Advice needed around custody rights with EX

[Forthem]

Just wondered if anybody knows or has come across this situation before. I have 2 children, both from long standing separate relationships, but I am separated from both fathers. The arrangement with my eldest father for him to have her has been the same for 10 years (either Friday OR Saturday each week and once a month for whole weekend). When i separated from my youngest's father, we adopted this same routine, to enable the children to spend time together at home with me, then go off to their fathers for time with them. We have done this for the 2 years since we split. Last year the youngest 's father was out of work for 6 months, but then got a job which means he works shifts. He lives with his partner and her children. His partner is very good with my daughter and looks after her if he works. He is now saying he cannot have our daughter the weekends previously agreed and is trying to dictate to me that he will only have her one weekend every 6 weeks. This will not fall on the weekend that my eldest is at her dad's, so not only will I never get one single weekend without both children (I have them both all week) but they won't get much time together. He is telling me that if we go to court, they will make me follow a pattern to suit his current job and that my eldest child's arrangement/routine won't be considered because its a different father. Does anyone have any experience of this please? I just want to have both my children at home at the same time, wherever possible. And I will hold my hands up and say I do need a break sometimes, as amazing as my babies are 😢 TIA xx

I don't know that they will follow a pattern specifically to suit his job but they will look at the best interests of the child.

That should include contact time with their sibling. As they both live with you, it's possible that mon-fri would be deemed sufficient.

I don't see how one dad having their child once a week every week with one weekend in 4 and the other having their child one weekend in 6 means they will hardly see each other. They would see each the other 4 weekends. Even if it isn't the whole weekend, plus the week days.

You admit you need the break and I think that is more the issue. And it's not wrong to want it. I cannot relate to being a single parent and it would be unfair to say me parenting 4 dc when dh goes away or is on nights is the same as I know there is an end point to that.

I would look at other options you can give and talk to your other ex about options for changing his weekends around if that is viable for him. Otherwise sadly, you might not get your desire of a weekend free from children. I would say though, given your dc is used to contact once a week with one weekend in 4, dropping to one weekend in 6 total isn't likely to be viewed kindly as it would disrupt their relationship with their father. Even if this means their step mother has to be responsible for them during the dads work hours.

Thank you. I didn't mean to say the children won't ever see each other, but they are at separate schools all week and if their weekends dont sync, then it does cause problems. I've offered alternative of him having her every other weekend, because that means he gets a weekend for his own life too, but he can't agree to that either. He says he gets one weekend off every 3 weeks, and he doesn't want to have LG then because he would never get a free weekend. I take the children away regularly, so there are various weekends he gets to himself. I cannot help that he works shifts, he took that job knowing that it would mean he couldnt have her weekends. To add insult, he pays a really small amount of Maintence for her, so all of this disruption and stress, for minimal contribution. I had a really tough time with him and it was hard to leave, and now I feel like I'm still being dictated to by him. Looks like we may have to go to court, which is not what I wanted .

Also, my other is the one who suggested the every other weekend thing. And that's him changing a 10 year arrangement, so I can't really ask for any more than that. X

In my experience the court won't care at all that you want a childfree weekend. The fact that the siblings live together will mean they see it as plenty of contact time. Every six weeks is tough. Can he not manage once a month? But in short no I don't think there's much you can do about it.

No, he just says that all he will agree to. It means as a fulltime single mom (and trainee teacher) out of a possible 48 weekends a year, I will never get one where I don't have the children. There also won't be any where I have them both all weekend, to be able to make plans that way. I just can't see how anyone legal or not, could think that is fair. I have them both for 12 out of the 13 weeks school holidays too. I know they are my kids and I adore them, I literally do everything for them, but as I'm not with their father, surely I am entitled to some time to myself too. Will see what happens, looks like it will have to go to court.

I completely agree with you but the courts can't and won't compel NRP to have more contact with their children. As the resident parent you're a bit stuck. I think you might
benefit from some legal advice so you don't drag yourself through court only to end up with the same result.

Before court, you would be encouraged to go to mediation, and this sounds like
It would benefit you both op.

Your youngest's father is right to some degree, the circumstances of your eldest child and time together isn't really his issue when it comes to his child and seeing him/her.

I'm a bit unclear though OP, as you say youngest father can't do the same whole weekend as the other parent does, but what about these single nights every week, what is he actually saying he wants to do now?

On a side note, I think you are complicating it for yourself tbh. Why can't all parties just do whole weekends? Why odd days and then a whole weekend?