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Original poster

Fathers rights

13 replies

monicaariigby · 18/01/2019 23:07

Hello. I'm having alot of trouble with ex partner regarding our daughter.

We were together approximately four months when he left me for another woman, at this time I was 10 weeks pregnant. When he left me he was abusing me on social media and I was having abusive messages off his friends and girlfriend at the time. I kept all evidence and even reported to the police three times and they logged it. He eventually split up with the girl and abused her online so she also went to the police.

He didn't want to know me until the end when he finally started being nice. So as I wanted the best for my baby I allowed him at the birth. Things were ok for a week or two and I let him and his nan have her alone for 2 hours ever 2 weeks. Within their care, his nan got drunk and fell down the stairs with my baby at a couple of weeks old. From then I was determined to keep her safe and in my care so I said they can visit WHENEVER aslong as they come to my house. They didn't like it, and hassled me to take her all the time even though I said no countless times. When it came to registry I texted my babys dad a long respected message as to why I wont be putting him on the birth certificate due to safety reasons and trust issues as in the past he has threatened to KIDNAP her. I said maybe when she's older approximately 6 months when I'm back at work, if things are ok I'm happy to change the birth certificate. He has been visiting my daughter only when his mom or nan will drop him off, he won't make his own way. I'd pick him up alot and we'd go out for the day so he can see her. All of a sudden I've had a letter from his solicitor stating that I have stopped him seeing her!! and I have abused HIM on social media. He's demanded seeing her 3 days a week, 1pm until 6pm!! so in my eyes he can get a lie in and still go out on the night avoiding morning feeds and taking her to bed !!! This letter is based on a pack of lies, what do i do!!!!?

I don't want her in her nans care after the incident, and I don't want her at her dad's flat as he has two big dogs and the flat is a mess! baby's father has mental issues and is on a disability allowance for them. I tried to contact my babys dad regarding the letter but I am blocked. When I tried on my other phone he put the phone down on me and his nan told me not not contact him.

OP posts:
AllPowerfulLizardPerson · 18/01/2019 23:21

What youndo is get a lawyer to write to rebut the false allegations, and to make a counterproposal for access.

Two hours fortnightly is woefully little. The rights that matter here are those of the DC, who has a right to a relationship,with both parents. As you have restricted it so much, a brief transition period might be needed, but afternoons 3 times a week sounds pretty normal.

BTW, as he has retained a lawyer, it is likely a request for a court order for PR (and being put on birth certificate) may follow shortly.

Have you got maintenance properly sorted out?

catherinecr · 18/01/2019 23:37

Hi, no, I've had no financial support/ maintenance whatsoever since birth.

Maybe I wasn't clear, he was round nearly every day, but I only let them have her alone every other week when his mom wasn't at work to fetch her. So it wasn't just every fortnight he saw her after birth.

My issue is how can he have a case against me when I haven't actually stopped him seeing her atall and why can he demand days and timings on his terms when he's not down on the birth certificate? I'm more than happy for a schedule to be made, but not on his terms as I have to go back to work and he doesn't work. I do not want him on the birth certificate whatsoever as going behind my back and lying was my biggest issue in the first place. There was an occasion they had her and didn't return her until nearly midnight and ignored my calls.

TheSerenDipitY · 19/01/2019 07:04

get a lawyer.... now

Mooey89 · 19/01/2019 07:10

I actually think you’ve been quite reasonable.
He’s probably just paid for solicitor to write a letter.

See a solicitor. He will get on the birth certificate. Think about what you see as reasonable access. A couple of hours a few times a week for a small babies seems reasonable - think about this in a contact centre so you know she’s safe.

pusspuss9 · 19/01/2019 07:14

There's no way on this earth I'd let her go in a flat with two big dogs. Utter madness.

MrsBertBibby · 19/01/2019 07:23

Call the CMS and start a claim for support.

See a solicitor about the contact issue, CAB can often get a free consultation if you need.

What are his mental problems?

NotANotMan · 19/01/2019 07:23

Don't panic, he doesn't have a case against you, this is just a solicitors letter based on what he's told the solicitor.
I would write back to the solicitor setting out the reasons why you do not agree to the contact arrangements and outlining what contact you do agree to. I highly doubt he will take you to court but if he does gather as much evidence as you can of risk posed by him and his man.

Yearofthemum · 19/01/2019 07:51

I would cut him off completely.

Shoxfordian · 19/01/2019 07:55

Can you get your own solicitor to respond to this? Write back explaining your reasons for contact and keep any evidence you have

Weenurse · 19/01/2019 07:58

Good luck 💐

catherinecr · 19/01/2019 11:39

He has Anxiety, Chronic depression, ADHD, OCD. Sectioned by mental health act when he was younger.

catherinecr · 19/01/2019 11:41

Thankyou, I'm going to speak to the citizens advice bureau on monday

MrsBertBibby · 19/01/2019 12:38

If he does take it to court that may be no bad thing. Gives scope for proper assessment.

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