11 and half year old cannot be bothered to brush hair and has to be nagged and also

[LardLizard]

Has to be nagged to brush teeth
Surely at 11 and a half this child should be brushing her hair

With long hair then yes they probably should at 11. Maybe she just doesn't care a jot about hair though and would be better with a very short style?

It is surely part of their morning routine which they should have been doing since they got teeth.

I would get them to use disclosing tablets and show them gum disease and tooth decay pictures.

Yes suggested hat, even said if she doesn’t look after it then it will need to be cut a lot shorter
Still doesn’t change anything.

Yep she has disclosing tablets and a timer and an electric toothbrush or manual
She forgets to use the disclosing tablets
And sometimes even lies and says she’s brushed them when she hasn’t

My 18 year old is like this I'm waiting for toothache to convince her

Sounds exactly like my DD of the same age and I sympathise. I am hoping it's a stage.

She won't use deodorant either and doesn't care about being stinky.

I reckon it will all change when she starts high school

She’s already at secondary school, she also not that keen on baths or showers
Only really has one once or twice a week and moans about it
I’m thinking of telling her she needs a shower and hair wash every day
She also forgets her deodorant

We had the same with hair (not teeth). Adamant it was not going to be cut short, it was a real battle. Things gradually changed. Now aged 13 she looks after it beautifully with no prompting.

I reckon it will all change when she starts high school

Mine started in September and I'm still waiting...

My DSD at that age was told by school that they didn't need to clean their teeth as there were chemicals in the drinking water that meant they didn't have to.

Thanks 'school'. That didn't make life harder in any way.

It's pretty normal. Until they hit puberty then it is all nails and make up and you can't get them out of the bathroom. Especially when they discover your expensive body wash etc.

I hope it changes as she’s driving me nuts, what worh this and constant school drama friendships ups n downs

Does she NEED to brush her hair? Teeth yes, it’s a basic hygiene requirement, but brushing hair is not necessary. It depends on her hair type, but a lot of hair types look better if you DON’T brush them. Mine goes really frizzy/ static if I brush, so I only comb my hair, and only just after i’ve washed it - when it’s still wet, between washes the most i’ll do is run my fingers through it.

I’d focus on the teeth brushing battle, if she doesn’t brush her hair it’ll either be fine, look messy or get really tangled. The last is a natural consequence which’ll then teach her she does need to brush it occasionally, and if it looks messy, so what? That’s her choice to make, the worst that’ll happen is a teacher or other kids say something which again is more likely to make her change her behaviour.

Finally, you say threatening that she’ll need to have it cut doesn’t change anything. So does she actually care about it being long? Or is that your preference? Maybe the threat has no effect because it’s an outcome that she’d actually be happy with, in which case - get it cut.

DD 13 is still being nagged’ I now say she has to shower every other day but she still needs reminding. It is frustrating. Same with teeth. I think they don’t really appreciate how important tooth brushing is - until you’ve experienced tooth ache and then you never forget! I occasionally threaten to show her pictures of rotten teeth

Ah, yes. My 12 year old DD is exactly the same. Although she's like on the AS and that can be a classic trait.

Drives me insane actually. I asked her outright once, how she'd feel if someone thought she smelt bad or had bad breath and she shrugged "it wouldn't bother me" I'm SURE it would in reality, but in theory, she doesn't get what the fuss is about. She has two showers a week, which I would rather was every other day, but I guess I pick my battles. Same with changing underwear everyday and washing her hair. She doesn't think there's anything wrong with having greasy hair.

So I don't have much advice really I think at this age though, a bit of a tough love/cruel to be kind approach, might be the only way slightly forward. For example, if my DD does smell bad, I will tell her. Not in public or in front of anyone and I don't say it in a nasty way, but I will say "xxxx, when did you last shower?" and then just give her that look. I do feel bad, as I don't want to hurt her feelings, of course. It's 50/50 whether that gets her in the shower, so sometimes I just run it and tell her she needs to go in, like I'd tell her to do her homework, tidy her room etc.

Mine definitely did need to, it's waist length and straight, it looked horrendous when it was all knotty and matted. She brushes it every morning now no bother at all, but shows zero interest in nails, make-up, skincare other than face-washing.