Best thing to do if your child is falling behind at school?

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I've said I'm going to buy some workbooks and going through them with me will be non negotiable.

I am dithering in which ones to buy.

I could buy the school text book and workbook. Obviously the advantage is it is exactly what he needs to learn for school but he is so totally disengaged with it that it might be better for him to have a different approach.

So, I could buy a generic workbook for his year group and assume it covers the main topics.

Or I could buy the textbook so we have it for reference and hope he will look at it plus a generic workbook.

What age?
I'd start by arranging a meeting with the teacher at primary or emailing teachers at secondary asking for suggestions for how to help at home.

Work books are something to consider but in this great world of technology there are some amazing bits of software and internet based learning apps around. I find the DC enjoy these more when they have areas for a bit of support. The first one that comes to mind being BBC bitesize available for each key stage.

Why is he falling behind? You need to find the reason why before you can find a solution.

SN, (ADHD, probably dyscalculia but they won't test 'til next year)

Teachers won't even tell us the syllabus because it's not fair for some children to get help at home and others not... (he's 9 but not Uk system so year 2 having already repeated a year because he couldn't keep up due to SN)

Do you have home schooling in your country? I'm wondering if home schooling online groups would be able to give you more year appropriate direction for your location.

No, it's illegal.

I’d get the school text book and work book and use those as a template.
Once you figure out the core concept being taught, try and find engaging ways to teach it. There are some brilliant online resources and lessons, but even just getting up and moving may be very helpful.
Most maths can be taught in the home, on the move, and in natural situations. (If you want to come back with specific concepts to teach I’d be happy to suggest ideas)

Take a careful look at the workbook. Frankly they can be tricky to understand so he may need help figuring out what he’s being asked. Some kids need help to “crack the code” of the instructions.

At this point having fun, being positive and enjoying the experience will build a great foundation. Try not to be to schoolish in your approach.

If he is struggling due to SN then forcing him to engage with something at home that he is really struggling with at school might well be counter productive. It is likely to disengage him further. I think you need to find out how he is being taught and what reasonable adjustments can be made in the classroom for his learning style. With both conditions you mention it is all about finding a way to engage a child. The assessment of needs is going to be crucial to any interaction or learning intervention both at home and school.
For a child with potential ADHD I would see forcing them to sit down and do work books as a bit of hiding to nothing. I would use the work books and create practical tasks to reintroduce concepts. It sounds like you need to find the key to unlock your DC. The assessment of needs is the most important thing - I would be pushing for that as a priority.
Don't underestimate the need for downtime either. Putting stress on your child to perform or catch up is likely to push them further away from learning .

I agree totally with toomuchsplother.

If you try and make him sit down and do something he finds hard without understanding the underlying issues it will be an unhappy experience for you both.

Would he engage more with learning via a screen? If so, for maths something online like mathletics or whatever else is out there. Plus real-life maths, e.g. working out bills in restaurants, paying in shops, dividing food (fractions) etc

Imagine being not very good at something and being forced to do it all day and when you’re at home as well. You might find that he becomes even more resistant to learning.

Have you spoken to the school about the nature of his SN and what they are doing to support him?

No adjustments will be made. We're on our own basically.
Down time, just leaving him be (tried for a year) had no effect. He just won't do it.,
Won't do any everyday maths.

The best thing you can do for your son is to get this assessment as a priority. There are always reasons why a child won't or can't do something even if they aren't obvious. And there are always strategies that can be employed to help them learn.

My reference to 'down time' was not to suggest that this will suddenly bring up his grades, but he will need time to just chill out at home, for his self esteem etc. If you aren't great at something and that is becoming the focus of your world it is a recipe for disaster. Home schooling won't work unless you understand how your child learns.
A good starting point is to list the things he is good at and he does enjoy. Do they have a common thread? E.g are they practical, does he respond better to visual stimulus etc? Focusing on what is going well is often key to unlocking what isn't going well.
You say you are on your own but you need to seek some professional help to understand your child's learning needs. Does the school have a lead on Special Educational Needs? Can you seek a referral to an educational pyschologist? This could possibly be achieved through a doctors referral. Without knowing how your countries SEN policies etc operate it is very difficult to advise.

The methods need to be appropriate to his learning needs.

I suspect my 8yo has dyslexia and possibly other needs, so for spelling, we choose the easier half of the list that he has a better chance of learning. He has a go, a 5 minute burst is plenty, we then practice his name (which he still jumbles) and the letter in his name that he struggles with most. Trawling through a workbook would be hell to him and me to enforce it.

Without knowing much about your child, their needs and the system, the general advice of frequent short bursts, reward, keep it focused on one thing and be practical can cover a multitude of sins. Praise effort regardless of the outcome.

Recognise their strengths as well as acknowledging what they find challenging.

You say you're not in the UK so I'm not sure how this would work, but is it possible for you to get him assessed? And if you did would the school have to provide help?

In addition to previous advice, always get a child's hearing and eyesight checked if they are struggling at school. They do not necessarily know that they should be able to see or hear more than they do so don't say they are having difficulty, and problems do not always show up if they are good at picking up other clues.

Also, rather than pushing the learning activities, try to find something he enjoys that he can make progress in. Good for self-esteem and for demonstrating that making an effort does make a difference.

forcing him to engage with something at home that he is really struggling with at school might well be counter productive. It is likely to disengage him further.

This ^
You might want to get a workbook / copy of the curriculum for your own information, but giving him more of what he is already failing' at, is very unlikely to resolve the difficulties.

There are on-line maths sites like: Khan Academy or paid for ones like mathsfactor they might be useful especially if it needs going back to basics and then working up again.

The problem is you can't do everything at once - so you need to know where the big problems are reading, reading comprehension, writing and then go back and build up in small steps.

We’ve done a lot of support work at home – bit in morning and then more in evening – everyday holidays for my children that’s massively paid off. It’s been focused on basics mostly – stuff they needed to get most out of stuff school was doing.

Are private assessments possible? Or private tutors who could help pin point what the issues are – are the school giving any feedback at all?

Hearing and eyes are fine, had them checked. We went to the bookshop together and I showed him all the maths workbooks they had. One he said didn't look anything like what they do at school, another had a picture on each page and each time you do the sum you need to colour the piece of picture with that number. He hates colouring and refused that one. In the end he decided he would do the school book with me, so I bought that.

I re-wrote his test so that instead of the sums being in a line
26+67=__
they were in the column format
26
+67

and although it was a battle to get him to do them, he got most of them right. He did need to use the number line to add anything above 6+2.

I have said we shall do morning school when he wakes up, so this morning we did "10 minutes" of maths before breakfast. I got him to write
1+1=2
2+1=3...
...20+1= 21
which he managed ok although it took him just under 15 minutes...
Then to do the same with +2
1+2=3
2+2=4....
....20+2=22
When he hit 16 he started asking for a number line. So he can't do it in his head, nor does he have any concept that the answers are just increasing by 1 each time. It took him 27 minutes to complete 10 minutes of maths - I warned him only the time he was actually doing maths would count.

Why are you forcing your kid to do almost 30 minutes of Maths before breakfast before he goes to school if he struggles? It's counter intuitive. How do you know the work you gave him only takes 10 minutes?

because I sat next to him and timed him.

Are you in Germany? If yes, then the syllabus for each Bundesland is on line and there are is also a decent resource website called catlux (you have to pay a yearly subscription) which might help you. If not, then it depends upon whether they are already using the workbooks in class, can your child really not bring the textbooks home? I would do the workbooks if not already being used and do two lots of 30 minutes a day with a bribe in between.

www.amazon.de/Mathe-Stars-Schuljahr-%C3%9Cbungsheft-mit-L%C3%B6sungsheft/dp/3637015439

this one any good?

I suspect the OP is in Germany too as she stated that homeschooling is illegal.
Get a very good tutor if you are in Germany. Not a Nachhilfe for failing but rather maybe a British or Korean tutor that will tutor to be top level not remedial (if that makes sense). If you are in Germany, pop over to the German thread where there are a few of us battling the snow and the schooling.

Ah OP Forgive me, we ''know'' each other from another thread. So ignore my first post but potentially catlux or maths stars might help. Hope you're okay