free to show off your feline friend if you want to/feel comfortable putting pictures online. I don’t feel there are enough pictures of cats on the internet )

My mum is looking after them at hers (her brother too). All the shit thrown at me has been no problem. I've not cried once. Her amputation didn't faze me. This has led to a full on emotional collapse.

Aw she’s lovely! My girls are both black cats I’m glad your mum is looking after her.

It’s sometimes easier being the one going through something. You know what you can handle. Watching helplessly as someone we love suffers is heartbreaking. You’re perfectly normal and in fact entitled to crumble. Let yourself go for a bit, it’s ok to do that, then you pick yourself up and battle on. Partly because you have to but mostly because you can

She's lovely and thank you for those comments. They are the only things to have shared my life with for 15years. Boycat and I are going to really struggle. I hope she gets through my treatment so I'm hereto make the decision. I hope she makes it to April so Dad can come and say bye. But I doubt it

Well I’m rooting for all of you

Fingers crossed for your family including the furry ones.

We're just moving this to chat for the OP.

I've got (verbal) confirmation of my radiotherapy dates! Less than a week 😵 I need to sort flights, accommodation, work, packing, telling people, cats etc etc etc etc! Someone calm me down, PLEASE