Older customer at work has asked me to coffee

[babsmargarita]

Hello all. This is a bit of a strange one but I'm feeling really uncomfortable and just need a bit of advice on how to handle this situation. So I work retail and we have a customer than comes in regularly. He's in a wheelchair and has a severe stutter so I've always gone out of my way to make him feel comfortable talking to me but nothing more than a friendly customer service kind of thing. The other week he gives me his business card and tells me to look him up as he's an author. So I say yeah sure but I'm not into reading so I give a quick search about him and that's it. Then today I'm in another shop getting something to eat when he comes in a says hello how's things etc. I make small talk and stupidly say I think I'm going to buy his book (whyyyyy do I try to be so nice to people :((( ) so anyway I then try and rush off but he tells me to add him on Facebook which again I stupidly do in front of him cus I felt quite cornered and then he says we should go for coffee sometime. I'm all 'yeah yeah sure' thinking wtf!!! I should also mention I'm 17 and this man is easily 40. Wtf do I do??? Honestly thinking of deactivating my Facebook at this point. Help!!!!!

Don't add him. Ignore.

Sorry, I mean delete him/block.

Ok so I've just I sent the Facebook request. Thinking of messaging him just to say apologies but I don't think this is appropriate as I'm not interested in even being friends with a middle aged man and I was just trying to be nice but he is only a customer in my eyes. Why do I do this to myself?

Remove him from FB. If he asks again, say sorry, but you're not allowed to see customers outside of work.

No dint send him anything ffs

Don't feel bad for sending that message. Better to hurt his feelings than for him to start an inappropriate relationship with you.

Ok ok I won't!! I'm sorry I'm so ridiculous guys I just worry about being perceived as rude by literally anyone even if they're way out of line! What exactly do I say if he says me again (which will definitely happen) and he says what happened to the request? I don't want to be easy going as I don't want to drag things out ahhhh

Ah bless you, u remember agreeing to a date out of politeness when I was in my early 20s. Now I look back and wonder what was so hard about saying "no thanks"? Just be polite but firm - saying no is ok! And unfriend him on Facebook too.

He is being horribly inappropriate and hoping that you will feel sorry for him. Stop it now. Block him on Facebook and just be polite when he comes into your workplace. Don't involve yourself anymore with chatting to him beyond what is appropriate to your job. Also be more aware of keeping boundaries with customers in future.

& Block on Facebook & increase your privacy Settings

Delete the FB friend request quickly, before he sees it. Then start being much cooler in the way you deal with him, polite but indifferent. Sadly there are older men who will take advantage of younger women's wish to please/politeness etc.

I think he's been a bit optimistic about the signs you're giving. But you are being too nice. Be kind, but roll back your friendliness.
If he asks again, say no, don't be drawn into explaining or justifying.
'thank you, but I would rather not'

You did it because you are very young and didn't know how to rebuff him without being rude. I was the same once. Don't worry about it, you don't have to have coffee or anything else with him.

And yes, hide or unfriend.

Block. Next time he comes in be polite & professional but cool. If he brings fb up simply say it’s not appropriate and repeat as needed. If he really pushes “it’s just for my friends and family”

He's probably excited at having (so he thinks) found someone who's interested in reading his book! I doubt he's actually thinking 'yeah, OP is going on a date with me'. You've been nice to him, expressed 'serious' interest in his book and now he's probably hoping you're going to listen to him talk about it because he's written something and is terribly chuffed. Plus you've been nice to him and he may think he's made a new friend and friends meet up for coffee.
It does NOT mean he's thinking about trying it on.

I'd just block him seeing anything you post.

And if he wants to meet up say no thank you, it would not be appropriate.

If he pushes further and asks why it wouldn't be appropriate then you reply saying it wouldn't be appropriate to meet up because you don't want to!

I think it's more likely that he is!

Thanks awfully for all your replies everyone, as I said I've gone ahead and deleted the friend request as I only did it cus he was right there, and I'm going to do as you all advise and be more indifferent to him. It's awful when you just think you're being friendly as an employee of the shop but people think you're interested in something else with them be it a friendship or anything else. I've actually unfortunately had another man do the same to me in the past probably just cus I'm very smiley and chatty! It really wrecks the harmony of my work environment for me honestly! It's just a strange thing to ask a young girl/woman to go to coffee with you at that age regardless of intention. I wish I had had the guts just go 'oh no thank you' then and there

Yes, some men do this to women in service industries. Be less friendly, or at least cool it off if you get a weird vibe.

You don't owe them anything except your professional courtesy.

Please remember he is the one who made a normal social situation awkward. You're just reestablishing a boundary.

I suspect every woman who worked in a customer facing role when they were young has had to deal with some variant of this shit. So many of us just aren't equipped to deal with it as we're taught to be nice and friendly and accommodating and then men like this insist on reading something into it that they know deep down isn't there. It's maddening.

Men will try it on with a girl who gives them even unintended encouragement! You just need to practice being a bit more assertive. It's possible to be friendly, but it sounds like you need a few techniques to rebuff these unwanted attentions. Don't ever make yourself feel uncomfortable in order to spare bruising a man's ego a little. They do recover

Just to clarify as well, there's no way in hell even as I was saying yes to it that I would have ever actually gone anywhere with him, had he had the chance to message me is when I would have said absolutely not. I'm just feeling really silly that I even let it get to this! I thought it was very strange when he handed me his business card too as at first I thought oh he must have a new book out and want people to buy it but no! No recent works! And I should have known this was weird when it came after a particular time when I really helped him out with getting his shopping away and had a wee chat but honest to goodness how on earth would that be flirtation or showing interest? It's in my job description! The way quite a few customers have perceived me to fancy them in the past really makes me want to stop being so warm and friendly to everyone :((

Don't feel silly. These are probably lonely people clutching a bit at straws. You don't have to change yourself, especially if your job required you to be helpful and approachable.
Many of us have been in your shoes a decade (or 2 or3) ago. Experience teaches you. I think your instincts were spot on, you felt uncomfortable.

I would just be honest and tell him you’re only 17. Men do this crap to younger women all the time. He probably knows you feel bad for him and uncomfortable.