What would you do? State vs Private?

[Indiedog99]

Hi all,

Here's the situation.. I'd love to hear your advice and what you think!

Eldest two children attend a very small state school currently in Year 1 and Year 2. We sent them there because it was like a private school- lovely children and parents, very musical and rated good by Ofsted.

It's gone very downhill since they've started (a multitude of reasons) and we just want them out of there. A new head has taken over so it may improve and the most important thing is that they are happy. We discussed changing schools with them but they said 'no way!'- they love their friends and don't want to move.

Now we also have a 9 month old and another baby due in June/July. We don't want to risk them going to the same school (I know it could change and get better of course but let's for now assume that it doesn't). Would it be terrible to send them to a private school even though our other two children will still be in state? Even though they don't want to leave their friends, would you say that the best thing to do is to try them at the private school and then make the decision for them? Will they resent their siblings in the future if we leave them where they are yet the other two have a private education.

When the eldest two get to Year 6 they will both go to a private secondary school in any case. The youngest two would start in private prep school in reception and Year 1 when our eldest two are in Year 5 and 6.

I hope all this makes sense. Your thoughts would be appreciated- would this be acceptable in your opinion? We are lucky as there's a good five years in between the eldest two and youngest two.

Thanks all xx

I'd find a different decent state school, think what else you could do with 4 lots of private school fees.

Find a good state of you can, sending two to private and two to state will cause resentment and issues further down the line.

Thought so.... 😥. If they weren't happy there then it would be easy to move them but they love their friends and don't want to leave them. I thought as they will go to private at year 7 we could get away with the younger two being in private from the beginning. Don't want the eldest two to resent the fact they didn't start off in private though.

Pfft-if they are choosing not to move how could they resent it? As long as the option to go private stays open to them should they change their mind, I don’t see a problem at all.

If you can afford it I'd send them all the independent school. We've done a combination of both for all our three and the indies have been so much better.
You can keep in touch with the other children and children often change their friendships as they go up the school anyway.

I would let the two oldest stay at their state school, but make it quite clear to them that they can move at any time should they wish.

I don't see a problem here at all. If you were going to say that the elder two would need to remain in state school for secondary in order to enable the younger to to go private, then yes that could obviously have the potential to cause problems down the line. But if the elder two want to stay where they are, and their school isn't so awful that it could be detrimental to their long term success (seems unlikely?) then I would absolutely go ahead with what you are suggesting without any guilt at all.

Your little two are so little (in fact new one isn’t even here yet!) I would honestly wait and see, hopefully your older children’s primary will pick up and private school is something you can think about for all of them for later.

Unfortunately education does seem to be less of a priority for this government but there does still seem a reasonable amount of intervention for failing schools so hopefully their primary will get lots of support and the fact your children are happy there is very telling.

You can probably see that I am not a fan of private education but I would never judge anyone else, everyone’s just trying to do the best for their kids, but you could give the state sector a bit longer I think without disadvantaging any of your children.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

Thanks all for your thoughts. As a teacher myself I know what some state schools are like - a massive emphasis on English and Maths with not much time for the other subjects like art and sports (subjects which my eldest two excel in). We have made them aware that they are free to move schools (to the private one) at any point and also explained to them how they will have alot more time for other subjects if they went to the other school. However they have a very large group of friends now who they have known since two and they got incredibly upset when we mentioned them moving schools. I really don't see how they're going to resent their younger siblings if they were given the opportunity to go to the same school and especially as they will attend a private secondary a couple of years after the younger ones start at the private school. One of you suggested sending them all to the independent school- I'm not sure we could do this as the class sizes are alot smaller and they love their friends and teachers so much at their current school. I'm not sure I could do it to them as their happiness is of paramount importance to me. Maybe when the younger two start there we can again give them another chance to go there too. My only worry is if they are like this now with their friends at 5 and 7 they may be even more adamant they don't want to be away from them in secondary either. It's such a hard decision as we don't want them to grow up thinking their other siblings education was more important than theirs. Yes of course the school could improve but never to the standard the private school offers as like I said, I know first hand that non core subjects such as art and sport aren't so important. They'd get so many more opportunities at the private school. X

With the best will in the world I wouldn't be letting a 5/6/7 year old have any say at all in the matter but would be doing what I thought was right and then presenting it to them with a positive spin and lots of reassurance that they would still see plenty of their friends.

Are you in an area where private secondary schools are oversubscribed because if so don't bank on getting the place you want at 11.

If you are determined to go private later will the children agree then?

Is it the sort of situation where 90% of the class are going to the same high school? Because you may have a bigger issue by the end of primary than you have now.

This is exactly what I am thinking. Half the children at the end of year 6 go to one school and the other half to the other (both state schools). So they'll be even more adamant at the end that they will want to go where their friends are going won't they... Avebury I completely agree with you. We shouldn't have asked them. We just thought it might make our decision a little easier and as they said they enjoy school and want to stay with their friends we feel like we should keep them where they are.

We are going to consider moving them more seriously if the school continues to go downhill (we will know by the summer term and after the eldest sits her SATS). Behaviour is awful so if that carries on then we will feel even more sure to move them. Of course if we do definitely decide to then we will say they can see their friends in holidays and they will also see them at rainbows/brownies ect.

If the school does improve I would still want the younger two to attend the private school just because I hate the way state schools teach and how they don't have any time for non core subjects. This is what I wanted to know- would the eldest two feel hard done by if we did do that.

I know we're talking 4 years away as that's when our 3rd will start reception but I know how quickly time flies and we want to save up as much as we can in the meantime as at some point we will be paying for all four to attend a private school.

Xx