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Original poster

Giving up work after marriage in the 50s

35 replies

BooBooDooDoo12 · 12/01/2019 17:58

Or whenever really. Does anyone know anyone who did this to stay home and look after house and children when they got married?

I'm watching a series right now where a character has done this and is really struggling with her identity not being a working woman. My grandmother continued working so I've never heard other people's experiences of it?

Does anyone have any stories if the person loved it or struggled to cope giving up work? I'm just genuinely curious. And I don't mean to be a SAHM as i'm on about when a woman didn't have a choice but to stop working.

OP posts:

MrsTerryPratcett · 12/01/2019 18:08

My MIL gave her job up in the very early 1970s, had two kids in very quick succession and never worked again. She absolutely loved it. FIL 'advised' DH that I should do the same. Yeah, no.

My DM worked and would have been an atrocious SAHM.

ImFreeToDoWhatIWant · 12/01/2019 18:19

My husband's grandmother used to work in an administrative capacity for her local police station when she got married in the late 30's. It was made very clear to her that they did not expect her back after the weekend honeymoon. The collection they took up for her was very generous though considering the times.

buggerthebotox · 12/01/2019 18:24

My mother had to give up her library job when she got married.

She went to work somewhere else until she had me.

She went back to library work eventually.

This was mid fifties.

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Marriage & partnerships

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 12/01/2019 18:26

Yes my mil too. She had to stop work when she got married.

leghairdontcare · 12/01/2019 18:32

My great aunty worked in a chemical plant during the war and then married in 1947. She had to have a letter from her husband to say she could keep working.

It was surprisingly common. I think it was 1970 when married women were allowed to work at Lloyds.

SalrycLuxx · 12/01/2019 18:35

My grandmother had to - it was compulsory where she worked. She was given a sofa as compensation/wedding gift.

And to get anything else she would have had to retrain, which wasn’t going to work. No need as grandfather could support them both - so she never went back.

Birdsgottafly · 12/01/2019 18:41

There were a lot of bitter/frustrated and ground down Women about.

If they got to out of line, DV was legal and doctors were happy to section or medicate.

In the area that I lived it was usual to give up work, until the late 60's, when employers realised Women were the cheaper option.

BadHairDyeDay · 12/01/2019 18:42

My DM trained as a nurse and worked for about a year before marrying in 1963. She then had to give up her job immediately (had no choice but probs expected to anyway). She never worked as a nurse again 🙁. Seems such a waste

BadHairDyeDay · 12/01/2019 18:42

But she was and is a brilliant mum

MaFleur · 12/01/2019 18:44

DM worked for Boots the chemist before marriage as a pharmacy dispenser. I found a letter in the loft from just before she and DF got married in the early sixties, congratulating her on her forthcoming marriage and saying "we do not employ married women, thank you for your work, and we wish you well for the future" (I paraphrase because DSis burnt the letter!).

DrCoconut · 12/01/2019 18:50

My grandma had to stop working at Woolworths when she got married. It was the 1940's. Probably unhelpful as she had got the job on the advice of her doctor to help with depression. Her parents didn't really want her to work as they thought it reflected badly on their ability to provide for her until marriage, which they viewed as a hallmark of respectability. Then she couldn't work due to being married. I feel sorry for her as she got a lot from the social interaction and having her own life aspect even though she didn't "need" to work.

WitsEnding · 12/01/2019 18:52

DM had to leave her job when she got married, but found another and worked until her first child was born. Since then she's worked maybe 18 months part time when DF was having a particularly hard time finding work.

All DSis and DSil are working but she still has a hard time accepting that her pensions are small because they are solely based on DFs small earnings.

OhDearGodLookAtThisMess · 12/01/2019 18:54

My grandmother married in the very late 1920s and had to give up her job as a telephoning.
But my mother, who married in 1956, was a teacher and continued until she had my brother in 1959. She was a
SAHM until I was around 4, (and was on anti-depressants at one point), when she was asked to teach at our local school. It was the term before I was meant to start Reception, so she said she couldn't, but they said I could start a term early. She leapt at the chance. This would have been 1967.

RomanyRoots · 12/01/2019 18:56

I left work after first child, not 50's though it was 90's.
My place was at home with the children I'd produced as it was where I wanted to be. I couldn't see the point in paying someone else to do it when I could raise them for free.
No problem with identity, but I'd never consider a job as defining me as a person, anyway.

Belishaa · 12/01/2019 18:57

DGM was a mathematician in the War Office - apparently the only woman there in the early 50s.

She had to give up when she got married, but instead became a councillor/ school governor/ meals on wheels organiser/ general stalwart of the community.

She was clearly very talented and ambitious, so had to direct her energy elsewhere.

StatisticallyChallenged · 12/01/2019 18:59

My MIL very proudly told me that she worked up until the day before her wedding; she didn't work again after, and had her first child 4 or 5 years later. This would be mid 70s

Prokupatuscrakedatus · 12/01/2019 19:09

My DMil and her 3 sisters: three got married and stopped working, but had the traditional set up. The DH worked and handed over their complete earnings to their wives to be allocated 'spends'.
Mark of a good man: work and hand over the money
Mark of a good woman: take the money, give decent spends and ensure the well being of the family incl. savings
DMil had a DC, remained unmarried and continued working.

A generation later my DM had to stay home and got allocated housekeeping money.

JHaniver · 12/01/2019 19:16

I used to know a woman who had given up work when getting married, and had built up a good social life and enjoyed it, until her husband retired. They couldn’t get used to spending so much time together so she started volunteering for a charity twice a week and was still doing it well into her 80s.

SheepyFun · 12/01/2019 19:18

My grandmother lost her job with the civil service when she married at 21. I don't think she ever worked (in a paid capacity) again. She didn't seem unhappy, but by the time I knew her, her children were adults, so she wasn't trapped at home so much. She did have various voluntary roles over the years, and (fortunately) a happy marriage.

Musicalmistress · 12/01/2019 19:44

I was born in late 70s, mum worked for a very large financial institution & was expected to give up her job when starting maternity, no questions or discussion. She didn’t go back into work until I went to high school but has more than made up for those missed years by rising to the top of her field.

RomanyRoots · 12/01/2019 19:51

My parents adopted 3 of us in the 60's, Mum was expected to give up work. well, basically told she had to.
I think things may have changed and it may be decided on an individual basis now.

amusedbush · 12/01/2019 19:57

Neither of my grannies (born in the early 30s) gave up work after marriage. One married young and worked part time in a factory. The other was a nurse who married in her 30s and carried on with her career.

ErrolTheDragon · 12/01/2019 19:59

DM was a teacher, she stopped working when she married - I'm not sure if it was mandatory or a choice. She then had my 2 DBS and me over the course of the next 9 years. When was about to turn 5, there was a shortage of teachers so the local school begged her to teach again ASAP - with the result I was allowed to start school a few months early to facilitate this. She had a break when her parents needed care, but had a good second stint. It made a significant improvement to household finances and I think she enjoyed it. Many of her colleagues had children a similar age to me.

ErrolTheDragon · 12/01/2019 20:01

My parents adopted 3 of us in the 60's, Mum was expected to give up work. well, basically told she had to. I think things may have changed and it may be decided on an individual basis now.*

I thought the norm now for adopters was something more or less equivalent to parental leave that other new parents get?

treaclesoda · 12/01/2019 20:03

My parents married in the 50s and my dad wanted my mum to stop working because that was what everyone else did. She refused. But she said that he felt hurt by it, because he felt that other people judged him for either 1)allowing his wife to work or 2) being unable to support her.

He wouldn't have cared too much about the former because he didn't see my mum as his property but he was hurt by the latter as he felt it made him look lazy.

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