Should I go to this funeral?

[FairfaxAikman]

I've been NC with my mother and her family on and off for the past 25 years.
Her DM has recently died and family are trying to persuade me to go to the funeral as "it's the right thing to do".

I think it would be awkward. Last time I saw this woman was when I took Christmas presents over and was accused of "sniffing around to see what I could get" ( I'm the least materialistic person ever) and had the door slammed in my face.

DF thinks the rest of the family would respect me for it.

Should I stick to my guns or be the "good girl" as usual on the basis of doing the right thing?

Is your DF going? You could go with him to the service if he is. If the thought makes you really uncomfortable send flowers and a card.

I wouldn’t be begging for the day off work to attend, but if I was able to I would.
I wouldn’t want to give them anymore ammunition to throw either by claiming I was petty and disrespectful by not attending.

But then if someone accused me of attending to see what I was getting in the will... 🤔
Yes I’d probably go.

I wouldn’t go. Do you care what other people think? You are NC for a reason. You have nothing to gain by going apart from upset and drama.

I don't have any contact with my dad's family and haven't now for nearly 6 years. It was my choice and it's been a much more peaceful life without them.

My sister has asked before if I would go to my grandmother or aunts funerals when the time comes and my honest answer was no.

We're not in contact and it's a relationship loss that I've already grieved over and moved on from. I also think by going, it would allow that area of my life back in and frankly, I don't ever want that to happen.

I think I would go and sneak in at the back, then leave straight way after without speaking to anyone. We are NC with in-laws but there are some in the family whose funerals we would still attend despite the fact the immediate in-laws would be there and I think that's how I'd handle it. Hopefully everyone would have enough decorum to just ignore each other iyswim.

I think you are damned if you and damned if you don't so be led by what feels right for you.

OP should be 15 years, not 25.

DF is going. I'm on Mat leave and would mean leaving DC for the day, as that side of my family has never met them and never will.

Go if you want too.
But if you really don't want to the that is fine.

I personally wouldn't. Didn't go to my GM's funeral as was nc for 6 yrs - I remembered the times when she wasn't a toxic spiteful human in my own private space.

You must do what is right for you OP, no one else.

I would go if you are going for yourself and for your memories of your GM but from what you have put in your OP, it’s very understandable if you don’t wish to go.

I wouldn’t go