Thinking of changing DS’s middle name

[retainertrainer]

He’s 10. We gave him a middle name that we just liked, no family connection to it. I don’t really know what we were thinking. DH and I have both since said to each other that we don’t really like it anymore. DS isn’t fussed on it one way or the other. If DS is up for it, would it seem a really odd thing to do to change it at this point?

I’m thinking of doing it now because he’s starting secondary school in September so it’d be a fresh start with it.

I wonder if I’m just over thinking it though? We wouldn’t need to make an announcement about it would we? We could just do it quietly. I’d quite like him to have the same middle names as DH (they’re both our fathers middle names too). I don’t know why we didn’t do it in the first place.

To be honest, I think at ten, what’s done is done. It’s just a middle name.

I'd add it as an extra. To remove his name together when he's had it for ten years seems a bit pointless, and possibly a bit weird for him - surely by now your biggest association with that name is your lovely DS?

I think you need to talk to your son

I’ve really got no connection to the middle name at all. It just feels pointless. I’d like him to have that family link with his middle name.

Actually, now I think if it I know exactly why we didn’t do it in the first place-it was my mum! She didn’t ‘agree’ on passing names on. She thought every child should have their own name. What a load of BS!

Of course I’d speak to DS, I just wanted to see what people thought of the idea before I go any further with it.

At ten I don't think it's your business anymore and totally irrelevant whether you like it or not. It's his name, his identity and nothing to do with anyone else. Unless he's expressed a desire to change it then, in the nicest possible way, mind your own business.

Fair point rock.

Thinking back to when I was 10. If my parents had suddenly decided to change my middle name I’d have found it really odd.

I might just have a very casual chat asking if he’d change anything about the name if he could. (I don’t think he even knows that you can change a name if you want to)

I think it's very odd and you would be setting him up for a very annoying time when he has to explain it

Just leave it alone

Once registered I don't see the point in changing names.

Just be sure when you do it in the first place. My middle name isn't popular anymore but I doubt my mum sits at home thinking she should change it.

Yeh I need to let it go. Kicking myself though. I obviously loved the name at one point. At least we got his first name right.

I genuinely don’t see the point in changing a middle name ten years down the line - all your giving your DS is another name he won’t use and a lifetime of having to declare a birth name and a changed name in every single piece of formal documentation

Maybe you'll love it again in the future?

I think it’s the connection that I want. He’s an only child,I’m carrying grief about that. I think I just want him to feel rooted to his families. His middle name won’t do that though will it. I need to give myself a talking to!

Sorry I know that’s going to sound like a massive drip feed! I really didn’t mean it to,I’m just sitting here reading the replies and it’s got me thinking about the reason behind it all.

I can’t believe you’re blaming your mum. You named him.

I dream about doing this. We gave ds a particular middle name because it’s Fil’s name. I really regret it, Fil didn’t appreciate it in the slightest and the in laws don’t have much time for me or ds anyway. I didn’t even like the name but dh was quite insistent

We have just the one as well, and chose both his names deliberately with no reference to family names at all, because I wanted him to have names which were his own, which we had chosen JUST because we loved them and thought they suited him, not foisting Bernard on to him (no offence to any Bernards out there) to honour some great uncle or other.

I can't imagine changing them at this stage.

Thankyou for everyone’s replies. They’ve really helped.

Thankyou for everyone’s replies. They’ve really helped.