My mum is in a strop as I won’t tell her when I go into labour

[Iwantnormalparents]

Just that really. I have no idea how to deal with her.

I’m almost 38 weeks and I don’t want anyone to know when I go into labour. Only DH will be present at the birth (and the midwives obviously) so I don’t see why anyone needs to know.

I don’t have the best relationship with her and she’s been a right pain this pregnancy.

Has anyone else had this problem?
Am I being horrible?

Just say you'll tell her, then don't.... All happened too quickly / flat battery / too much pain or whatever

It is NOBODY's business except yours when Labour starts
and it takes a flipping age anyway
so she can find out when you are ready

Well it just confirms that you're making the right decision, doesn't it?!

Unfortunately having your first child tends to throw up issues with your own parents if they are dysfunctional in any way.

I strongly recommend that you read "Toxic Parents" by Susan Forward before baby is born and you'll have less time and energy to read books!

Why would you tell her you are not going to tell her though? You could have just not told her and she would have been none the wiser until you had the baby.

No you're not being horrible. It's just self preservation.

@Drogosnextwife I didn’t tell her as I didn’t see the point as it would just wind her up. DH felt the need to announce it when we last went over 🤦‍♀️

Make sure that any 'last online' statuses for whatsapp, facebook, etc are hidden. My mum and pil started tracking when I was last online and then sent messages if I had been too long! During labour, DH had to keep opening and closing Skype and whatsapp to stop them messaging and made it look like I was online. Do it now so they realise how unreliable those timestamps are.

@GummyGoddess that’s awful!
Are they usually like that?

Fortunately I deleted Facebook and DH isn’t friends with my mum on there (he doesn’t post on it anyway).

I didn't tell my parents or anyone else. I didn't want to feel like everyone was waiting for me to get on with it. No big strops from anyone.

Let your DH deal with it. He should kindly but firmly tell her to pull herself together and stop stressing you. And that he will call after the birth.

You don't need to take this sort of stress into labour. It's fine to labour as you wish. You decide. It's your body.

Although its your choice, you do seem to be making a mountain out of a molehill. I didnt formally tell anyone I wasnt actually with at the time that had gone in (pre Internet. Pre mobiles) because you just didnt. In fact, often then you got sent home if not far enough gone anyway. But I also dont rememeber making a big song and dance about it.

I guess nowadays, with loads of technology, unless labour moves like stories have you believe, I would probably get bored at some point and be in touch with people moaning about being stuck in hospital with a slow moving babe.

I felt exactly the same. My mum was such a knob about the whole issue that I was ferociously angry about it and almost wouldn’t let her come up and meet the baby at all. My feeling was if you are so absent from my life that you wouldn’t notice me disappearing for the length of my labour then you don’t need to know. I preferred to just let everyone know when it was all over. I didn’t want to feel obliged to update anyone when I was trying to get a tiny human out of me, let alone someone who I might talk to once or twice a year despite her being my mum.

Do what feels right to you. But do consider making it easier on yourself by not picking the fight and just quietly getting on with doing what you like.

Good luck!

I think it was excitement at the first grandchild. However my mum is more prone to that, pil just whinge to DH. Particularly about a 2 month old baby spending most of Christmas day upstairs with me and not being passed around because he was cluster feeding all day and night

You just don't tell them when time comes. Just change the subject in the meantime.

Pfb was before due date and I was already sick off all the phone calls of my Dad and IL about why hadn't I had it yet - or I had had it and not told them.

MIL was winding me up talking about traveling over and taking new born baby out for meal and shopping - ie away from me – so really didn’t want her knowing or making plans.

DSis ex told all his family when she went into labour - they all turned up even cousins who haven't seen DN since . Her ex spent so much time up dating them all in waiting room outside the ward - he was having to be let in and out and was upsetting staff and getting delayed. In end DSis called Mum to be with her and to help stop her being stressed out – I think her ex relayed once in front of Mum that everyone was getting fed up and was handed his arse.