Advice/tips for reading at a funeral

[Proudteachermummy]

Just wanted some advice/tips for doing a reading at a funeral.
It is my FILs funeral this week and my DH has asked me to read out a tribute we have written together. He wanted to read it but he is finding it all very tough so has asked me to do it.

I have read it a few times now and there is one part that I keep getting emotional over and just need so tips on how to keep strong through it.

I was very close to FIL as my own dad passed away when I was young and he was also very close to our DC, who will be at the funeral too. I really want to do this for DH and FIL but worried I'll get too emotional.

Bottle of water to sip and wear extremely uncomfortable shoes. Not ones that you can’t walk in, but just uncomfortable.

Take your time, stop and breathe whenever you need to.

Good luck

I’ve been in a very similar situation, and one thing I found helpful was to have someone in the audience who I could make eye contact with to bring me back if I felt I was about to get wibbly - with their knowledge, if that makes sense. That said, there was a similar thread recently where most people said they found it helpful to have no eye contact with the audience. Anyway, it’s something to think about.

I’d also keep the pace gentle, and keep your breathing steady. Don’t be afraid to smile if you’re sharing an amusing story. And remember, everyone will be on your side, so to speak, and willing you on.

Practise it, speaking slowly and clearly. I think that eye contact helps. Remember to breathe.

I read at my mum's funeral last month. I looked at the coffin on the way up but didn't glance at it while I read. I made eye contact with my DH and my children but at other times while I looked up I didn't focus on any particular person. I read slowly and just figured that everyone else there would understand if I got upset as they loved and missed her too.

Or ask the person who is leading the service to read it ?
There is no way I could have read / spoken at either of my parents funerals. It really makes me squirm when people somehow feel this is something they HAVE to do, and then they break down / find they can't. I don't understand why you would put yourself under such pressure. Your dh has written it. The service leader would make that clear, and will be able to deliver it so much better than a person who was that close to the deceased.
I'm sorry for your loss, but humbly suggest there is no reason to put yourself through this on what will be a really emotional day. Your dh has already (very sensibly) acknowledged this.

Practice practice practice until you can get through it. Literally dozens of times, out loud. I wrote and delivered mum’s tribute, it worked for me although the last line was a bit squeaky. And try not to make eye contact with too many people in the front rows until the end, they may be tearful and that makes it difficult.

Can you also go to the actual church/crematorium and practise with the microphone etc? I have done this and being able to stand in the spot and practise the reading aloud really helped me.

Seconding PurpleWithRed's advice to read it over and over again, until it just becomes words; someone told me that when I was going to do a reading at the funeral of one of my dearest friends. It really doesn't matter if your voice cracks or you have to pause for a few seconds. You could ask someone to stand by to take over from you if you find you can't go on.

Good luck and I'm so sorry for your loss.

I wouldn’t overthink it, it you get emotional people will understand, it’s a funeral after all. If you break down it won’t spoil anything, you’ll have done your best and people will only think you care. No one will think bad of you

I did a tribute at my Mum's funeral recently. I practised reading it out loud until I could do it without crying although I still cracked at one point, I did get through it.

I typed it out with big spaces to remind me to speak slowly and to pause occasionally. It was very hard to do but I'm glad I did it.

I hope it goes well.

Breathe.

When I had to do similar I practiced a lot as pp's have suggested.

However the best thing was regulating my breathing.

It might sound odd but just focusing on inhale/exhale in the context of what I was reading (and I wrote it into my notes i.e. "inhale here") gave me something physical and tangible to focus on rather than the emotional content of what I was saying.

I deliberately didn't make eye contact with anyone as I felt it might trigger an emotional reaction from myself.

Having some water handy is a good idea incase your throat gets dry.

Don't think about what the words mean at the time. Tune out from them a bit and say it aloud beforehand until you can almost recite it.

Thank you all so much for the advice. Been practising all morning and beginning to get there it without welling up. Definitely stopping when I need has helped already.

@Backforgood I don't feel I HAVE to do it, I want to do it, for me, for him and for my DH. We have been on the journey of his illness for the last 5 year's and were with it in his last minutes, hours, days, this is something I want to do in his honour. I just wanted some advice from people who may have done it before.

I did one for my stepdad a couple of weeks ago. He was my stepdad for over 40 yeas since I was tiny so we were close. I can’t read off a script so I just made vague notes and then ad libbed. This meant I couldnt get the priest to read for me when I did start to feel emotional though.
It is difficult, but as others have said everyone is wishing you well. I managed to get to the end and then started to well up so did finish fairly abruptly.
Good luck xxx