I don't know how to go on like this much longer

[namechangedyetagain]

D little brother died in August.
I can't get over it..I can't believe it's actually happened. It was so sudden and unexpected. I can't believe he's gone. Forever. Not just away with work or on holiday. But actually I won't ever see him or hug him again. How can that even be? We should have lived into our 90s going to the pub once a week and playing dominoes.

I feel so sad. I held it together through the funeral arrangements. Helped my mum and sil. Organized Xmas for the family. And now I can't stop crying......

I keep it together during the week at work (Just ) but come the weekend I'm a mess. My children miss him. I miss him. I feel cheated and angry.

Where do I go from here? I can't spend the next 50 years feeling so desperate surely?

I just want someone to take the pain away from me

Sorry for your loss, have you had any bereavement counselling?

No I haven't as yet. Cruse said they wouldn't really do anything until 6 months down the line if I wasn't over it by then.

I'm not. I never will be.

I struggle to understand how it will help? Do you think it will?

As someone who lost a partner I can honestly say counselling did help, and antidepressants, but mostly time. It won't make things magically better or make you forget, but it will help you work through what you're feeling and I found it good to keep talking about him, when all my friends had heard enough. So sorry you're going through this

I know it seems as if things will never be 'good' again but you will find your new normal. It will take time however and that varies from person to person.

How are your Mum & SIL coping?

I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my DB unexpectedly a few years ago so can empathise.

The loss of a sibling is odd. It's such an intimate relationship in so many ways - I had never been in this world without him until he passed away. For many, they see a side of you no one else has and shared a history in a way you don't even with a parent. Yet often the loss and impact is overlooked.

I can tell you that it does ease. Like all grief it matures and the rawness fades. But I miss my DB every day.

Is there anyone you can talk to? Best mate or partner? Don't bottle up your pain and look after yourself.

Yes! That's it! People are focussed (rightly so) on my mum and sil who are also not coping but no one ever considers me.

I've known him as long as his life. Shared stuff with him no one else would ever know about. Had the whole of my childhood, teenage years and early adulthood with him. And beyond as we lived so close together. There is no support for siblings, yet our relationship is still valid.

We are all struggling and find it tricky to talk as we all upset each other. It's painful. It's hurting. We're all on gin anti depressants and sleeping tablets. I never imagined it would be this way. It's truly horrific.