Very strict (controlling) parents produce unsettled dc..

[thisisnothow]

It has become more and more apparent to me that parents who are very strict with their dc, and judgemental of less strict parents, seem to produce dc who are more anxious/unsettled. I have realised that all the dc I know who have struggled to settle into secondary school have, in general, controlling, pushy parents. I'm sure this is not the only cause, but of the dc I know it is. The male dc of these parents are also all verging on being bullies. Has anyone else noticed this trend or is it just a coincidence with the dc around here?

The girl who bullied dd at primary school had a very controlling mother. She even tried to be bossy and controlling of other parents. Eg. Would give unasked for parenting advice as if she was an expert and came over to advise other parents the correct way they should be encouraging the children in a netball match. Funnily enough as her daughter was a bully she was the last person I would be looking to for parenting advice.

Those children have had friendships managed to the nth degree they dont know how to make friends that's why their unsettled
I agree often the children in my experience are bullies but that's about guarding the status quo.
Those children are also often very successful in one or more fields such as sports or academics.
Different strokes for different folks.
But you can Lso have anxious sporty mean kids who don't have controlling parents its just unusual

From my armchair, perhaps a response to having such little control over their lives?

I think with parenting you reap what you sow.
Children do need boundaries and need to be taught to consider other people not just their own wants and desires.
You could also say the opposite OP - parents who don't reign in their children produce inconsiderate, badly behaved children.
My personal opinion is the middle ground works best in parenting but it's so important to teach children to consider others.

Interesting that others have had the same experiences.
Really well put @PurpleAndTurquoise - completely lax parenting does seem to produce similar dc.

Right, but you realise it is by degree? So the alternative is not to sit back and let them do what they want. I know adult children of less than strict parents and they aren't succeeding in life either.

Let's not pretend that not imposing sensible rules on your children is the way to go.

100% agree OP. Growing up my parents were incredibly strict and controlling. Mentally and physically abusive too. As a teenager I wasn't allowed go to discos, go out with boys and a lot of the time, not even allowed out with friends. I was 16/17 and this was happening. I never drank or smoked when I was a teenager because I would have been absolutely terrified of my parents reaction.

To this day (late 30's now) I have absolutely HORRENDOUS anxiety. It's caused me a lot of health problems and I have very little confidence.

Interestingly enough my brother has turned out to be an arrogant and aggressive bully just like his father and the majority of the men in that family.

I'm NC with all of them now. When I tried to talk to my mother about the abuse she told me I was a liar.

I hate them for not letting me grow up like every other normal teenager.

maybe difficult children make parents more controlling rather than the other way round. But I do tend to agree with you.

Interestingly, I've been looking at oppositional defiance and conduct disorders and one of the risk factors is 'harsh' parenting. But it doesn't qualify what harsh is.

I suppose some parents don't let have their DC any choices/control over themselves. Down to what they wear, friendships, games thy like etc...

Anyone bullied by parents is going to be anxious aren't they

My point was some parents want control of their children's social and academic lives, and to maintain that control they can become very strict so the kids don't slip.