Do I go see gran or not?

[Endofrelationship]

My gran is in a home. She has severe dementia and us now end stage. She's been moved to palliative care but is not yet end of life.

I work with people with dementia, including end of life care, so have professional experiencenin the field.

Gran moved to the care home but approx 12months ago, after a quick deterioration at home. I've not seen her since she went in (it's not close and it was closed due to d&v one time I was going and gran was ill the other). I saw her 3-4 times a year before that. We've never been closed, she was always distant when we were growing up.

I don't know whether to see her now. If I go, it'll mean nothing to her, she doesn't always recognise my mum or my mum's brothers. I'd be going for me, to assuage my own guilt or prevent it when she does pass. Do I want the last time I saw her to be in a home? Severely impaired? My last memory of her currently was her at home, fairly comfortable and happy.

So do I see her or not?

My last memory of my DGM is her in a home with severe dementia. It's upsetting as I'd rather remember her at home.

I didn't visit her in hospital after the had the stroke that she died of as that would have been even worse.

I lived 6 hours away as an adult, so didn't see her much.

*she had