DH snoring HELP

[greatBritishBogOff]

I've been awake since 2am due to a particularly loud burst of snores. I've given up and am now downstairs crying. I'm just getting over an awful virus and I feel dreadful. The day will start in an hour when toddler dd gets up. I actually hate him. I've decided I'm not spending another night in the same bed as him, I'd rather our marriage fails than to continue to live like this. Today I'm putting a mattress in DS1's room and sleeping on that from now on.

I already wear ear plugs. His snoring is ridiculously loud. He's seeing a specialist about it but theres not much that can be done, and anyway, I'm so sensitive to it now, i think we're screwed anyway.

So do you hate him for any other than the fact he has a medical issue which he’s seeing a specialist for? I feel bad for you, snoring is horrid, but it’s hardly his fault and yet you now hate him?

No I don't hate him. I'm just so exhausted and distraught.

Due to his lack of proper breathing and sleep he’s probably exhausted too. He needs medical help which is why he’s seeing a specialist. It’s not his fault as much as it’s not yours. Has he tried nasal dilators or in the extreme turbinate surgery if these are enlarged? Keep speaking to medical professions and be honest about the effect. Just don’t guilt trip him for something not in his control, it’s cruel

Yes I know. I don't try to wake or move him anymore as I know he needs to sleep and there's little point us both being exhausted. I just needed to vent I think. Deciding not to share a room anymore has helped, just knowing I don't have to live like this relentlessly.

I'm with you OP. I've slept in a different room to DH for years and even through closed doors I can hear him snoring.
It is partly my DHs fault though because the more weight he gains, the worse his snoring is and he has half heartedly attempted solutions put forward by the dr. As for him being exhausted, my DH isn't. He is perfectly well rested after a lovely nights sleep, whereas I would be as sleep deprived as when looking after a newborn so though I know its not the same as my situation for everyone, its definitely not as straightforward as 'poor DH, dont be mean' for everyone either.
What helped initially for us was that I recorded DH snoring, he had no idea that it was so bad and took the recording to the drs.
I know when my dh has fallen asleep downstairs as you can hear the snores I honestly dont think people understand how loud it can be.
You have my sympathies OP and of course if your husband is suffering too he has my sympathies as well.
I dont really care if people judge me but there were times when I was pregnant and exhausted in the middle of the night stood by the bed watching DH snore and I did feel hatred in that sleep deprived moment.
Before we moved to seperate rooms I would stay in bed until DH was asleep, then move to my dcs room and first thing in the morning would get back in bed with DH. He's actually such a deep sleeper he had no idea I was leaving the bed at all so was happy with that solution, if you're worried about it changing the relationship maybe try that?
We're also in separate rooms because I have the little ones (dc3 and dc4) with my, DH doesnt cope well with being woken through the night, so it works for us at the moment.
Hope you get some sleep x

Thank you, so sorry you've been through it too. He isn't exhausted routinely, just if I repeatedly wake him in the night! His is definitely partly weight related too. He literally snores the whole time he's asleep. If he's not snoring, I know he's wide awake, he'll even snore just before he falls asleep/when he's dozing.

We're going on holiday next month, I dread holidays as we have less flexibility for sleeping arrangements. I think I'm particularly desperate at the moment as I'm trying to get over this virus.

And of course I don't hate him, but like you say, there are times when I'm wide awake watching the time tick by and I feel like I do!

I used to sleep on the lounge floor through desperation for some decent sleep.
Holidays had to be a hotel with a separate room that I could sleep in.
It was hell never getting any rest.
Now divorced!

It's torture isn't it. My DP used to snore so loud I could hear him downstairs sometimes. At times I was so sleep deprived I seriously considered ending the relationship.

Yes, he can't help it, but that doesn't help you sleep at 3am does it!

Things that have worked for us are:
He stopped smoking last year which has made a huge difference.
Visited GP who advised losing weight - he's trying
I use heavy duty wax ear plugs (although I know can't sleep without them and have very dry ears)
Some strips from Boots that go in the roof of mouth.

I empathise with you, it's awful and can be so draining.

God it’s torture isn’t it. My DH only snores when he’s overweight or has been drinking. Both totally within his control in my view. I don’t hate him but I hate the “it’s not my fault, I can’t help it” line.