Baby Groups on Mat Leave

[jent85]

Just wondering what everyone's opinions and experiences have been of baby groups.

I'm currently on Mat leave with my PFB who's now 3 months old and feel almost like pressure to attend some groups/classes. I need to meet fellow mums and want to socialise baby, etc

There's a class near me at 11am this morning - I was going with a friend but she's had to cancel and I'm literally terrified of going on my own and I know I won't then I'll feel so low. Obviously I seem to have anxiety/confidence issues (bizarre considering my line of work)

Are these classes friendly? Am I likely to meet people? I've got a list of sure start and privately run ones that look great, I've even messaged group leaders of a few who have been reassuring and friendly but I can't bring myself to leave the house and attend them on my own. I'm close to texting my mum and asking her to take PFB so the baby doesn't miss out

Reading this back sounds ridiculous x
Am I being stupid?

I remember being intimidated too despite being a usually confident person. You can so it. You just have to dive in.

In answer to your question about friendliness, it's going to vary from place to place. I found some very friendly. I found some cliquey. You have to go a couple of times to get a feel. If this one is not welcoming, look for another.

Meeting other mums will be good for you and your baby.

When I went to groups, I forced myself to ask people if they wanted to go for coffee after. The friends I made from that told me later that they really appreciated me taking the plunge and getting people together. It was nerve wracking though!

I also swapped numbers, added people of Facebook etc. Eventually, I found people I got on with.

It's bloody hard work making friends as an adult. But it's worth it, I promise.

Do it!
My pfb is 8 months old and I’m still a bit nervous about new groups. Given my line of work I really shouldn’t be either.

Some groups will be great, others less so but they all get you out and about.

It may look like the other mums all know each other but say hi anyway. We are all I. The same boat. All like to talk about sleep, poo etc.

Now that I’ve been at some groups for a while I make a real effort to spot and include new mums. A few did it for me when I started and it made a real difference. You will find some groups you like.

Be brave and say hi, if possible announce you are staying for a coffee or similar and invite others to join you. Some will jump at the chance.

Above all, get out there but also relish cuddles at home. Dd is too busy learning to crawl to cuddle all day now!

Baby steps.

You don't have to make a new best friend today or even talk to anyone. If you pitch up at these things, after a few weeks you'll settle in. People say the first time is the hardest. Personally I find week 2 the worst but it gets easier after that. And it's like anything, you'll click with some more than others. It's fine to decide one is not for you. But there will be some out there that are, probably.

It's not essential, especially while your baby is still so little, but I think it was great for my mental health to have a reason to get out of the house every day. A class or group is THE least effort way to do this. You only have to turn up. You don't have to be chatty or interesting or give your phone number to anyone, you just pitch up and it helps break up the day.

I think it's easier to go alone To go alone To these groups, it stops you relying on your friend or conversely have keep check g in with them if you get into talking with other mums. You'll always have something to talk about with babies involved!!

I would ask your mum as it is more for you than baby really. You kind of have baby to play with if you feel awkward. I would say give it a go, you will probably enjoy it!

The thing is if you stay indoors all day you tend t get lonely and depressed. Imo anyway. And fresh air helps with baby’s sleep.

Also if you went with your friend you may end up only speaking to her. It’s normally easy to make polite conversation eg about the babies, maternity leave and so on.

Good luck!

Should say wouldn’t ask your mum!

I bloody hated groups! Found them quite stressful going to alone, like you do.

The best thing I ever did was sign up to Peanut and Mush - met with different mums one on one, and got to chat through the app first. Took loads of pressure off and I got to meet some great mum friends.

Give it a go. I hate going new places and going into social situations where I don't know anyone, but I started going to a few different classes at around the three month mark and they became complete lifelines.

People talk about making friends for life, I hardly even swapped phone numbers. But the hour of friendly small talk (usually my least favourite thing) with other adults and activities to occupy the baby, as well as some structure to the day, really became a lifeline for me. Not to mention realising others were going through the same things with their babies.

Everyone's in the same boat and there will always be someone who makes an effort with newbies, or another new person who doesn't have a friend there. Most people turn up alone IME, as most won't have a friend on maternity leave in the same area.

If you don't like it, you don't have to go back. But I'm so glad I made myself go to that first class.

Ohhh. OP - have you got any baby exercise classes like one fit mama near you? I always found they were easier as there's a quite intense activity (exercise for you, may/chair for baby) so it took the pressure off forcing conversation. Gives you something to talk about too, like moaning about how much you ache after doing 10000 squats

I was terrified at first and that kind of thing is so far out of my comfort zone. But I did it,and have now been to loads with both children. Some have been ok, some have been brilliant, none have been awful. I found friendly people to chat to at most groups, and have met some of my best friends now at others. It really will be worth it.

I always likened this phase to early dating! It is something that will be good, but is kind of terrifying and sometimes it isn't a great fit.

Take some deep breaths and go, smile, talk to people and be honest. The honest conversations are where the true friends come from! I remember sitting in a baby group and saying 'I forgot to put any pants on!' It suddenly occurred to me as we went to sit in a circle and sing. Three other mums laughed with me and immediately told me tales of silliness.

Another mum referred to it as 'friends ship dating!'

Just walk in, in most groups at least one or two people will turn or smile. Go and approach them (this is the hardest bit). Say hi and ask about their babies, from there it should flow ok.

It is hard, but so worth it. We are right behind you.

Thankyou everyone for your replies. I know I'm being so silly - if it was a job interview or something, I'd be fine! Crazy isn't it.

Sad to say I didn't go to the class (which incidentally would have finished in 2 minutes and I'd be feeling v proud of myself instead of feeling glum). Certainly think I'm in danger of locking myself away and sitting in the house with the little one day after day feeling worse and worse....just feel like I'm letting her down.

There's a group tomorrow at 1pm so 100% I'm going to suck it up and go, even if it's just for 15 minutes. What's the worst that can happen?!?!

Thankyou all again 😘 feeling very pathetic and sad for myself 😂😂

Maybe next time.

Your baby's still very little but I found morning groups easier to stick with. 1pm is naptime for a lot of children.

Did you make it op? You should definitely go out every day even if it’s a walk round the block! The exercise and fresh air is so helpful.