Started even with the birth!
I'd have a natural, but realistic approach to birth & pain relief millions of women have children every day after all...
Had also planned to have a big family at least 4.
REALITY
had to be induced, 28 hr labour (admittedly no pain relief for most of it) but ended in emcs as dd in distress, my heart went wonky and they nearly lost us both. Epidural for cs so dds dad was there, but I was in and out of consciousness and it wasn't until a few weeks later when a tearful then husband said how scary it was, that he had a couple of moments where he was terrified he'd be phoning my parents to say he'd lost us both, so much so that he'd "prepped" my parents by telling them things were "serious", so much so that when he did call to say "all fine although baby in scbu" he forgot to say & mum forgot to ask if boy or girl.
Due to what happened I was 'strongly advised' not to risk another pregnancy as it would be potentially fatal. I think in this day and age we forget pregnancy and birth is still risky and mothers do still die from (thankfully rare) complications even with the best medical care available.
EXPECTATION - baby stage
I was going to be a relaxed, routine free mum, not stress about nap times & feed times
REALITY
A baby that NEEDED routine and who not only was out of sorts but became quite overwrought even poorly if it wasn't stuck to.
EXPECTATION
I was going to bf for at least a year, longer if dd wanted to.
REALITY
A medical issue meant my milk dried literally instantly one day. Cue an awful night (actually only 4 hours but felt longer!) of a very hungry baby and then a mad dash to supermarket (think we were there half hour before it opened!) to get bottles, formula etc, then took several goes to find a formula she didn't instantly throw up! Also had problems with nipples.
EXPECTATION - Toddler stage
Like op I would remain calm, remove dd or I or both from the situation, go for a walk etc
REALITY - once had a 3 hour argument about bedtime with a 2 year old! Both in tears by the end. With hindsight, should've just brought her downstairs or gone to bed with her. I think though I had an exam I was studying for.
EXPECTATION - primary school years
Nice little routine, dd will have stimulation and I'll get cute little school photos.
REALITY - I was a full time working Lp at this point I was knackered!! Dd mostly loved school but had some issues with bullying, also she couldn't stay neat & tidy if her life depended on it (although to my shame I now know that this was partly down to her at that point undx disability). There's one photo where she literally has one pigtail in and one out and sort of "backcombed" looking, cardigan off one shoulder and shirt untucked And that was AFTER the teacher tidied her!
EXPECTATION teens years
Expected difficulties, expected tantrums etc but also thought nice mum and dd time going shopping and teaching her how to do make up, helping with homework etc
REALITY
dealing with a desperately unhappy child who was newly dx with a disability that meant she had to give up her beloved hobbies, have orthotics and braces fitted just at the point where her appearance massively tied in with her confidence and making her 'different' at a time she just wanted to fit in, have appointments and time off school...
However also - very few subjects I had anything to help her with she was WAY ahead of me on the rest! To the point she was able to sit and pass a few exams 1-2 years early.
Motherhood hasn't been how I imagined it would be at all. Dd drives me demented at times (not least because I've made the foolish mistake of teaching her sarcasm and effective debating skills 😂)
But I'm very proud of her and excited to see what happens next.
Due to the health issues she's an only (effectively, her dads had 5 more but she so rarely sees them that they're more like cousins if that) and she says she's planning a big family herself - purely so I can look after them all 😂😂😂
Quite how that's going to work with the high flying career she has in mind and her seemingly very high standards when it comes to men I'm not sure.
"That I would be back at work six months after having DS." I have a friend who is really lovely but does EVERYTHING on a schedule, right from ttc she got frustrated very early on - cos "I've worked it all out know EXACTLY when I'm ovulating I should be pregnant by now" - 3 months ttc. When she did fall pregnant she then scheduled everything else - and that included planning to go back to work when baby was 6 weeks old, full time no muss no fuss. When she went overdue that threw her, then she had it all organised, baby had excellent childcare and she went back to work at 6 weeks... And couldn't do it. Sat in her car bawling poor love. Thankfully understanding boss agreed to rearrange and she did a phased return starting several months later.