Men and gyms.... do they put you off going?

[Vagabond]

I recently re-joined a gym after previously being very super- fit, and now being super-lardy. Wow, the attitude of men in the free weights area! You'd think the gym belonged to them. I never felt that before. It's no wonder so many women are intimidated by gyms. At least I know what to do with weights, but still... I just felt so small. I wore a baseball cap and earphones to make myself invisible.

I don't love going to the gym to begin with, and this just puts me off. Are you the same or am I looking for excuses?

Before getting my own gym, I used the free weights area exclusively. I had a few looks for the first week or two but when they saw how much effort I put in they just treated me like any other man in there.

Occasionally had offers to 'help' me move a bench or a bar which made me laugh, but they were just being nice if a bit misplaced.

Keep going and they will just ignore you like everyone else when you aren't a novelty.

Oh please don't make yourself invisible. Women too often have made themselves small to allow men to be big (literally and metaphorically). If I lived near you I'd come with you in an illuminous pink leotard with my big bum hanging out.

I never get the negative stuff from men at our local gyms, all are just normal behaviour. Anyone that leaves weights out is pulled up on it!

There is some loud throwing down of weights, but that seems to be both sexes and equally annoying!

I have been a weightlifter for a long time. IME men in the free weights area - if they notice anyone around them at all - tend to be impressed by dedication (you go regularly, so they see you regularly), good form, and (obv) how much you can lift.

Don't worry about them - just enjoy getting stronger and fitter :) - and (if I may make a suggestion) lose the baseball cap, it must get in the way, and if I saw someone wearing one in a gym it would make me look at them more!

Oh don’t worry about them. In my gym they are way too busy looking at each other (I’m guessing for comparison??) than interested in what I’m doing! Own it!

They can be a bit like that in my gym but most are actually helpful once I had been there a while a decade
After my spinal op I was doing rehab and people kept leaving stuff like 200kg plates on the leg press which I wasn't allowed to lift, they would clear all the plates off stuff for me and load up anything
If I ask for a bar, they ask what weight and rack it up for me. I am quite mouthy though and if someone is not using stuff and leaning on it I'll ask them to move

I just don't like the grunting etc noise pollution

In general if you know what you are doing they don't seem bothered taht you are a woman. Whether its just the bar or you have 200kg on it never feel like you don't deserve to be there.

Try a Crossfit or functional fitness gym with open gym times, way better. No mirrors usually. But often cold. :-)

Yep. Was laughed at, I was the ugly one. The loud comments about the beautiful tiny gym bunnies, the comments to my friend after she went from a size 8 to a 10 (you really need to sort that out from one guy, which set them all off laughing. At another gym another guy commented loudly aboit having to "look at THAT when we can look at THAT", making eye contact with me as the size 14 and then motioning to the pretty size 6 on the tread mill). Gave up after the 3rd gym, will start running on my own where I don't have to listen to them after the kids are all finally in school.

The first couple of times I found the free weights room intimidating. With practice and improvement, I got used to it. I do think men are more likely to stand in front of me at the mirror or ask if I'm using my equipment than they are other men, but when I ask them to move/ tell them it's taken they're fine with that. I'm not a fan of the grunting and the throwing down weights, but I don't think many people are.

One thing I found interesting was a young (early 20s) guy telling me that he'd never gone into the free weights room at my gym because he found it so intimidating. So it's not a fear that only women have. The way I see it - they can judge what another man their age can lift but they have no idea what is 'good' for a woman my age, so they can't really judge me.

Thing is you need mirrors to check out your form - can be a pain when I get the squat rack without the mirrors in front of me. Also I don't get why people care about other people saying stuff - i'm usually too much in the zone to notice!

I'm more intimidated by the super-fit women than the men. Nothing to do with how they behave or anything, they just look so much better than me

Generally a coach around who'll help with form. Plus a lot of people video bar path or whatever.

My DH was terrified, taken him years to come.

No, but I think that attitude is more related to the fact that regular gym goes HATE New Year Resolutioners though. At lot of them get territorial over the equipment during January or else you get a bunch of newbies you will never see again past March who don't know how to use anything hogging it so they can take a million selfies gloating about their new lifestyle change.

I get upset by comments. I'm also very sensitive to atmosphere & if it's a bit bro, it's uncomfortable.

I really should run women's only intro strength sessions, but I never get round to it.

So lucky at our gym, it’s a small independent place that has grown organically over a couple of years from a few members. So we all know each other and we are a terrifically close bunch, whether male or female. The guys are incredibly supportive and many of the girls are as fit and strong as the guys. There’s genuinely no issues of this type but they would be quickly squashed if there were.