Family?

[Mummzyof3]

This has all happened ages ago its just i cant get it out of my head,

So i had my 1st child at 17 i was pregnant at 16 , living at home so naturally i had to tell me mum who obviously went mad at me and i had to ring around and tell my whole family, fast forward 5 years ( 22 years old) and i fell pregnant again and again told my mum who again went mad at me and again i had to ring and tell my whole family who all went mad at me and again i fell pregnant at the age of 28 and the same happened mum went mad to the point of not speaking , made it akward at our work place i then had to again ring around and tell the whole family who again all went mad, is this a normal thing to do? I now dont see any of my family ( i will expalin and get advice on that thru another thread) i just dont no anyone who has had to ring every single person in there family when theu are preg i get when i was 17 but the other 2 i had my own house and my own life

But you didn’t have to? You could have said no? Especially when you were no longer living there?

Not normal at all, no.

Do you rely on any of these people to help you in any way?

Is this a cultural thing where all your family are totally tied in together. As its not normal. At 16 l could understand your dm being mad as its a big shock but after that whats it to do with her. As asked l presume by 22 you had moved out andmoved on with your own life. It would have been difficult to say know at 16 as you were very vunerable but at an older age she couldn't make you do it.
I hope you are managing ok with no family support but they weren't going to be much help.

No. I don't get it. If your family would need to support you financially then producing more and more children would impact on them. But if you're self sufficient and bringing up your DC independently them why would anyone go mad at you? Not their problem.

It's not normal, why didn't you just say no?

I would be questioning why your family are so against you having children.

Had anyone else in the family got pregnant and did they call everyone and get screamed at?

Totally not normal.

Not surprised at the reaction the first time. Would have been quite a shock but still an unfair way to treat you. The second time I imagine you expected a different reaction which is why you rang round giving the news. After the first response though, I wouldn't have rang anyone else. Not sure why you did it a third time to be honest.
Not normal at all!

I can understand why your mum would be disappointed when you were a teenager but why is she 'going mad' when you're an adult? Why are your wider family involved?

Basicaly i got told that i better ring so and so and so and so as its best to come from me, no isnt really an answer i could give, yes i had my own house at the age of 17 so was independant anyway, family did look after kuds now and again due to wanting to and not me asking , since i have had my 3rd child tho everything has become slightly tense and dont see my famoly anymore but thats always someone else fault, no theres , when i was preg with my 3rd i was in an out of hospital with problems and my db came first all the time for eg ,who will have db if your in hospital and i gave up, they have seen my youngest but just wanted to see everyones views on it as it has been playing on my mind for a wile, No no other family members have become preg since i had my 1st but dm did have a child 9 years ago and everyone ran arounf after her and no1 mentioned anything to her

Very very strange.

The only thing I can think of is your family think you are still a child and not grown up enough for children despite having your own home and being nearly 30.

I know if I was still in contact with my own family I would be celebrating the fact cousins etc was pregnant but for me, my mother and the rest of the family were convinced I was a bit simple and it was drummed into me that I would be incapable of looking after a child.
I moved to London and I was warned I would be raped, robbed and murdered within the first week.

Even came down (200 miles+) after 6 weeks to get me as they were sure I was desperately unhappy and needed bringing home as I wasn't coping. (All things made up in their minds)
FWIW there is nothing wrong with me and I ran up to dp getting ill a very successful property business and have never come close to being raped robbed or murdered.

I know in families everyone has their role to play. Is yours the one who cannot cope with children despite all evidence to the contrary

1 of my children has adhd and i cope very well on my own with all 3 of my children even tho 1 of them has this, my role was babysitter,as i had 2 of my own at the time it was the fact , oh its ok she will be in she can have db as she does nothing , its everytime i have a partner family dont seem to like it, i have pulled myself away from them all as i have had enough and ex is getting 100% of the blame, when in fact an incident happend on 1 of my childrens birthdays and i actually said something for once rather then just letting it happen, it like when i get a voice and actually stand up for myself everyone goes into melt down its a P**s take grrrraaaaahhhhh

I should also add that i have 90% had to deal with my son with adhd with out familys help as such, also dm had said if he couldnt behave he wasnt to go round unleas he could, kinda impossible when he really cant handle himself and no im not using his adhd as an excuse for him to misbehave i tell him off as anyone would tell a child with out this off, my dm has even walked awat from me and ds when he has had a massive meltdown in town over noises and kept telling my his behaviour is embarrasing ( yes i understand it is, i do oftern get embarrased myself by it but not alot i can do about people staring at me wile i tell mt ds whos 8 off wile he os dropped to the floor hands over ears and screaming ) x

No idea about the way your family behave, sorry.

ds whos 8 off wile he os dropped to the floor hands over ears and screaming

Poor kid, sounds like sensory overload, get him some ear defenders.
Maybe sunglasses too if he finds bright lights hard to deal with as well as noises.

Yes he does have ear defenders now , this was more before he was diagnosed he was around 6/7 as i last went to town with him and mum before i had my youngest , ear defenders work great with him and going out anf about is so much nicer now x