Customer coffee pt2

[babsmargarita]

Hello all. So I posted in what would you do yesterday about a man far more than half my age acting very inappropriately towards me in work. Well I'm here again today to say that I am fucking gobsmacked at what's happened today to be frank. So I spent all day worrying he was going to come in, and lo and behold he does. Searches for me round the floor and everything. This time he has a fucking card for me (I'm literally shaking with anxiety and saying um ok as he hands me it) - well anyway, he flies off and I'm there in the middle of the shop floor having a panic attack. I finally open the card and he says something to the effect of 'sorry I've messed up' your fb request - I obviously cancelled it - says 'can I get your number again?(never bloody had it in the first place!!!!!!!), and then says about still going for the coffee!!!! I'm absolutely shocked and saddened at this point at the absurdity of this mans behaviour to a bloody 17 year old shop assistant. To top it all off the card has coffee cups with love hearts in the foam on them. I am so disgusted. Where do I go from here??? I really don't think I can just ignore as this man is the type to only keep pushing it further. Just so angry and honestly want to quit my job at this point. Could really use your support everyonehaven't even told my coworkers cus I'm so embarrassed as I feel like I'm the one who's done something wrong here just cus I'm a jovial person

Could you tell your supervisor/manager and perhaps ask them to have a word with him? Otherwise I think totally ignoring him, disappearing for a loo break (if you're allowed), finding excuses not to serve him etc. However if you feel able to it might be better to tell him straight that you do not wish to be friends with him as he is much older than you, said loudly and clearly. Don't be surprised if this is greeted with a hurt look, expressions of disappointment, denial that he intended anything inappropriate .... it's just a tactic. I feel for you, it is hard when you have been brought up to be polite and friendly to have to be blunt.

He is either very clueless or very weird.

You need to calm down and stop getting so stressed.

Just say that you are not interested, Facebook is for Older people and you have no interest in having coffee with him. Be polite and dull and then walk away and serve someone else.

If he starts hassling you, get your supervisor involved but just don't be too interested in men, they take it the wrong way and think you are up for it.

I think you need to tell your manager/supervisor and be honest with the man that nothing will happen and you won't be giving your number or having coffee. Don't give up your job but be more direct(I know sometimes harder than saying it!). Please let your manager know, they can help you

The thing is I don't have the opportunity to say to him a firm no as there are always other customers around and I don't want to embarrass myself (couldn't care less if he is embarrassed, he should be) - also to those saying I need to calm down, I completely get where you're coming from however tell me you weren't like this this first few times this sort of thing (old men being weird) inevitably happened to you as a young girl? I think it's easier when you can look back with experience but this is beyond my experience and I apologise for just not knowing how to handle it. It doesn't really help that I have anxiety either I suppose.

Also I will be telling my manager as she has been very accommodating with issues like this before. Thanks for the advice on that. It's just dealing with the man myself. He basically springs up out of nowhere so I wouldn't even be able to hide in the stockroom/toilets etc (which we are encouraged to do if someone who makes us uncomfortable comes in) - I'm sorry to be pathetic but I really just do not have it in me to walk off on anybody

You told him you were going to buy his book and then you added him on Facebook in front of him.
What was he supposed to think?

Next time he comes up to you, just tell him that you've seem to have accidentally given him the impression that you want to be friends with him but in fact, you have no interest in getting to know him better and you'd like him to leave you alone from now on. Then turn around and walk away.

You really have to stop and think before responding to any friendship requests in future and make sure you are clear to that person about your intentions. It really isn't reasonable to blame the other person for misunderstanding when you can't be straight with them in the first place.

I appreciate that you're young but you really need to learn to think and act more assertively. Maybe practice some role play with a friend? Otherwise, you're going to find yourself agreeing to all sorts of annoying requests from both men and women and you'll end up feeling miserable about it.

I used to have a friend in her 40's, who couldn't turn anyone down. She could never see that she was solely responsible for feeling put upon and she just had to learn to say no. She always agreed to everything anyone asked of her but then she'd moan to everyone else about why she was always the one everyone relied upon. I got fed up of her playing the martyr so I gradually stopped meeting up with her in the end.

"Excuse me, I'm very busy," then walk off, every time he comes to you.

He's probably got confused with you being unusually interested in his book and then adding him on Facebook. Most people wouldn't do that with someone they want to keep at arm's length, so I don't think his misguided interest is stalkerish or threatening.

Go back and look at my post on on your last thread...

Just say to him ‘It seems that we were talking at cross purposes. You caught me on the hop when you asked before about Facebook, I was just trying to be polite to a customer but I deleted it as it’s not appropriate for us to linked on there and it’s also not appropriate for us to go for for a coffee - you’re a customer and you’re old enough to be my grandfather. Please don’t embarrass either of us by raising this again.

I would also talk to your supervisor in advance so that she can also be there to support you when he comes in again...

Replied on other thread. Ignore his messages or invitations. If he is persistent tell him it is inappropriate for you to be friends with customers. Keep it impersonal and report to your supervisor if he does not get the message. Agree with those suggesting a firm but polite "sorry I am dealing with another customer/about to go on the till/need to go to stockroom/need to speak to manager" etc. You could ask your supervisor if the company offer any assertiveness or customer service courses to help you with difficult situations in future.

Replied on other thread. Ignore his messages or invitations. If he is persistent tell him it is inappropriate for you to be friends with customers. Keep it impersonal and report to your supervisor if he does not get the message. Agree with those suggesting a firm but polite "sorry I am dealing with another customer/about to go on the till/need to go to stockroom/need to speak to manager" etc. You could ask your supervisor if the company offer any assertiveness or customer service courses to help you with difficult situations in future.

Thank you again everyone. I've talked to my mum as well about this and she advises very much the same thing. I suppose the only way to learn how to deal with these situations is to go through them! Another thing that helps is that I'm on holiday from work for the next two weeks (today is my last day before then, in the staff room as I type this) so I don't have to worry about bumping in to him. If he brings it up again after that I promise to make it very clear to him that it's inappropriate, especially after ignoring his card.