I don't want sex with my husband

[Bexie181088]

Hi
I know my husband is disappointed that we don't have more affection anymore. He doesn't like that I get into my pjs as soon as possible and that we don't kiss and cuddle like we used to but to be honestly I feel drained trying to keep everything else spinning. Work, the house, the kids, listening to my husband talk about his job. I don't have much body confidence after having the kids so I don't want to be strutting around the house with hardly anything else on like he would like. He gets very stressed with lots of things which if I'm honest doesn't make me want to be affectionate when he's being grumpy. I'm just not sure what to do!

You need to talk, tell him how you feel.

One of you needs to be the first to tackle it or you’ll drift apart. Hope you work it out

Is it that you don’t want sex? Or is it thar you don’t you want sex with him?

What was your sex life like with him and others when you were single?

As for body confidence, we all get older including him. Try and have confidence in your own nakedness. Ditch the PJs.

I don't want sex with my husband, haven't for at least 10 years. We still love each other, have a great relationship, just no sex. It's not the only thing in a marriage.

It's a really common stage. I would recommend counselling together to agree some strategies, look at how you can work together to reduce workload, have affection without the pressure of sex, and reconnect sexually.
Realistically, after a few years like this, even though it is normal and you are knackered, he might look elsewhere for sex ... then feelings follow ....and you are looking at a massive mess.

I don't have sex with my husband often because we are both shattered from life with two young kids. It isn't because I don't want to though. It is just because we both need sleep!

I think this is really common. I know that sex with my DH has felt,at times,like another job to do on my never ending list of chores and unfortunately, because the only chance to do it is once the kids are in bed, I’m at my most exhausted by then.

Things have improved though. The kids are older, we’re less knackered. I think as long as you still love each other and the sparks still there it’ll come back.

You do need to put the effort in though. Quality over quantity I think. Set some time aside to reconnect.

You need to work out a way he can help you, in order too bring back your sex drive. It's not fair on him and you'll risk pushing him away if you don't communicate. Maybe one night he can put the kids to bed and sort out the washing up, whilst you relax in the bath? Life is hard and I fully understand where you're coming from though. But I've also been on the receiving end of DH "looking" elsewhere and it made me realise that love takes effort from both parties.

Talk to him! It is very common to not feel like sex if you feel you have the weight of the world on your shoulders so I'm sure if he supports you more then that could help.

Also do you enjoy it when it does happen? I also want to be in PJs and asleep ASAP in the evening but then when we do have sex, it reminds me that it is bloody fun and we should do it more often!

Exhaustion tends to be a bit of a passion killer. If he can't work out that you're too knackered, and you wouldn't be if he pulled his weight, then shame on him.

@LadyKalila would you mind if he had sex with someone else? Or is he happy to be I a sexless relationship too?

OP I agree, talk to him.

There are a lot of marriages like LadyKalila's, where the other half just goes elsewhere for sex. So many in fact that whole business models of online dating agencies exist. It's the more old fashioned marriage as business model. Op doesn't seem to be on that page.

@LadyKalila would you mind if he had sex with someone else? Or is he happy to be I a sexless relationship too?
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Yes. He doesn't.*