Grief is ruining my marriage

[Binpedal]

I used to be a bit smug about my marriage. It's always been great and I just couldn't understand the concept of having to work hard at it.
But since my MIL died last year well I'm struggling with my feelings for DH. We were both close to her and obviously more so my DH. Although I'm grieving too, I totally understand that it's his mum and it will be so much harder for him. I want to support him and I have tried but I just feel flat and the spark between us has gone.
I never want to make love anymore and we argue a lot more.
Is this common, for grief to affect marriage like this? Will we get our spark back because it's breaking my heart
Perhaps you can share your experience if you've been through similar.

Some people become more vulnerable in their grief and get closer to those around them. Some people isolate themselves emotionally because the last thing they want after a trauma is to make themselves susceptible to more loss.
If MIL was the centre of that family maybe your DH felt he had to step up and take on extra responsibilities. He knew you could handle everything at home. He will adapt to this loss but as is often said, there's no time limit on grief.
If the two of you can access grief counselling separately and together I think it could help.

Many relationships break up following a bereavement. Our son died tragically and suddenly and we found out that many marriages never come through the death of a child. But on the other hand, many marriages break up in any case - it may be the marriages that break up following a bereavement were never going to make the long haul.

What I am saying is that your marriage may not recover, divorce is pretty common, but the least you and your DH can do is try and be kind to each other through this difficult time, whether you ultimately stay together or part.

My DH and my love for each other has truly been tested in the fire and is unbreakable. Your marriage may grow and strengthen as ours did, it may not. Time alone is the measure of true love. But if you can practice kindness to each other through the process, you may ultimately stay together, or achieve an amicable parting. Best of luck to you both, whatever the future holds.

I am so sorry you are going through this, you lost her too so it must be very hard on you.

Could you both get some grief counselling, it might help if it is available.

Good luck to you anyway and i am sorry again for all your losses on this thread. It is such a painful thing to lose someone you love. You all have my sympathy and understanding x