Is 3 children always 'chaos'

[goodolddaze]

Another 'should I consider a third baby?' thread.... sorry. But it's been becoming an obsession for about a year now. We have a 2 year old and a 4 year old. I always read that 3 (or more) is 'chaos' and about having to embrace what sounds like a pretty overwhelming lifestyle/ workload.

I wondered if that's accurate, is it really like that for most people? I am quite an organised person and it is pretty much the only thing that really puts me off, this idea that whatever I did it would all end up feeling totally chaotic if we were lucky enough to have another baby...

It's not like I feel 100% together with 2, but I definitely wouldn't describe family life as anywhere close to chaos.

I have 4, I had 3 under 3 at one point.
It's hard work when they are younger, but I never found it chaotic. I was a SAHP.
I'm fairly organised though.
They are older now (youngest is 8) and I work 3 to 5 days pw variable. Still not chaotic.

In my experience it gets more chaotic as they get older and need to be in different places, in different directions at the same time. When they are little it can be difficult trying to get all 3 out together especially if they need assistance.

But ultimately their personalities play a major role. My youngest was and is very demanding, she certainly made for a life of chaos.

I have 3 and don't find it chaotic at all. Even when they were small it was manageable. It probably depends on the children and the relationship between them though, mine have almost always got on well.
Mine are age 13-9 (2 boys, 1 girl) now and it is mainly peaceful and lovely. They laugh a lot and I'm so glad they have each other.

I would love to have 3 and i have to DC that are the same age as your DC.However my SIL has 3 and she's quite an organised person, she's ex miltary and comes from a family of super organisational . She has put me off having 3 because she says it's so chaotic when they go on holiday due to the children having different needs and she often complains that day to day life is hectic especially when she has to do the school run.

I'm currently pregnant with my third, so have my had in the sand about it all a bit, but I guess it depends on the age gaps, so I have a five year old who is at school and an 18 month old who will have started a few mornings at pre-school when the baby arrives so I'm hoping it will be ok. It'll probably be harder when they're all at school and I have to engineer a three-part drop off, and attending birthday parties/after school activities etc

Definitely agree with Dothehappydance - personalities will play a massive part. We have 3 DCs. If they were all as laid back as DS1 things would be very different to 3 like DD2 who is an absolute force to be reckoned with (in a good way!). The jury is still out on DD3! A lot of it comes down to being organised yourself too. I would say that on the whole things aren't chaotic for is with 3. Except for school day mornings which are a complete nightmare! I think that's the case no matter how many children you have though. I suspect things will get a bit more crazy once they all grow up and have social lives and interests and such, but I'm hoping that the change will be gradual and we'll grow into it ourselves too.

Umm. Hmm well that really depends. I currently has three.. soon to be four. All of mine are boys. The older two are quite independent but each child obviously has their own personalities. I dont think there is a one size fits all approach here. My three are wonderful. They love their little brother beyond words. With four, well that to me will be chaotic but you get used to what you know I guess. I should also point out I am SAHM so the kids are with me majority of the time. I dont tend to do grocery shops with them all (taking one is easiest) or I simply tell hubby to do the shop on his way home from work. TBH It's the increased laundry that is probably the downside to it all. I am just getting very good at delegating!!! :)

I found 3 much easier than 2 overall. I'm not a particularly organised person but really it's not that hard. It was much easier with a 3rd baby than the 2nd because the older two had each other for amusement.

I have never regretted having a third.

Good luck with whatever you decide

I think I relied on routines - to avoid chaos when they were little.

Hardest time we're just coming out of - children too young to be left by themselves but they need to be at different places with very little time in between and everyone had to go along. Being able to drop one off and leave the older two makes it easier - or just take youngest rather than get everyone up and ready.

Though if you've got family or other support round that may be less on an issue plus how much other stuff is there going on – two full time working parents it will be harder than having someone around more.

I wouldn't describe it as chaos. Busy, yes - but in a good way

Thanks so much for these replies, they're so helpful (and reassuring!)

If you do decide to have another one, my main tip would be to aim to live close to their schools.

My third was born a month ago. My eldest two are three year old twins, so I have the benefit of them sharing interests and being quite used to playing together. I don’t think it’s chaotic generally, although there are tricky moments. So far getting out of the house and bedtime have been our greatest challenges.

It depends on the person 100% if you have a good routine and your children aren't brought up like animals you will be fine 😂

Just had my third. All going well so far, but could be too early to say. Def live close to school, that's a good top. Im pretty organised though too.

The early days with three are busy, challenging and yes, chaotic at times, but brilliant.

As they get older and older, it has become harder and harder. The emotional difficulties of three teens can be draining. The "banter" can be brutal! Holidays are expensive. Once they start bringing partners home, things get crowded.

On saying that, I wouldn't change it for the world!

It was hard work and exhausting in early years.

I had mine close together also had several house moves, no family help, job changes that led to DH being away more, constant illness due to undiagnosed underlying health condition and DH being serioulsy injured. So hard to say how much of it was life getting bloody awkward and how much having three children.

The house was less tidy than my ideal and our hobbies - DH and mine were dropped for a while - but no chaos.

Homework at their first primary could feel overwelming with three then we moved and next primary did very little.

Now they are getting older it is getting noticeable more expensive but we're glad we had three and also glad we didn't have the possible fourth child we did at one time want.

Yes...

I’d say yes it is chaos.

When I had 2 close together, it wasn’t that bad (we’ll bar the PND) Did 18 month old and baby fine, so I felt I could manage 3.

3 was ok when the littlest was a baby and didn’t move. As soon as she got to walking it was complete chaos. 3 kids off in different directions, one pair of hands AAAAARRRRGH. If we ever went anywhere I’d introduce myself at the lost child point because we’d be seeing each other, usually more than once. Social lives- yes, it is completely possible to have 3 children going to 3 birthday parties at the same time, same day. Bedtimes...if you have 2 and 1 kicks off, they only wake 1 child up. If you have 3 and 1 kicks off you will do ANYTHING to keep the peace as having 3 screaming souls is something else. I keep them fed and in clean clothes but that is about the extent of it.

That said, I love them to bits and they are great kids.

Only laundry. There's so much laundry. Otherwise, it's fine. Lovely, a lot of the time.

I have big gaps - 5 years between my boys then another 5 before my beautiful surprise girl - but I can't even begin to tell you how much I love having three children. They all get on so well, watching them grow up and develop their own relationships is so special.

Absolute chaos and I constantly feel exhausted 😩. Mine are 9, 7 and 3. I’m hoping it will get better when the youngest is older. He is the catalyst for a lot of the problems.

I have significantly lowered my expectations. I feel like I’m always shouting and my goodness the bickering drives you insane.

Getting them to their individual groups is fine as long as we never have to stay but you do feel like a taxi service. We are running to various after school groups everyday Monday- Thursday, often multiple clubs as well.

Individually they are awesome people so I don’t have any regrets in having my 3 just need less time with them all together.

Organisation is key!

thanks for the honesty, it helps!

We have 3 and definitely not chaos - busy sometimes but it was with 2. Big differences are booking holidays and eating out or doing 3 lots of laundry and homework. But our house is quite calm most of the time.

You sound as if you'll regret it if you don't. Just go for it, your other two are still young.