I'm one of these people who struggle to live in the moment and be happy with it. I'm always working for the next step, the next best thing. Like I'll be happy once I've done this, once I've reached this milestone and I never am because the next thing is the thing that is going to make me happy.
I have a diagnosis of ASD, SPD, OCD, Anxiety and learning difficulties. Like many people my childhood is littered with trauma and problems, I was molested by my BIL's brother who was later jailed for sexually abuse of minors and possessing child pornography, but no one in my family know what he did to me, but other than that and the difficulties that come with my diagnosis and the death of my father I had an overall happy childhood. There are issues with my mother regarding neglect afterwards as a result of her own mental load and not being able to cope but I've done what I can to move past them because I know how much she does love me and I adore her and my family despite their problems. I have also posted on stately homes and got some great advice.
What I am struggling with NOW is that I seem to be waiting for everything to fall into place. I'm a first year uni student at 24, I have no savings and I'm worried about the future. I seem to be stuck and unable to work consistently on anything because I'm so apathetic about it all. I want to do well and get a decent grad scheme placement but I just can't motivate myself. I'm either up all night and sleep all day or I sleep all day and all night and don't socialise. My diet is all to hell, my weight is up and down (always overweight but it fluctuates a couple of stone every couple of months).
I feel like this is a combination of having too much unstructured free time. I think I would benefit from getting a job or voluntary placement, I need to sort my budget and start saving and allocate some money for driving lessons. I want to make some friends and go out and enjoy myself and I just don't know how. I feel like I'm trying to rush through uni so I'm at a place where I'm on a good grad scheme or rush to where I'm dating someone and planning to start a family because I want to have a family, I want to be in a place where I'm living on my own and able to have a dog and children or adopt or foster, and I'm not at that place yet and I'm not happy, but I know that I wont even be happy then because I'll be waiting for the next thing that will make me happy like losing weight and I just don't know what to do.