She just don't fucking sleep!!!!!

[littleoralot]

I have a almost 1yo dd. She's never been the best sleeper but in late November got poorly with d&v and didn't really sleep at all as she was so sick. Only way we could get her to sleep was rocking her in the pram. Then she got rid of that and got a cough. Then hand foot and mouth. So this whole period of illness she didn't get much sleep and only slept in her pram.

Well she's been absolutely fine since Christmas Eve and she still won't sleep in her cot 😭😭😭. We have played white noise for her to sleep through since birth. I've tried rolling towels up underneath the bottom sheet to make it more cosy. I've tried putting her to sleep on the feeding pillow in the cot. Doesn't work. I've tried everything I can think of. White noise. Pitch black. Little lamp. Holding her hand. Stroking her face. Giving her a comforter. Putting one of my tops in there that smell of me. Nothing seems to be working.

She usually falls asleep on my lap after a bottle and I used to put her in her cot once asleep. Now she wakes up sobbing the minute her bum touches the mattress no matter how much I try. She then takes a decade to resettle again and get back off to sleep. Im talking hours.

She's still having 3 bottles in the night occasionally 4. She has CMPA so is on nutramigen milk they don't do hungrier baby version of it. If it's not milk she's woke for it's a dummy or just a cuddle. She's slowly Getting worse and worse. Her routine is dinner bath pjs story and bottle I don't know what else to do. She eats plenty during the day. Lots of filling healthy food 3 meals plus snacks and water.

I've been to my health visitor who was absolutely useless. I don't have the money for a sleep consultant. But I'm dying of sleep deprivation and beginning to lose my shit. Pleaseeeeeee help me before I go nuts.

Sorry for the rant. I'm currently sat on the sofa in tears whilst she is singing and laughing in her pram after she woke up when I tried to put her in her cot earlier about 8 😭 I'm just so so so shattered.

Please someone give me some advice 😫

Hello I don't have any advice. But I suffered from sleep deprivation and it's just awful. Do you have any back up help? You will feel like a new person after 48 hours sleep. I mean, I say it's awful but I actually can't remember much about that entire period....I was either too tired or mentally blocked it. Hopefully someone with practical advice comes along soon.

I know it's not recommended, but have you tried co-sleeping? Sometimes it's the only thing that works.

Sympathies. It’s sounds she’s got out of the habit of being able to settle to sleep on her own.

Given she’s 1 and healthy, would you consider leaving her to cry for a few minutes to settle herself down? You could go in and give her a pat every few minutes so she knows she not abandoned.

Ah you’re doing great, hold on in there - it does get easier. Maybe try limiting day time naps? Can you take her for a spin in the car to get her to nod off and then try transferring her to her cot? Can you try napping in the day when she does?

I ended up falling asleep on DS by the way, which prompted me to go to GP who basically told me to go to bed and leave everything to DH (he got signed off work on carers leave). I was pumping like a maniac. Happy days

DS sleep like a log now. So do I! This too will pass, I promise you. I hope you're ok.

I’m currently lying in bed with my one year old DD, i know co sleeping isn’t for everyone but we’ve done it with her from birth following the safety guidelines. My eldest is a terrible sleeper and this time around I just did whatever necessary to get some sleep!!

Hate to say this, but some children just won't sleep! Mine didn't sleep a full night till she started school. And didn't sleep properly until she was 6/7.
Tried co-sleeping, controlled crying, everything. Little moo would just not sleep.

Also not much advice here sorry but I do remember how awful it was when my DC’s were little, both terrible sleepers! Agree that seeing if you can draft in someone else to do bedtime for a couple of nights could help. I’ve done it a couple of times for family members and it was so much easier to put up with the crying and other bedtime nonsense with DC’s that aren’t ‘mine’ for some reason. I think that when you’re in an ongoing cycle of a baby not sleeping that it’s more difficult to deal with, because you’re exhausted, can’t see and end to it and being a mother seems to make it impossible to detach yourself from them and just see it as a task to grit your teeth and get through. If you don’t have help remember that so long as your DC is safe and can’t do themself any harm such as climbing out of a cot they won’t be damaged by you closing the door and going in to another room for 10 minutes to clear your head and take some deep breaths. I had some horrible nights with mine and always worried that I was doing them some kind of physchological damage by leaving them to cry for 10 minutes or so when I was at the end of my tether but can report that they have grown up to be two confident, happy kids!

This may seem bonkers but the only way we cracked it was I go in the damn cot. I gave the bottle then with us both awake I climbed in and pretended to sleep (as well as you can when contorted!). She mucked about for ages at first but over a week it worked. I started singing to her while she fell asleep to make a sleep association. After she started falling asleep with me in the cot for a week (getting out is ninja fucking hard) I put her in on her own and sat right next to the cot singing the same song. She fought it but wasn't hysterical. Slowly I backed the the chair away a bit each night. I realise this sounds insane but it was the only without just leaving her to scream.

Singlenotsingle suggested co-sleeping. I agree, it was the only thing that worked for mine. It's not forever and it is actually rather cosy.

Have you tried bedsharing with her? Look up the “safe 7” rules and maybe try it for a few nights... it will take a bit of time but it should help her to get used to sleeping at night again and in bed too. Then when she wakes you’ll be right there with her and can offer a bottle/ dummy/ cuddles straight away which will mean you both get a lot more sleep. Good luck and if you have any kind of support network, now is the time to ask for help.
This shall pass and it will improve!

If you do not want to co sleep she has to learn to put herself to sleep again. Did you do this from birth? Put her down to sleep. Leave her to cry for a bit. Go in and settle her with a touch don’t speak or just speak softly and say night night. Do it every 10 minutes then every 20 minutes or so increasing time in between until she stops. It may take a week or 2. Also get rid of baby bottles. Feed as normal during day or increase if she seems hungry and do not feed during the night. That should help. Good luck

OP sorry to hear your having a tough time. I understand what your going through my DD was (is still a bad sleeper) we've co-slept from when she was a few months old & shes now 3.5 - its the only way we get sleep, its not what we wanted but we had no choice. As i keep saying its not forever & it will pass but i long for my bed to be child free (i do love the cuddles though).
We also have Dd2 in our room still she is 5 months old she is currently a good sleeper hopefully she stays that way!

So i think if your up to it i think you should give co-sleeping a go.

Hi I think is is drinking too much milk. Start watering it down until is just water. She is old enough to go old night without milk.
Also maybe is time for sleep training I'm sure you can google it.
If at all possible get some naps just to catch up.
So glad she is feeling better but this lack of sleep isn't good for either of you.
Good luck and be strong.

All night

Morning everyone. Sorry for the late replies DD ended up dozing off and I fell asleep sitting up on the sofa!!!

I've tried co-sleeping plenty of times but she just fidgets and pulls my hair wanting to play with it for comfort 😫.

That sounds like a good idea about getting in her cot with her. Worried il get my fat ass stuck 😂 but deffo gonna try it tonight.

With regards to controlled crying I tried it once and I lasted all of 10 minutes before I caved in and spent all night sobbing that I was an awful mum. She got herself hysterical and took forever to calm down. Hats off to people who can do it but I found it so hard and upsetting.

Good idea about watering milk down. She eats plenty during the day and doesn't really need the milk. I've tried her on just water but she's not silly she knows the difference and won't have it.

She's such a happy clever girl during the day and I genuinely love the bones of her and playing with her and spending time with her. It just gets to about 7pm and I fill myself with dread.

DH works long hours in quite a manual job so he couldn't really go to work on lack of sleep due to safety. He does help plenty when he gets home and does his fair share on weekends. But that's not what I need I need a night nanny 😂.

Is Millpond sleep clinic any good??? I called them this morning just to ask for prices £160 for a one off consultation 😫. I can borrow the money from my mum but it would take me a little while to pay back so it would deffo have to be worth it for me to spend that money.

I will take everything on board and give it a go tonight. Thank you ladies you may have saved my sanity.

If she sleeps in the pram you could try putting the pram in the cot (just the top bit obviously, I’m poorly and can’t think what it’s called!). We did this when going from Moses basket to cot with dd.
I remember the awful sleeping! We shared a bed with the other two which helped.

Hi
Really feel for you!!! What are her naps like in the day?? We started following the little ones sleep program and it’s been a game changer!!! It was around £40 but worth every penny. Lots of advice on how to get the babies to self settle. But ultimately naps are really important in the day ... sleep breeds sleep!!

If you tell us her normal daytime routine we might be able to advise? Is she getting plenty of fresh air and activity during the day so that she is physically tired. Don't let her sleep after 3pm and try and get her outside in the afternoon.

Millpond sleep clinic do a book which we tried, lots of good suggestions on this thread already. Consistentancy is key but bloody hard when your exhausted and running on empty. A bed next to yours? So you can lie your hand into the cot to pat/ soothe but equally have your own sleep space or sleep like we did for 2 loonngg years on a camping mat on the floor next to the cot (don’t reccommend that...but that’s how quickly a week turns into 2yrs when your exhausted!)
My second child was nothing like the the first, so it’s also a lot down to the child’s personality. Good luck it’s utter torture when your in the middle of this bit but it will get better in time, just do what you need to do to survive.

Sleep train! Shush pat.

I stopped giving DS night feeds at 6 months and left him for a minute before going to him if he woke up and within a few days he was sleeping through and has done ever since, the key was definitely just stopping the night feeds, my health visitor told me not to cut it down but to just stop and it worked a treat