What are your experiences of raising a grievance with a colleague?

[RHOF]

After a lot of thought and the straw that finally broke the camels back, I am going to formally raise a grievance against a colleague for bullying and harassment. I'm shitting myself.

What are your experiences of this? How did you cope? It's incredible anxiety provoking.

Hi RHOF, sounds like you have been doing your best to avoid this but if you are at this point you should stick to your guns. Some important things which really help in this situation are: Write things down. If it is a lot of little things the number of things logged often help other people understand the extent of the problem. Also, if you have got to the point where it is stressful or creating an emotional response then it's really worth taking someone with you when you talk to HR. They can help get your point across. Good luck. This isn't unusual, I'm in the situation at the moment and as soon as I raised the complaint I was told I wasn't the only person who was. You are probably not alone.

Thank you so much. I can't bloody sleep thinking about it. So scared I won't be believed or that they will lie about me in response.

I've got experience of both raising a grievance of my own, and supporting others in raising grievances (I'm a union rep).

Firstly, it can be a stressful and lonely experience, and there may be times when you wonder if it's worth it for all the stress it's causing. What I did was right at the beginning of the process, I wrote down all the reasons why I was making the complaint in the first place, and how I felt at that moment in time, so that in a low moment, I could look back at it and draw strength to continue. I was certain that I wouldn't win my grievance (discrimination against me because of trade union activity) but it was important to me to take a stand.

When I've supported members, I have given them the advice hanbanbea laid out above - contemporaneous notes are important. If you have witnesses, get them to write statements and give them to you so that if they are not called as part of any investigation, you can submit them as part of your evidence. Think about what you want as an outcome - the structure of a grievance should start with the complaint itself, followed by an outline of your reasons and evidence, the impact the situation has had on you, a timeline of events, list of witnesses, then finish with your desired outcome.

Good luck - stay strong and draw support from those around you

Be careful op, i did it with a colleague and tried to keep it private, i thought she was being a bitch and it backfired as she responded to the email forwarding in my line manager and another member of staff above me creating a big drama over it. My line manager is a cold fish who never liked me so i wasn't getting her back up. Just be very careful, some members of staff are more protected and have better contacts etc so even if they are in the wrong they can still push you down easier. I had 2 similar incidents with managers who i found fault with-raised issues and got shot down fast. It's a political jungle remember and it's often not fair. These days, i generally just try to ignore colleagues being twats as to raise it causes more bother than it is worth.

Very nervous I'll lose my job at the end of this.