Audition situation. A "Do I say something?" dilemma. Long, sorry.

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DD (11) has been part of a children’s am dram group for 3 years which she has loved to go to from the start.

This year they are putting on her favourite show and she was so excited. She put a lot of work into 3 audition pieces hoping to get one of the supporting roles. Before the audition I saw that the first Dress Rehearsal (they have one Tech and 2 Dress on the week of the show) was on the day that I’d already booked tickets for an Event, only happening on that actual date.

I explained the situation to the group leaders. As I expected, they said that they wouldn’t give her an actual part because her absence would put off the others. They did allow her to do the general audition you have to do to get the odd spoken line.

When the parts were released she got nothing at all. Not one line. She was absolutely gutted. I’ve told her it’s not her, it’s the situation. I’ve sympathised with her and explained their reasoning. Privately I think it’s pretty shit that they couldn’t let her have one line; it isn’t her fault that she’s missing one rehearsal. She usually has 100% attendance, unlike the people who always get parts [cough, cough]. She says I shouldn’t have told them until after the auditions. I thought I was being fair to the group, but now I’m thinking I’ve let my DD down. I’ve toed the party line and haven’t let on to her that I agree with everything she has said.

Time for rehearsal this morning and for the first time ever she told me she didn’t want to go. This has really taken all the joy out of it for her. I’ve been tough with her and said she either has to go or drop out of it completely, and made her get in the car, but I’ve never seen her like this. She has never had an actual part, so she’s used to being knocked back, but has had a solo verse or line in 2 (of 7 previous) productions.

Dilemma is that I’m meeting up for coffee with one of the leaders next week (we were friends before the group started), and really want to tell her how much this has upset DD. Would it make me That parent? WWYD?

Hmm that’s a tricky one. Are there other children who are in the group who’ve never had a part eg no line at all- have they been given something.

Be honest ( I know she’s your dd so I mean no harm) are the chn that regularly get parts better/ more suited to s particular role than you dd?

I think I’d probably suck it up but inwardly rage because if dd continues with her hobby you’ll be THAT parent. If however she’s feels it’s come to the end of it either generally or with that group I’d tell them clearly why she was leaving.

Difficult one. Local group asks at audition for any planned absences during rehearsal period with a max number allowed for ensemble and fewer, if any, for principals but few declare any until later on. Dd is also a regular ensemble performer, I suspect her reliability is seen as an asset but not worthy of a larger role in more recent productions. Might be worth a casual remark but not push it.

When she auditions and doesn't get the part she's pretty good. Disappointed, but accepting that's how it works. Had she auditioned for those roles and then not got them she would have taken it with good grace. Had I not said anything it would have gone on her performance, and that's what I'm kicking myself over.

There are a number of kids that you watch and think wow!, and know that's why she didn't get the role she went for, but there are also at least 3 I can think of who get a small part every production and they are rubbish. I sit in the front row and can never hear them. All 3 of them have roles in this production as well. We also noted the absence at today's rehearsal of one of the recipients of a main role

I think I won't say anything unless my friend brings it up. I also think that I won't be volunteering information about absence prior to auditions in future.

That’s annoying op about the other three chn.

I think your plan is good.

I'd be honest with your DD about your feelings. Don't worry about 'toeing the party line'- why shouldn't she know that you agree with her? Life's not fair, unfortunately, and she's learning that the hard way. But there's no harm in you sympathising with her about how crap it is.

As for mentioning this to them...I don't know. Is there a different group she can join? I'd look around I think.

I’d let her drop out of this show if she wants to and return for the next one. If you’d said nothing before the audition they’d have coped without her for one dress rehearsal. So I’d say nothing in future. As you said, others have got big roles and are missing multiple rehearsals, which I’d argue is more disruptive than missing just one with advance notice.

Maybe she just didn't audition well - why don't you ask for feedback from her audition and take it from there?

You live and learn. I went through life being open and honest and doing the right thing. This is one of those situations where it hasn't worked. I would actually discuss that with your friend/leader.

Pull her out of this show and look for other opportunities that will stretch her creativily. Find the Grade 1 or 2 LAMDA Acting exam pieces and get her to focus on building her skills and focus her energies elsewhere to avoid being disheartened. Join a Youth Theatre, look on Mandy.com for professional jobs for children or contact your local theatre and see what they run for young people.