Does anyone else have a clinger?

[FranklinTheCat]

And if so, how do you handle it?

Just dropped DS off at nursery for the first time. He's 3 (but quite young for his age, just under 3.5). Floods of tears, clinging to me all through getting dressed, complaining about not wanting to go, dissolved into tears on arrival.... I've got to go back shortly for him as it's a settling-in session today. I still sometimes get this on childminder mornings and he's been going to childcare since he was a year old and to current childminder for 18 months.

He's not good with change, new situations, etc. Knows what he likes and likes what he knows.

He does tend to settle eventually - recent extra-curricular involved three weeks of howling tantrums and refusal to participate when he graduated to the "parents wait outside" class - and now he runs in.

Any ideas on how I can make transitions easier for him? I've tried being positive, chatting in advance so he knows what to expect, buying relevant books (Pirate Pete goes to nursery) - it doesn't seem to make a difference.

The easiest way is to stick to a routine, and preferably keep a very clear concept of mummy time and nursery time. Nursery time happens inside nursery, so cruel as it may seem, leave as quickly as you can.

Do you go inside to do shoes and coat, or are they encouraged to be independent and do it themselves?

Does the teacher meet you at the door? At our nursery we had to knock (separate entrance from the rest of the school) and be let in by a member of staff. I had a clinger too, so when the staff opened the door with a cheery hello I would bend down an give a big hug. Still hugging I would say "be bye, mummy loves you, have fun, see you soon" And as I stood up I would lift the child with me and simultaneously sweep him into the teacher's arms. Then I would turn and leave. No time for him to get upset, no expectation set for me to stay.

It took a week or two before he was wriggling out of my hug, eager to get inside but it worked. All the crying was for my benefit, if I wasn't there to witness it there was no point.

Oh god I have a clinger. DS was just like this when he started nursery but eventually he settled and it's done him the world of good!! Don't get me wrong, he's still not the most outgoing child in the world but he's gone from not letting me leave the room without him to not noticing whether or not I'm there half the time 😂 he wouldn't go off to the park with close family members before, but now he'll happily wander off.
I agree with ARandomPoster stick to a routine and be as positive and reassuring as you can and eventually it'll become his new normal and it'll hopefully help him with the clinging.
It's heartbreaking for you, but remind yourself that it'll benefit your DC

My almost 3 year old is exactly like this. He only goes to preschool one day a week, which doesn't really help the routine. We get the tears beforehand, the 'I don't want to go to preschool' which breaks my heart, and just a fight every morning. All I can say is gently persist. Is there something at nursery he likes? With mine, hie key worker would take him to the garden/play area when he first arrived; this was away from the other kids, and he loves being outside. It settled him in to the environment. Now (he started after October half term last year) he's got to the point where he's still not happy in the morning and still says he doesn't want to go, but I can point him towards his key worker and he'll go of his own volition. I say 'goodbye, have a nice day' which he ignores, but then I've never made a very big deal of goodbyes.

He goes to my mum's house 3 days a week and, if we've had a stressful night or he's in a tired/stressed state he will sometimes cry and resist drop off there too, which is harder as he really cries, but I get a photo or video from mum 20 minutes later and he's happy as Larry.

I try to always let him know when I'll see him again. He doesn't have a great sense of time, but I tell him I'll see him after dinner, or I'll come back tonight, to try and reinforce that he's not being abandoned. Sadly I think it's a phase we're going to have to slowly work through.

Thank you so much for replying - I haven't been able to get online much the last few days (partly due to Clingy McClingy ). He survived his first few days at nursery school, but has been rather hard work at home...

Very glad I am not the only one with a clinger!

There are some great tips here - one of the nursery workers distracted him today by getting him to come and wave me off through a different window (sobbing and gulping) but he came striding out looking very confident holding onto another member of staff's hand - so I think this is going to go more smoothly than we might have anticipated. Fingers crossed!