Decluttering when you live with a ‘hoarder’

[ItsMyIssue]

Just finished a part refurb of the house. I have now started a declutter. The massive problem is with DH, he has 3 wardrobes full of clothes, office full of computer things, hobby stuff and equipment. The double garage is full, the loft is full. His reasoning is ‘we might need it, we don’t want to pay out to replace it’. The thing is he has so much stuff he doesn’t even know what he’s got. His solution is to get more storage. I’m so fed up. The refurb was to improve our home but it’s made it worse, as all this stuff is now everywhere waiting to be sorted. I’ve offered to help but ‘I wouldn’t know what’s important’ and he had very little free time to do it. Suggestions? Please help.

there’s a generation of people struggling with belongings that no previous generation could afford to accumulate. It may be more productive to discuss the issue in terms of the zeitgeist rather than jumping in with pathologies and labels

This is very true and very well summed up.
back in the day stuff was expensive and housing was generally affordable, now it's cheaper to buy stuff but much harder to afford a roof under which to store it!

Serious question though, why is "stuff" always seen as "bad" now? I have a lot of things. I've travelled a fair bit and picked up stuff on my travels. I like to read and have a lot of books. There are also some items i collect. My house is clean and tidy. I don't fall over anything! I imagine many people would see it as clutter though. But I love these things. They "spark joy" in me! I've watched all the shows, from what I've seen a boarder keeps useless objects like 50 empty milk cartons! Having more stuff than a minimalist doesn't make you a hoarder. Minimalism is a nightmare concept to me. I would find my home really depressing if it only contained functional items, with may be just one or two personal things.

If someone wants to embrace minimalism, great. Everyone can live how they choose! But if you've always been ok with a partner having things but you want to make a change, it seems a bit unreasonable to expect them to embrace it too. Just because it's what you want.

Like the OP. Her partner didn't end up with 3 wardrobes of clothes overnight! I agree that from the sounds of it he does need to get rid of some stuff. Even I will regularly have a clear out. But it will take time and patience.

I think “stuff” is seen as “bad” because we’ve never had so much of it. Growing up in the 80s I knew nobody with a walk in closet and very few people even with a second wardrobe whereas now it’s seen as normal for couples to have a “double” wardrobe each plus more clothes in the spare room.
Garages used to be where you parked your car, not stored boxes and boxes of stuff. And “self storage” units did not exist!

I think when it gets to the point where someone doesn't know what's in a particular room, then it has reached a really bad point and something needs to be done. The problem with separating from them is they will want to keep the house.

I think most hording is , as a pp said, caused by emotional issues usually around berievement or security or both.
I had a very insecure childhood and my tendancy to want things, to have everything I might need, just incase, was starting to creep up once I had money to indulge it.
Redirecting this to paying off our mortgage, not buying things and having the cash instead, selling off what I didn't use or need gave me a much more profound sense of security, and also importantly, a sense of control.
Now I have quite a minimalist home.

It would annoy me and to a lesser degree DP has too much stuff. I would love to chuck most of it but unfortunately it's not mine to chuck.

My DH has issues with hoarding. He currently has 12 laptop bags floating round the living room, about 7 rucksacks and various boys of miscellaneous computer gear. The life and garage are stuffed. He has boxes of his crap in every room including the kids room and it creeps and creeps.

I say my husband is like nature; he abhors a void. Whenever I clear space (which he claims to like) he always manages to find some “stuff” to fill it. It is demoralizing. I’ve had a bout of depression recently and the house has very quickly become out of control - mess with four kids and a hoarder husband is typical but it’s actually dirty now too. I’m going to watch the Kondo special on Netflix and get inspired this week.

My husbands problems definitely stem from a poor and insecure childhood.

I think he would probably need therapy to tackle it but he would never be up for this so I need to find solutions which may include chucking stuff by stealth. I get what people are saying about other peoples possessions but this isn’t treasured items, it’s broken useless crap and paper for the most part.

Would he notice that 11 laptop bags had gone?