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Original poster

What age of your children would you/ did you...

35 replies

misstakenone · 20/01/2019 12:13

Just after opinions really.
My dd is 12.9 and ds 9.6 so they are 3 years and a bit apart.
They get on well and are very sensible.
I have left them recently for 2 or 3 hours during the day occasionally and they have been fine.
With dd soon turning 13 I am beginning to wonder about evenings.
I am a lp and children do not see their dad so have very little child free time.
What ages would you leave both children home alone of an evening? Going out for say 2 or 3 hours but being home before roughly 9 on a week night or 10 on a weekend?
It is hard to know when this would become a possibility but would really help me develop a social life again. I would not go far, probably initially only within my own small town so could get back very quickly if needed and would not be drinking. And would obviously only do it when the children felt comfortable with it.
Just after opinions really?

OP posts:
gentlyscented · 20/01/2019 12:16

I'd say they are a bit young. 14 seems an appropriate age (that's when I left mine)

pinkhorse · 20/01/2019 12:16

I wouldn't leave a child for a few hours in the evening until they were around 14/15 and not with the added responsibility of looking after a younger sibling.

OurLove · 20/01/2019 12:17

I think now would be ok if they were confident and happy about it, knew what to do in various emergencies, could easily contact yourself/a trusted neighbour etc

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Families
Aloneforeverandever · 20/01/2019 12:23

I can't leave mine at all. They will do things like smash all the light fittings by throwing bags of flour at them. No SN, they just think it is hilarious. I was a latchkey kid at 9 or 10 so I can't get my head around anyone being unable to sit in a room without destroying it.

YogaWannabe · 20/01/2019 12:26

I think the ages they are now is fine!
I was babysitting babies on the road by the age of 12, I don’t know any NT 12 year olds who wouldn’t be capable of minding a younger sibling for a couple of hours.

Sharpandshineyteeth · 20/01/2019 12:27

I leave my 11 yo and 9 yo often in the care of my 15 yo. But to be honest he doesn’t really come down from his room but I am happy that the younger two are sensible and wouldn’t get up to much.

EllenJanesthickerknickers · 20/01/2019 12:30

My oldest was 14 before I was happy to leave them in the evening. But it does depend on how sensible your DC are and how well they get on.

whiteroseredrose · 20/01/2019 12:31

I babysat for 4-5 hours at night from the age of 13 but my mum was 10 mins walk away.

In your shoes I'd probably wait until the eldest is 13 then go out somewhere very local and make sure you're contactable.

Aprilshowersarecomingsoon · 20/01/2019 12:35

I have dc just 10, just 12+ just 13. Configurations of aloneness =older 2 together for an hour ish. Older 1 for up to an hour, younger one never with either /both!

PhannyMcNee · 20/01/2019 12:39

I would ask them if they are happy to be left first. Dc1 wasn’t at a similar age until dc4 choked and she had to ring 999 (I was there but trying to dislodge the food). She realised that she did know what to do in an emergency and after that was happy to babysit her younger siblings.

Additionally, we pay (still do and they are 17 & 15) the older 2 a pittance £10 that they split as they deem fair. Any arguing or fighting and they don’t get paid.

Hen2018 · 20/01/2019 12:42

I’m a minority on MN but never left before 14 and never in the evening before 16. And rarely then!

Am a lone parent too and it is a pain.

kaytee87 · 20/01/2019 12:48

I wouldn't have left them at all until the oldest was 14 as essentially the eldest is in charge.

For info

www.nspcc.org.uk/preventing-abuse/keeping-children-safe/leaving-child-home-alone/

Passthecake30 · 20/01/2019 12:48

If do it in the day time for that many hours, what do you think will be different if you do it early evening? Personally I'd leave it to the lighter evenings and give it a go if you think they are trustworthy.
I have a 9&10 year old who get on great (atm) so would probably leave them in 2-3 years and go out for an early meal with dp.

cricketmum84 · 20/01/2019 13:12

My DS has been coming home from school and alone for a couple of hours until we finish work since 11. Never been left that late on an evening.

However I really don't think it's fair to expect a 12/13 year old to take responsibility for a younger sibling.

megletthesecond · 20/01/2019 13:16

alone same. Mine can't be trusted together. I'd like a house to come home to.

ChoudeBruxelles · 20/01/2019 13:19

Ds is 13 in April. We will leave him in the evening to go round to friends who live approx 10 min walk away. If we’re going to be later than planned or if ds gets fed up on his own one of us just walks back to get him.

I think it depends how far away you are and if you are contactable/can get back if needed

potatoscone · 20/01/2019 13:21

I wouldn't . It's not your older child's responsibility.

museumum · 20/01/2019 13:26

At 12 and 9 I’d be thinking an hour 7-8ish very locally would be ok in the next year or so, building up to 2-2.5hrs home by 9.

Idontbelieveinthemoon · 20/01/2019 13:29

DS13 stays home alone at times; he has keys and lets himself in from school on days when I'm later home. He's sensible, lets the dogs out, feeds himself a snack and never gets into trouble. I'm less happy leaving him in the evening.

DS8 hasn't ever stayed home with him, though, and I don't think I'd let him simply because at 13 he should only be responsible for himself. 8 year olds are still silly and impulsive and I tend to organise our time so that DS8 comes with me/us if we're out.

Love51 · 20/01/2019 13:37

It is a conundrum that depends so much on the child / children. How well do they get on? Are they likely to try to start cooking? Will they go on banned internet sites? Personally I would wait until the younger one is 10, but I've never no idea why that is the magic number for me. I'd also want the older children to have some home alone experience - perhaps by you running errands with just the younger one in tow.

WTBE · 20/01/2019 13:40

It really does all depend on the individual kid. I was fine at home for a couple of hours from 11 onwards, in case of emergency had phone numbers, knew the neighbours well enough and just pottered around tbh.

Rubusfruticosus · 20/01/2019 13:48

I have a DS the same age as your DD and I leave him for the times you described. I'd wait until the summer when the evenings are light and the younger child is closer to 10 before I'd leave both of them.

crazycrofter · 20/01/2019 20:08

We left ours for 2-3 hours in an evening once a week from ages 11 and 13. They love being left! I don’t think they do anything different from what they’d do if we were there though. They usually do homework/watch TV/play on the Xbox.

underneaththeash · 20/01/2019 20:18

My eldest two are 12.8 and 10.5. I don't think my eldest is old enough to babysit, therefore I go from the age of my youngest and I don't think a 10 year old should be left for more than an hour alone during the day.

I wouldn't leave either of them during the evening, can you just not get a babysitter occasionally?

Original poster
misstakenone · 20/01/2019 21:00

thanks everyone. Its interesting to see the wide range of responses. I think most err on them being a bit young. I do get a babysitter occasionally but it adds £20 a night onto any socialising which makes it very hard to do. I'd love to do a regular exercise class or join a book group or something or even be more available for dating. Is so hard sometimes as I feel quite isolated being a single mum anyway but this makes it even more isolating. But the children come first and am only looking at another year or 2 I suppose

OP posts: