Parents of ex fussy eaters, tell me your secrets

[Bennyismydog]

My ds is a ridiculously fussy eater.
Every single meal is stressful, he’s a fairly slight boy though not underweight.
He will eat the same bland meal over and over. I try new things, I try putting different choices at dinner time and every time I do I end up throwing away the food and making the specific meal he will eat. (Hes not got ASD, my ds with ASD and restricted diet isn’t this restricted in his diet 🙈)
GP / health visitor not concerned just tell me to persevere.
The only thing ds would happily eat all day are crisps and biscuits which I obviously don’t allow. So if anyone has a child that was once a really really fussy eater please share your tips with me

How old is he, and what's his current restricted diet?

(I remember my DS drinking orange juice, and I used to sneak in some of that vegetable V8 juice.)

Not massively helpful but my cousin was with us for a time. She's a bit older than me and greatly loved by all of us. She kind of drove it for a bit - she's an enthusiastic cook and dd adores her. I guess it was a change of tone for my dd. Who is still a bit of a fussy eater but is willing to try more things. We always big up that it was inspired by our lovely cousin.
We were desperate.

He’s 6 smallest in his class so probably about the size of a 4 year old. He will eat rice, chicken, bread and yoghurts consistently. He occasionally eats ham, breadsticks, cheese and chips, bread. Drinks milk, water and juice. Has a multivitamin every single day. He would eat cake, crisp chocolate all day if I let him which I don’t.
He is the same for everyone else. School gave up after a week of trying to get him to eat school dinners and told me to send in packed lunches as he didn’t eat anything.
I send in breadsticks, cheese, quavers, and a yogurt and he will eat one or two of the things in his box.
He also takes minimum of about 50 mins to eat a meal usually he would eat it over a period of a few hours by grazing if he could.
On weekends he will literally graze all day and not have a meals which I don’t mind because at least I know he’s getting a good amount but he doesn’t like 3 meals a day like he gets on school days.

As he’s slight but not overweight everyone is happy with him, but it just causes me so much stress on an evening i could make and throw away 3 meals before he eats one and waste so much food. I’ve been told to try saying eat this or don’t eat and he will genuinely just not eat. With him being slight I don’t like the thought of making him go hungry in case he loses weight.

My strapping 5ft 8" 16 year old was a very fussy eater until he hit puberty and started growing on average a ft a year for the last three years. He was never that hungry before and he was a fussy eater until he reached about 13/14.

I did gradually expand his food repertoire by making sure there were two things on his plate that he would eat and one that was a challenge. I never asked him to try it I just dished it up and we chucked it away deadpan at the end of the meal, eventually he ate sweetcorn, carrots, broccoli and bananas. Along with chicken (plain, roasted, crumbed etc) any mince with pasta (which is great because you can grate veg into the sauce) and fish in breadcrumbs. That was it. Dinner was very boring for a number of years.

Posted too soon

I get the stress and anxiety - my son was one of the smallest and thinnest in his year for all of infants/juniors and he only really caught up with his peers in y11. He started puberty later than his friends, it goes on weight so until he reached that weight (individual to everyone) he didn't start growing, much

Now he is a human dustbin. He has 3 solid meals and several "snacks" a day. A snack is a sandwich or bowl of cereal a meal will consist of a huge plate, 2 portions of porridge or more than one sandwich, crisps and a banana.

I hope this helps

Sounds like DS1. What worked for us was he wanted to go out to eat in a restaurant. We told him he could, but only if he actually ate, and went to a Sunday carvery style restaurant. To our utter amazement he filled his plate with every option from the carvery and finished the lot and has eaten pretty much anything since! If ever he does get fussy, I tell him he’s only allowed to not like one thing at a time, so if he suddenly doesn’t like mushrooms that’s ok, because it means he now eats whatever it was he last declared he didn’t like. It’s been a good way to suss our what he genuinely doesn’t like, which I would never force him to eat.
Easier said than done, but don’t stress. I grew up watching DB only eating beige/white “clean” food (no sauce, not allowed to touch each other) until he went off to sea age 16 and quickly realised the choice was take it or leave it! Get a multivitamin (I use wellkid since they have iron) and he’ll be ok!

DS is 7 and until last year was quite picky about what he ate - I tried not to stress, continued to offer a range alongside things he would eat etc, but it was not fun for a while.

In the last year his appetite has naturally picked up and although he is still particular, he eats so many more things than he used to - asked for lettuce, green pepper and red onion on his Subway sandwich the other day and scoffed the lot which left me amazed! He'll also try things in sauces (though not necessarily eat them) and eats lots more veg and fruit. So I think they often do just grow out of it as long as you make it all available and try not to make a big deal out of it (easier said than done I know).

Thanks for these replies its very reassuring that he’s not the only one and it will most likely improve.
I sometimes get sick of parents who tell me he’d eat what was on their table or he wouldn’t eat, I think if only it were that easy. I’ll keep persevering.

He had a heart murmur when he was small and I was told it probably sounded more pronounced due to how tiny he was so I worry about him being too thin and it coming back again, which I know is unlikely to happen but it does bother me when he barely eats anything. Although he is within a normal range- just at the very lower end.

With mine it has just been a case of growing out of it. It might get worse first - I've found age 10-13 they get fussiest!

I sometimes get sick of parents who tell me he’d eat what was on their table or he wouldn’t eat

Too many parents make the assumption that what works for their child would work for all children. Try to ignore them.

You can't win if you're trying to persuade a child to eat something they don't want to eat. All you can do is focus on not making the issue any bigger. Find ways to make mealtimes more relaxed. Food issues are just made worse when people are stressed about them.

Make the food he likes, prepare other food too and make sure it's available.

Don't comment on what he does or doesn't eat. That includes that miracle occasion when he first tries something new. Commenting/celebrating/rewarding could stop him feeling able to do it again.

At mealtimes, talk about everything apart from food.

You've found a way to reduce the stress at the weekends so try to make sure that there are a few different options available for grazing. Don't comment on them or push them: just put them out.

Above all, remember that pressure to eat is what is most likely to reduce how much he eats and cause him to lose weight. It isn't your role to persuade him to eat. It's your role to make a reasonable balance of food available and let him select from that what to put in his own mouth.

Please don't cook him any more meals that he won't be able to eat. That will just distress both of you and achieve nothing.

My DD2 was like this and it nearly killed me being laid back and not commenting. She still reacts badly to pressure to eat aged 15 but freedom to lead her own progress means that she has a much healthier and more normal diet now and mealtimes in our house are pleasant, social occasion that everyone enjoys.

The things he is eating sound nutritious and they are actually quite varied if that makes you feel any better.

One of my sons is fussy and things that have helped are me are:

being realistic about how much food he actually needs (not a lot)

letting him serve his own food;

doing things he can construct himself like wraps and pizzas. That way we can all eat the same thing and I'm not preparing 2 meals, but he just not put the salad and sauce in it for instance.

ensuring each meal has 2 thing he can eat in it so I'm nor worried if he doesn't eat the other bits.

All I can say is most of them do grow out of it. Both of mine went though very finicky stages. The one saving grace was that they liked pasta with tomato sauce, so I used to make vats of homemade sauce full of added veg, and whizz it up in the blender to freeze in little pots. It was my go to meal for them when they didn't want other things. Both of them as adults will now pretty much eat anything.

My DSD was a very picky eater advance child. She has mostly grown out of it, at high school she had much more control over her food choices which was good for her. Going to University really did it though, she hates cooking, so ended up in a rota with housemates and found eating their cooking better than always doing it herself! DD is also quite rule bound, so basically I mostly just give her what she likes. She's a good weight, eats a sufficient range of foods to be healthy and everyone is happy.

Good tips above about pick n mix meals and just not making a big deal about any of it.

In our case she grew out of it. The girl who used to leave the table and spit chewed greens down the toilet is now, at 20, a full on veg munching vegan. I can't keep up with the quantities of greenery she eats!
We did nothing. She just grew up and thought about it. And was probably stubborn about us telling her!

Both mine just grew out of it, DS was assisted by his older sister who is a foot shorter than him but would dump the food she had lovingly cooked in front of him hissing ‘eat it’. I think he was too scared to refuse.

My son was a fussy eater, he would eat ham, carrots, pasta (no sauce of any description), cheese, raw carrots, cucumber and white bread (even his toast had to look white). He did grow out of it, I think involving him in cooking meals helped. He is now 26 and will eat almost anything put in front of him and is a damned good cook.

A friend told me that she puts the separate components for dinner in dishes eg sausages in one,mash in another,peas in another and places it on the table and everyone puts what they prefer on their plates as her son is a nightmare eater but she says even if her son only eats a portion of mash or a couple of sausages he's eaten something and everyone's taken part in a family meal

DS (now 14) is fussy, but not as bad as he used to be. He has quite severe food allergies which landed him in hospital a couple of times when he was little and I think that has an effect. Because I can tell myself it's not unreasonable to be suspicious of new foods when you've been hospitalised because of food, I find I can be sympathetic and not get too frustrated.

They're all different so I think different things will work but three things I've found helpful:

1. The Rule: I will never serve something I know he doesn't like - it might not be exactly what he wants RIGHT NOW but it will be something he's willingly eaten before. If we're going to try something new, it will be in addition to familiar, liked food, and there is no pressure.
2. If, when following The Rule, he still claims he doesn't like/doesn't want it, no fuss is made. We sit and eat and chat and make no mention of the uneaten food - I would say two times out of three he then eats it when we're not looking!
3. Meals out - especially with others - are not the time to try and extend his range. (Depending on who the others are, this can also apply if we have people round for a meal). If others have comments, I tell them that we do encourage him to try new things at home, but our priority if we're out is to enjoy others' company and have a stress-free time.