I think i need a hand hold. Hidden Depression

[IShitGlitter]

I have felt like shit inside for a long time am sick of it even typing this out makes me feel like a failure. I cant even admit it to myself. I just dont know how to handle it anymore.

I have never heard of Hidden Depression before. Sounds like you are having a tough time. Maybe time for a visit to the GP.

Is it situational depression do you think?

That list has really helped me look at a friend's behaviour differently.

Have you ever heard of metta Buddhist meditation? Or loving kindness meditation?
In a nutshell you practice meditating picturing someone you love, then yourself and then someone who has wronged you.

People generally struggle to send love and kindness to an enemy but for some people directing love towards themselves can be profoundly difficult.

Most of that list, and certainly the foundations of my own depression, are about self-loathing. Learning to be kind and gentle with myself, to be compassionate and kind to myself is my challenge.

Metta isnt a quick fix but it’s a good tool. If you can find a counselor that you trust that might help too.,

its definitely not situational Ive got a lovely life on paper. Two lovely DC a wonderful husband were not flush with money but we have enough to get by with little left for holidays ect... Theres no reason at all for me to feel like this I just do.

I told my husband a few weeks ago that Ive felt not right for a while he was supportive hes big on exercise so was helping me exercise ect but its just not my thing. He then asked a few days ago if am ok. Then my mask went on just told him I was feeling a little PMT when i told him and was tired and theres nothing wrong with me

I dont want to go the docters i feel they might put me on AD which i might well need but it feels like thr ultimate failure and that am not coping am obviously fucking not
I sick of being so irritable all the time.

I haven't looked at meditation but will give that a go thanks.