What's it like to have a big gap between dc1 and dc2?

[yayagabir]

TTC now and if works will have 7 years between dc1 and dc2. Worried how dc1 will react after being only for so
long and how they will bond with age difference and how we will deal with kids at completely different stages throughout our life. No family nearby to help

How did it work out for you? Looking for insight thanks

The odds are all will be just fine. We have 5 years and 3 months between our 2 girls. Not intended just dc2 took a lot of time and tears to conceive. They get on just fine now that the younger one is 14 months and can interact or play a bit. Sometimes we have to make adaptations and take one each but the gap closes as they get older. Your family will adapt and get on with it and it's no different from bigger families where there are older and younger children to be accommodated.

And ps I am one of six and the one we all get on the best with is my younger brother who arrived 5-11 years after all the rest of us. Your older child will remember the joy of their sibling arriving and be there to see their early milestones etc.

There’s nearly 8 years between my eldest niece and younger twin nieces. She really adjusted very well, she always had all of our attention and interaction, obviously that changed when the younger girls arrived. She has had her moments which is understandable, nothing tantrum like just a little more sensitive. I would say not to expect a huge Amount of interaction, my niece always wanted a sibling and said she would do x,y and z and although she will interact and play she is happy to do her own thing as she does say they get on her nerves 😂

Obviously every child is different, and will react in their own way. I still make sure to have time just with her as does her Nan ( my mother) which I think helps as she has her own time for her.

Have you asked your child how they would feel?

I had 3 under 3 and then another 9 years later, it was brilliant the older ones wanted to help out loads with her so that was a bonus

We have nearly 6 years between our two DCs and it is fine so far (eldest is almost 7yo). He adapted well and I get lots of time with baby while eldest is at school. We also have no family to help and I’m conscious that we will spend lots of weekends apart at different activities but that could equally be true of two siblings close in age (different interests).

Works really well for us (9 years gap). By the time the dc2 arrived the eldest did not need much help with routine tasks, homework, etc., so day to day life was much easier than having a newborn and preschooler. There was a few months of adjustment for the eldest, but we did make sure that the baby did not affect any activities of the eldest, so no missed parties, clubs, etc, playdays and sleepovers as before.
The youngest is at school now and the eldest is fully independent getting to and from school, so only one school run and afterschool arrangement to deal with. The eldest can babysit the youngest for an hour or two if needed.
The youngest adores the eldest, but treats her more as other adult in the family rather than the child. The eldest is very protective, cares for and loves the little one (even if not always ready to admit it to others). We have no family around too so having to deal with childcare just for one at a time is a huge help.
Holidays, etc seem to work well so far, but we love travelling and the youngest just slotted in to whatever we were doing already. A little adjustment needed but not that drastically compared to what I initially expected.
But because they are at such different stages, it is more like having two only children rather than "children" in the family. So I would say not to worry, it can and will work out ok.

Don't over think it. It's a totally average age gap when someone has 3 or more children anyway so isn't that unusual. There is 6 years between my first and second, it worked great for the baby stage because oldest was able to get themselves dressed, toileted, brush teeth, even could start running their own bath. Young enough to be playful with their sibling, read to them etc. 5 years on my 11 year old still plays with her younger sibling, they put on shows, play with a dolls house and Playmobil etc. I had another baby when oldest was 9, and youngest and oldest adore each other, but the relationship is totally different with the bigger gap. Nothing in a bad way though.

We have 8y 3m gap. DC are 14 and 5. I would have chosen a slightly smaller gap but it wasn’t to be and it’s actually worked out amazingly.

I have a Sister 9.5y older and one 18m younger and I’m as close to both.

Mine are 6 years apart.

I think our eldest (DS) felt fully secure at age 6 about how loved he was so when DD came along he didn't feel pushed out or felt the need to demand our attention in the same way that perhaps a toddler would have. He just took on the role of big brother as his new position in the family.

They are now 20 and 14 and they do and always have adored each other. They have a fantastic relationship of which I am, if I'm honest, quite jeleous as I didn't have the kind of close relationship they have with my only DB whilst growing up (3 years between me and DB).

The biggest issues have (as previous posters have said) been the difference in interests. A 9 year old and a 3 year old will of course want different things so in many ways my DH and I ended up doing things individually with them. Holidays became tricky so we spent a good few years going to Florida as it seemed to accommodate almost any age.

I really appreciated that I'd had so much time with my 1st born then felt I could give the same, pretty much, to my next child as my eldest was at school all day.

So, in summary, it worked for us. Don't worry, I'm sure it will work out great.

5 years. It’s been great. One in school while the other is home. No jealousy. Older one was self sufficient. And just the best big brother ever. And thoroughly enjoys the full on hero worship of his baby brother. And they can play together. They play some imaginary games sometimes (7 and 2) and then they do painting and play doh. And we do have to do some 1:1 because of the age gap. But the positives have far outweighed any negatives.

I have a small gap (18 months) between DC1&2 then 4.5 year gap between 2&3. I honestly think the smaller the gap the better, yes it’s hard when they’re little but they are like friends now they’re older. Whereas with the larger gap it’s hard to find common ground ie films or games. So I find my older two pair up then the younger one has no one to play with, but maybe if there is just the two it’ll be easier.

We've got a 6.5yr gap. The baby years were really easy and ds1 loved helping with ds2 plus was much easier to manage than a baby and toddler.

Since then it's been up and down but a lot of conflict is down to them being very different personalities so I think they'd have clashed even with a smaller gap.

I can actually see the gap starting to reduce already now that ds1 is 12 and ds2 is 5 - they play together more and share some interests.

They do adore each other, and although I can't rely on them to be company for each other in the way that you might hope if the gap was the traditional 2 yrs, it's still good.