Why is this an issue? Lighthearted just venting

[Buntybearbess]

Why do some guys have such an issue sharing a bed with each other. My friends and I are looking into booking a group holiday for the summer. There will be me and my female best friend and two of our male friends. It's all good, we get on great and have been on a holiday with the same group before.

However we have run into the same problem that we had last year. The guys are unwilling to share a bed, last year we went to disneyland and we managed to get a room with one double and two singles on site so all was fine. This year were looking at going to PortAventura and all onsite hotel rooms we have found have two double beds in them. My friend and I are happy to share a bed and have done several times (camping, caravaning and in Disney) but apparently guys just don't do this. Apart from when we were booted from an overbooked flight and the airline put us up in a hotel where we had two rooms both with double beds so they had no option to share. But apparently that was OK because there was no one there to see it.

One is more comfortable than the other with the idea but neither would be happy initially so naturally there is no way we'd book the double double bed room but my friend and I just don't understand this. A different friend suggested (I'm hoping jokingingly) that my friend and I each share a bed with one of the guys, and that isn't going to happen. Especially since we're friends from Church/bible study and one of the guys was nervy about sharing a room with females last year. He's now come to the conclusion that it's fine to share with the opposite sex as long as your in different beds and there is a witness .

Of course we're going to find a room option that has at least 2 single beds for the guys but at the moment it's looking like it's going to double the overall cost of the holiday as we're not sharing a room so it's just a pain that toxic masculinity has made guys weird about sharing a bed, particularly if there are witnesses.

Worried about morning glory confusion?

Double the cost?! Blimey, I'd make the silly sods pay the difference!

@Qcng, that's one of my and my best friends thoughts, the other is that they'd be embarrassed in case we caught them snuggling

@BitOfFun, one of them easily could pay the difference tbh, but that feels mean as it's completely unreasonable to expect anyone to share a bed when they're not comfortable with the idea.

My current suggestion is to ask at the desk for extra blankets and make them take it in turns to sleep on the floor and see how long it takes before they're ok with sharing One of the guys A came out with I'd rather sleep with you than M which was hysterical. Once I'd stopped giggling and he'd gone back to his normal colour rather than beetroot red I did tell him that while I'd be fine sharing with any of the three of them my bestie and the other guy would not feel the same way at all.

But you’re not willing to share a bed with one of the guys, but you don’t understand why they don’t want to share a bed with each other. That makes no sense. I don’t think it’s anything to do with toxic masculinity at all. You’re very vulnerable when you are in bed. It’s an intimate space.

Yes, blokes are like that :-). One of them will usually sleep on the floor in a sleeping bag. Sometimes they will sleep head to toe, one at each end.

I have a relative who is a musician. Back in the day when he was not successful and just starting out, backing more famous people with other musicians, they would be booked into a budget hotel room in which maybe three double beds were crammed. They just piled in and went to sleep! Didn't care, different culture.

I'd be fine sharing with either of the guys, one of the guys would be fine with it and we have shared a bed a couple of times most recently when I visited him before christmas and complained that I was cold in the other bed, but the other guy wouldn't be ok sharing with a either me or my female friend so we'd not even suggest it to him. My female friend would raise her eyebrow at sharing with one of the guys but I doubt it would bother her either.

I know that it is completely unreasonable and not at all ok to try and make someone share a bed with anyone for any reason. That's why we won't mention it to them past teasing, just as they tease us for being so fine with it. That's why the thread says lighthearted.

I referenced toxic masculinity on the basis that they have shared a bed before but don't want to in front of me or my female friend because in their own words guys don't share with guys.

@Bluerussian, I think it could also be a class thing. I'm very working class and my equally working class male relatives and friends and their friends will just pile in or sleep where they drop. My middle class male friends are very anti-sharing beds with other guys which is probably why I find it amusing/exasperating as there is nothing wrong or weird about it. Tbh I find it more weird that the one who takes the most issue with sharing a bed with another guy is the most ok with sharing a bed with me when it is completely contradictory to what is considered ok by our church and our parents. Whereas the guy most ok with sharing a bed with a guy was only ok with sharing a room with females as long as another guy was present because it wouldn't be considered acceptable at church.

I'm male, and also gay. TBH, the only people I have felt comfortable sharing a bed with (because I'm now single) are my DF and DB. I trust them competely, whereas with other guys I would just feel more... vulnerale, I suppose. The only time I ever agreed to share a bed with someone I didn't know well was when I had absolutely no choice. That being said OP, one of the guys should be responsible for either bringing a cot or air matress, or at least agree to sleep on the floor (and ask for extra blankets). I have friends with a similar sentiment to the OP and it can be uncomfortable to explain IRL. Sorry if this post comes across as negative.

Sorry, that should have read "the only guys I'd feel comfortable sharing with." Have shared with DM on trips in the past and that is more than fine.

I’m female, I would not be comfortable sharing a bed with anyone other than the hubby or my sister. Never have been, I like my personal space and even best friends would feel odd sharing it

@WaterBird, it's completely fine to not want to share a bed with anyone you don't want too, and I wouldn't expect it. I get the feeling vulnerable sharing with others but personally I know all these people well and I trust them all 100%. The guys have known each other longer and have been camping together and shared a tent that was small enough it would be like sharing a double bed but I think that it again comes down to having separate blankets and there not being anyone to see them. I think the guy whos most against it is mainly against it because the other moves around constantly and he's likely to get a black eye sharing with him, plus he sleeps in his boxers well shorts when me or my other friend are there because she told him if he forgot to bring pyjama bottoms he'd be sleeping in the corridor

It's just difficult to manage to come to a solution when one of the guys would be fine sharing with the other guy, when the other would rather share with me. Where as the one who'd rather share with a guy would never in a million years entertain the idea of sharing a bed with a female he's not married to.

@Justagirlwholovesaboy, that's fine too, I like my personal space as well but in terms of holidays and short term it's more of a fun adventure. Plus it means I get to look forward to having my own bed when I get back

Also feel the need to add I'm not judging what people feel comfortable with doing or who they're happy to share a bed with, I'm just lightheartedly venting about the fact that the friends in question only have an issue if me or my friend are there to witness it and that it's making finding a room harder. Even if we have to book two rooms we will if that's what they will feel most comfortable with, but I will vent about the additional cost as we're all students on limited incomes and will affect the duration and spending we have for the holiday.

Ultimately though it comes down to what he feels comfortable with, respect it, we all have our own choices. If you don’t want him on holiday with you that’s yours, if he doesn’t want to share a bed that’s his

Of course we want him on holiday with us and of course we're going to respect whatever choices and preferences they have and what they're comfortable doing. That's never been in question. I'd never expect anyone to do something they weren't comfortable with. That's why the thread is meant to be lighthearted.

I get you - I am happy to share a bed with my mum, sister, friend, whoever.

DH won't share with anyone except me. He reluctantly shared a twin room with a friend recently but would always prefer to have his own room.

Don't know what it is!

I wouldn't even want to share a room with anyone and I haven't shared a bed with anyone other than a partner or kids since I was about 12. It's not a male thing. It's an adult thing.

Ah OK, so they have known each other for quite a long time then.
Interesting that one of them wouldn't mind sharing a bed with a female. I've quite a few friends that are female, but have never shared a room with them. If the situation arose, I would probably say no to that too.

@Winnie2019, my sisters are all in their 40's and don't care about sharing, so it can't be a wholly 'adult' thing. But I do find the different attitudes to sharing interesting.

@WaterBird, yeah longer than I've known either of them or my best friend. I could see how sharing a room or bed with someone of the opposite sex could seem weird if your the only ones in the room but it's just not something that's ever bothered me tbh. I think because I have no hang ups about it they're less weirded out by it. It's interesting how different people view it.

If I'm honest I'd not go on holiday or spend extended periods of time with people that don't have my entire trust, which probably affects how I'd view sharing a bed with them.

I have lived in rooms crammed together with lots of people with virtually no personal space or privacy, but would still prefer to sleep on the floor than share a bed - have shared in the past through necessity but I don't like it.

@DeadCertain, fair it's not for everyone.

İf they can share a small tent while in sleeping bags, maybe they'd be ok with each taking a sleeping bag and sharing a bed that way?

No risk then of accidental snuggling

Can you ask the hotel to provide a Rollaway bed. We used to get them when I travelled with the kids. It's a full size single, they would need to pay for it and decide which one gets it.

Why on earth does class come into anything?!

I wouldn't share a bed with anyone other than DH. Even my best friend. So I quite understand why someone wouldn't. You just need to suck it up and book an appropriate number of rooms.

@BIWI, I was being glib. It's a harmless comment on what I've noticed with my own friendship groups. I can only comment based on what I've experienced and know. Of course we're going to book an appropriate room/rooms.

@Thecurtainsofdestiny, I will suggest separate blankets and see what they say. One of the guys moves around so much in his sleep he pulls the sheet off and messes the duvet so probably not the nicest to share with, the other guy is a snuggler and when I've shared with him it's like sleeping with a koala but I don't mind that because he's comfy and good hugger May freak the other two out though if they witnessed that though.

@Troels, I'll email the hotel and ask. If not it might pay us to see if we can get something cheaply out their as a last resort if we can't find a suitable room/rooms within the price range they've agreed on.