I really don’t kniw if I can spend the rest of my life waiting for a minute

[DonaldDucksTowel]

Everything and I mean everything DP does is ‘in a minute’
Mop the floor? In a minute. Make a drink? In a minute. Text someone for me? In a minute. We need to go now we’ll be late? In a minute. Baby needs a nappy change? In a minute. Pass me the remote? In a minute. People are coming in half an hour you getting dressed? In a minute.
In a minute. In a minute. In a motherfucking minute!!
Only it’s never a minute
It can be an hour, it can be three, it can be fucking days until these ‘minutes’ end!

And then I’m ‘a nag’ and ‘always in a rush’ and “why does everything have to be now now now?”
Well not everything does have to be now, but they have to be at some point this fucking year and certain things just can.not.wait!
Just get up! Just do it! Rest when it’s done!?!

I honestly don’t know if I can spend the rest of my life waiting for him
I’m slowly going insane
I may kill him

... in a minute
🤯

Can you let him take responsibility for his own commitments and bear the consequences of his own lateness?

If he's still not dressed when people arrive, that's his lookout.

If you leave on time ot get somewhere and he's not ready, he's left behind.

If he's looking after the baby, he's doing that, you're not on hand to help.

Maybe he'll get his act together, maybe he'll ask you for help, maybe he really doesn't care.

Are you me? I could have written this post! Drives.me.mental

@TheLuckDragon I’ll be your alibi if you be mine?

lottiegarbanzo honestly I’d just end up doing everything myself an accused of being passive aggressive (this happens regularly, happened at the time of this post actually)
And stuff with the kids would just mean they would have no semblance of any routine if all left to when DP could be arsed
Also kind of means he could just opt out of doing stuff he didn’t fancy doing down to pure laziness?

OH can be a bit (llot) like this. He’s so laid back to the point of horizontal
As a PP suggested, I’ve stopped reminding him of things that don’t affect me, if he’s late for the dentist, that’s between him and the dentist. With things that do affect me, I spell it out to him “it’s 11 o’clock now, I need some help with x/we need to leave by before 11.10”. It seems to sharpen his mind a bit 😂

Oh OP you write a hilarious msg! The way it sounds is v funny but of course it's not a hilarious issue. My DH is a bugger for saying "could do". So I ask him shall we do something or can he do something, "could do" is the usual response. Once I actually threw a hot iron at him! He still does it but it's not as often these days. Good luck OP x

My suggestion would only work if you can share out some tasks and each take responsibility for your own. Then you'd see what doesn't get done at all. Painful for a while but a useful conversation point, if it demonstrates that 'in a minute' = never.

The real question is, how does he believe domestic labour and childcare should be apportioned between you? If his fundamental belief is that it's all your job and you should be grateful if he 'helps' at all, then he's never going to take responsibility for anything.

Asking him what tasks he his going to take on as 'his' might be a good place to start.

If he also believes that you are, in effect, his mother and have responsibility for ensuring he's dressed, teeth brushed and out the door on time, then you have a different level of problem.

In that case, discussing the boundary between 'adult personal care' and childcare might be useful too. (Men who want to act as children, or as helpless elderly, and women who agree to act as their carers, are a bit of a mystery to me. Especially when those women then choose to have sex with those men. It seems all kinds of creepy and inappropriate).

It's his way of dodging stuff so you'll do it. I was having the same thoughts this morning as I dug through the shed which is full up to the hilt with crap that was supposed to go to the tip and half done projects.

Except its not 'in a minute', its 'yeaaahhh'.
'Can you help me do a tip run with this [really heavy stuff that needs two people to lift]?'
'Yeaahhh.'
Never gets done. But you can't do that with a baby in a shitty nappy! I get it now that he doesn't mean yes he'll do it, but its a flat out no.

There is no such thing as a woman that nags, but usually a man that wont pull his weight.

DH could write this about me. It pisses me off that he expects me to drop whatever I'm doing and spring into action at his command.

I've got a feeling my dh could write this thread about me. Partly it's because I hate being told what to do.

Sounds like you’re living with a teenager OP.

I would stop the cycle of asking him to do things. Let him be late for things that don’t effect you. He’s an adult and should know what time he needs to leave for things. He’ll soon get it, or not!

Wouldn't agreeing areas of responsibility and completing 'your tasks' in your own time work for you, Notso and Jenny ?

Not wanting to jump to attention, or do something 'now' just because the other person is doing something now (and misery likes company), is totally different from declining to do anything useful at all, ever.

My dh is the same, it's drives me insane to say the least. No go in him what so ever and he's 26 😳 I'm sick of nagging him tbh it's boring.

I have this x3.

DH and two teenagers.

I’ve found that responding (smilingly and politely) to any/every one of DHs requests with ‘Yes, darling. In a minute’ knocks this on the head pretty quickly. I don’t ever have to say ‘but, it’s what you do to me’ and therefore start an argument. His face falls, and I can tell he’s thinking, ah fuck it. But whereas I might be asking for help in the garden or for the dishwasher to be emptied so I can refill it after I’ve finished cooking or some such thing that he deems ‘can wait till I’m ready’, his requests seem to be a bit more urgent like ‘can I quickly have your NI number before this website page times out’ or ‘could you run me to the station I’ve got lots to carry and my train leaves in ten’. That kind of thing. Tends to focus his mind for a few days at least.

I think we're married to the same man!

My dh seems to have lots of wives. I was thinking exactly this last night!

Ahh yes "in a minute " or "ill do it later on"
These must be mythical made up units of time as nothing ever happens.
Yet when i do what he was going to do "in a minute " he always says why have you done that i was going to do it "in a minute"
I swear my patience is frazzled

I feel your pain and feel like we need a support group.
Ill set one up "in a minute"🤣

This is so spot-on.

I'll reply to this thread in a minute.

Ha ha! 😄