Everyone assumes it gets better....

[Kickinggravel]

I know this is irrational and silly really but it just irritates me a lot when people act like once your dc is past 6months they sleep all night /no sleep issues etc.
I seem to be surrounded by people who dcs all sleep amazingly well. I have 3 dcs and two of them have been absolutely awful sleepers. If I had only had my first maybe I’d also assume kids all slept well from 9 months but despite trying everything two of my dcs didn’t sleep through until two, in one dc it was nearer 4 when they started sleeping without waking
I actually slept worse with older dcs than when I had a newborn. It’s just come up recently, I was congratulating my friend on her new baby and saying how wonderful they looked etc. , she then said it was such a killer with the lack of sleep, that I should try and remember how hard it was.. obviously I didn’t want to be negative but my 20 month old was actually waking at night more than her new baby at that point...
My neighbour also has a newish baby and told me how exhausted they were as again how it must be a distant memory for us, could we remember those hazy newborn days...em yes again we don’t have to remember.....
I get that the majority of babies probably do improve, I just wish people got that some of us still have issues with sleep with a toddler. In fact I find it harder once they are older at night. Just feels a bit isolating at times as almost I can’t say I was up 4 times last night too so I know exactly how it is. Can anyone relate to this ?

Absolutely. My 5 yr old started sleeping well at 2.5 ish. My 23 month old still wakes in the night, was up 3 times with him last night. He has the very occasional good night where he sleeps right through, but then I’m waking up and worrying there’s something wrong.

I feel your pain! I just feel a bit alone with it. I think I am just at that stage were a lot of people I know are at their first, newborn stage and although I’d never want to tell them that sleep actually got worse for me, I personally found the “ it gets so much easier once they hit 6 weeks/ 3 months etc so disappointing. I’m sure it’s meant to be encouraging but it actually made me feel like a failure. It absolutely didn’t get easier, they still woke regularly and after weeks and months of it gets harder to cope. I just think toddler sleep issues are not really talked about enough or maybe not known about 🤷‍♀️
We were out the last night for a rare night out and bumped into friends who have a 5 month old, they mentioned being tired from lack of sleep and we commiserated and they were shocked to hear our 20 month old was still waking. I don’t broadcast it, it’s only in relevant conversations. It almost feel like we shouldn’t say it....

My youngest is nearly 2 and still no where near to sleeping through! I woke up this morning feeling chuffed that I got a four hour block of sleep in one go as that doesn't happen often - I totally feel your pain too. I dream of having a full nights sleep!

I know exactly what you mean- I've just stopped saying anything really.

I'm sure my friends just think I'm antisocial because I turn down so many evening invitations. I only have 1 DC who is 5 now and generally much better these days but pretty much anything can throw off his sleep and we're back to waking every couple of hours etc.

I think its just one of those things that if you haven't experienced, it's impossible to understand.

There should be a secret handshake for parents of children who don’t sleep.

About six and a half years since I could get a full night’s sleep more than 50% of the time. DS2 is now in full throttle arrive and wake up Mummy and Daddy at 3am mode (just after DS1 can finally be relied on to sleep). Sigh!

And yes I completely agree with feeling like a failure. I had an NCT full of wonderful sleepers and I remember feeling so alone and convinced that I was doing something wrong...

The first time someone mentioned the “9 month sleep regression” to me, I was completely baffled, lol! I still don’t get it.

Secret handshakes all round

I can relate to you, OP

My child’s longest ever nap happened to be at nursery & lasted 9 minutes. Even now, 3 years later it’s a running ‘joke’ there.

At the age of 11 months we took our child to the GP because she hadn’t had closed her eyes - not even a doze for 97 hours - despite other people taking over and trying alternative methods.

At the age of 1, 2 and 3 years we returned home from holidays early because of the lack of sleep.

Heck, I remember sitting in floods of tears when friends told me they were upset that their children were dropping from 2 naps a day to ‘just’ one. I had to leave the room because - as you feel, OP - others just do not understand.

If you’re anything like me, you don’t want to inflict sleep deprivation onto anyone else so you won’t even consider sending them elsewhere.

I didn't sleep properly for 5 years, all mine starting sleeping at 3 years old. My first was 2 when my twins were born, so a whole 5 years of tired grumpiness.. from me!

I think people can be in denial over how much their babies/toddlers sleep, either that or they think they have failed if their babies don't sleep by 6 months old so fudge the truth.

Of all the people with children I know (many) there is only one who had a baby/toddler that slept all night, she got a shock when he had his first cold and couldn't sleep!

I breastfed our four for an average of about 18 months ish, still had to do overnight feeds well after their first birthdays, they were the last feeds to go. So awake for milk, awake for illness, awake for cuddles, awake for bad dreams, awake for the sake of being awake. Youngest is 8 and most nights we now get a 6 hour stretch, but can't guarantee it!