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Horrible ex h

13 replies

pinkkoala · 14/01/2019 22:56

I am sat in tears again, ex h is vile and was before i left, emotional abuse, verbal abuse, threatening behaviour, arested for harassment and the list goes on.
I have nisci part of divorce, and dd 14 lives with me.
He has new fiancee and spends most of his time with her, he is refusing to buy me out or sell marital home and has only just started paying csa after months of trying due to him not sending correct stuff in and them having to go to employer and hmrc.
Please can someone exp lain or tell me what i need to do to have my share of marital home. And also please tell me what child maintenance is for as he is constantly saying to dd its for whatever she wants not thats its for essential living cists such as clothing, school stuff and shoes etc.
My dd is vile to me and rings her dad everytime i say its not for willy nilly things, he then sides with her and she goes against me.
I should say he is totally different if his new girlfriend is in earshot, she has no idea how he treats me or what happened previously.
She has a dd thats 4 and ex h spends more time with them than his own dd, my dd can't see how he fobs her off and lies his way out of a situation.
I have had to have cbt due to all that has happened over last 4 years and my anxiety levels are still high. I work two nights as a hca so am hardly getting any sleep as can't seem to sleep.
Both of us have new partners and my new man is lovely, completely different to ex h.
Can anyone explain sense and reason as to what i do regarding ex h, house, dd and csa.

OP posts:
Maelstrop · 14/01/2019 23:06

Solicitor, all the way. See if you can force the sale. As for maintenance, it's for keeping a roof over your dd's head. Bills, food, keeping the house warm, washing her clothes, allowing her to have baths and eat. How does she think you pay the bills? With Monopoly money?!

pinkkoala · 14/01/2019 23:18

I used solicitor for divorce, obviously i paid all of it as he refused even though he earn 3-4 times more than me. I can't afford to spend thousands on dragging him through court. I have explained about csa but he just doesn't get it, he has threatened to ring cms and say that i am not using money on her even though it is used for like you say essential living costs. I just feel stuck and don't know where to go or what to do.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 14/01/2019 23:21

Block him on your phone, social media etc. Go grey rock...

Be a stuck record with your DD "maintenance is his contribution for me bringing you up, he's lying"

pinkkoala · 14/01/2019 23:31

I have blocked him from WhatsApp and social media, but have kept phone contact because of dd.
Just a thought but as dd is 14 can i have it legally binding that he has to sell when she is 16 and not 18 as she lives with me anyway, at least that way i can apply for absolute. I just want rid.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 14/01/2019 23:37

Have you not settled your finances in court yet?

pinkkoala · 14/01/2019 23:39

No as thats another point of concern on my part, he has approx 30k of debt in his name only but wants to split it out the equity. I am not agreeing as its not mine and he wouldn't if other way round.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 14/01/2019 23:39

Your DD is 14 she can arrange her own contact with her Dad, I'm sure she sorts out her social life with friends and he doesn't actually see you often anyway?

RandomMess · 14/01/2019 23:42

Well usually selling the house would be part of the financial settlement so you need to self rep and do that...

You need to ask on legal board on what to do. Have you got financial separation completed otherwise he can just tack up more debt and anticipate it being taken into account.

Starlight456 · 14/01/2019 23:44

Don’t discuss cms with him. Leave him to ring them. Tell dd what it is for and you won’t be discussing further.

I would tell him you will only communicate by email.

The other stuff I have no idea about

CosmicCanary · 14/01/2019 23:49

At 14 your DD has a phone so she can call you?
Block him on everything but e-mail and have a cheap pay as you go phone that you only turn on when DD is with him and give him that number.

As for her attitude sometimes children behave that way. Two of my 4 do at times but they play the same game when dad has them.

Sorry i cant advise on the house stuff.

Flowers
pinkkoala · 14/01/2019 23:56

No financial separation is not completed, we had no loans, credit cards together. Only a bank account which is now just in his name, mine was removed a while ago. The other thing in joint names is mortage.
With cms i will let him ring as he tried it before and said he shouldn't have to pay ad my new dp is living with us, he pays cms for his son. But like cms said unless new dp legally adopts my dd his wages or him living here makes no difference to what ex h has to pay.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 15/01/2019 08:10

You can have legal financial separation prior to divorcing I would look into that to protect the equity in the house. There is nothing to stop him taking out loans secured against the property at the moment...

Blobby10 · 15/01/2019 09:33

Please please please don't apply for your Decree Absolute until you have the financial order is place. Your solicitor should advise this too.

Have no experience of cms as (luckily for me) my divorce was amicable and we discussed between us what he would pay for the kids who stayed with me. Our agreement ends when youngest turns 20.

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