Sorry, this might be long, need to get it off my chest plus ask your sage advice knowing the whole picture.
My dp and I made friends (via the children) with this really nice, interesting couple a few years ago. All 4 of us hit it off immediately and as we lived close to each other started doing a lot of stuff together. Dinners, family days out etc. Not always all adults, but always with the children.
Long story short at some point the guy suggested going for a coffee near our houses, just the two of us. I didn't think anything of it. My dp commutes and I work from home, so it seemed just a daytime coffee break kind of thing.
You know what's coming: he made a pretty explicit pass at me. Apparently he'd mistaken our lively conversations for interest beyond friendship. I was completely shocked and asked why he thought I'd betray my friend (his dp), let alone my husband. He suggested he and his dp had an "open" relationship, which did not seem very like her, from what I had seen.
Anyway. I told him I'd like to pretend this had never happened. Obviously I debated telling my friend, but decided against in the end
- I didn't know whether he was telling the truth and it really was no big deal to her (though I thought it unlikely) and 2. I didn't want to be responsible for causing trouble in their relationship, especially as they had a young child.
I did tell my husband, who was furious, and we reduced contact with the friends. We were all away a lot over the summer and just didn't pick up the thread when we got back (neither did the guy, for obvious reasons), so the friendship got a bit distant. I was very sorry to lose what could have become a really close friendship with her, bc we are on the same wavelength in lots of things.
Two years down the line he has moved abroad for work, last I knew the family would join him. Our kids being in the same school she and I made contact again and went for coffee. Turns out she discovered multiple affairs once he had moved, including and old (ongoing) flame in the country he's moved to. Lots of lying, horrible story, breakup.
I wasn't surprised they'd separated, but was again totally shocked at the extent of the betrayal.
So, to my dilemma.
I was too stunned to take the opportunity to come clean in that conversation, I just didn't have the presence of mind, I was so used to pretending it hadn't happened.
I know I should be honest with her now. But don't know how. I feel that not telling her immediately after finding out about the break-up makes it worse. I am ashamed to say I can cover up pretty convincingly, so am sure she has no idea I knew he was a wrong 'un. Also, I fear she will understand in hindsight why the friendship stalled like it did, and feel doubly betrayed.
Arrgh. WWYD??