So fed up.

[WhoTookTheChristmasCookie]

I'm fed up of being in pain, I can't remember the last time I was pain free in all honesty.

My lower back is constantly in agony, I can feel the bones in my hip grinding with every movement (plus the discs in my spine doing the same thing.)
I'm fed up of not being able to get out of bed without pain.

Everything is stiff when I first wake up. No amount of TENS, stretching, hot water bottles, heat gels, cold packs or hot baths help anymore.
Plus I'm exhausted due to not falling asleep until the early hours (can't find a comfortable sleeping position without pain, I'm sure I 'pass out' instead of falling asleep.)
I 'pace' as much as I can, use hypnosis, breathing, meditation, mental 'analgesia'.
I've also started treatment with a private osteo and physio due to getting no where fast with the NHS.

My GP prescribes Co-Codamol, Oxycodone IR, Naproxen and Gabapentin - although very reluctant with the first two (only giving 2 weeks worth at a time - meaning that I'm having to justify taking every tablet when I ask for a further prescription just before the two weeks is up.)
I'm just fucked off with it all.

I have 2 NHS appointments scheduled. One for a ESP at the end of this month and one for the pain clinic in MAY. I had to laugh at that one; it was either that or cry.
Spoke to the hospital and mentioned cancellations but I've heard nothing.

I can't live like this anymore. I have a 3 year old and I feel incredibly guilty that I can't just wrap up and take her to the park or soft play.
I struggle just to get out of bed and entertain her around the house (as well as housework, cooking, day to day admin.)

My named GP says I'm too young to consider surgery due to the fact that any prosthetics would need replacing once/possibly twice in my lifetime.
He's absolutely amazing, he listens to me, never brushes me off and is willing to help me as much as he possibly can - but due to all the red tape there's only so much he can do. He is genuinely sympathetic also, I'm very lucky to have him as my GP, but I think it makes it worse that we've tried everything and I'm still in this much agony.

I just want to go to bed and fall asleep, wake up and feel normal
I used to love every aspect of life (especially being a mum) but I'm broken. I feel like I'm letting my DD down and it breaks my heart, she deserves more than this shell of a mother.

Absolute pity party for me today

I don't blame you for you pity party, OP. That sounds so hard. I really hope you find the magic something soon.

Very quickly as I’m in a rush, please google Thor Cold Laser Therapy

Message me if you want further info (no I’m not a rep and I don’t work for them)

It's utterly relentless.

I took my medication this morning, took DD out for a few hours and now my back is in bits.
I can feel parts of me crumbling away. It's a horrible, horrible feeling.
Thank you for listening to me whinge though 

@Ilove I've googled. That seems like a good idea and I'm willing to try anything now if I'm honest.
Have you had some treatment?

I have, and it has totally revolutionised my life to the point I’ve bought my own laser now.

I was on SO much medication for nerve damage and pain, and now, well, I’m not.

Where in the country are you? Treatment isn’t cheap, unfortunately, and while it isn’t yet fully on the NHS in some hospitals they do have it available.

Please don’t get annoyed by my response! I really know how you feel regarding pain, honestly I do! A friend of mine was on disability for years because he couldn’t barely move, he lost an incredible amount of weight due to not sleeping and feeling sick with the back pain. He joined a 1:1 gym about 12 months ago that do strength training, they were very conscious of his abilities and where to train in order to not cause more damage. Anyway, he is a 100% different person, he still gets twinges but building the muscle around has helped support his back.
I know it seems impossible and not an ideal solution but it does work (I joined for a bad knee and has done we the world of good)

@Ilove I'm in the SE. My hospital isn't really one for state of the art treatment to be honest so I'm not hopeful that they would offer the laser.
I'm willing to pay though, I'm honestly willing to try anything. This pain is ruining me.

@Nodrama999 Not at all! I completely agree with you that exercises can help. I do have a PT who I see twice a week. He specialises in disability and chronic pain and is excellent; but even he can see my decline. I was doing so well (have always enjoyed the gym) and now I can't so much as lift a weight without severely paying for it a few hours later. It's so frustrating. I miss my life

I’m so sorry, I’m even more sorry that you feel for your child as much (if not more) than yourself. I hope that you get something sorted ☹️

I’ll see if theres a list of people in your area - I used to travel an hour each way for an hours treatment, sometimes daily or every other day in the beginning.

In the end my husband said it was cheaper to buy my own!