I'm worried because I'm not sending my son to nursery yet

[12fromcold]

Morning all

Its now the time when the rest of my nct group are going back to work and their children are going to nursery.

I plan on sending my son to nursery for a day a week when he's around 18 months.

Am I doing him a disservice? I'm worried about him lagging behind because he's not getting the full nursery experience from early on.

I will be taking him to lots of toddler groups.

Thanks

Honestly please don’t worry. There’s no right or wrong here. Absolutely no harm will come to your DS by not being in nursery and 1 day per week at around 18 months is fine. If you didn’t want/need to send him then either that’s also fine. When DD was little it was normal for SAHPs to start their toddlers at a playgroup for 2 mornings or afternoons each week from around 2.5 years and that was it.

Morning! No disservice at all, my DS didn't start until 18 months - because I didn't have to go back to work - and he still only does 3 days now he's 3, much to the amazement of lots of people, including DM and MIL who expected me to pack him off full time at the earliest opportunity. He really enjoys the days he's there and gets a lot from them, but the same goes for the two days he's with me and DH (one each); it's a good balance between time with other children and "down time" that isn't busy or overly structured. As you're going to do toddler groups he'll get plenty of interaction from those to start with, no need to do exactly the same as your NCT group, who may not have a choice 🙂

Not at all OP
Mine started nursery at 1, he never settled so he stopped.
Now he will start with childminder soon, he is 2. But if he doesnt settle
He will be with me at home.

Absolutely fine to have kids at home until school. Yes sure, they will have to learn how it all works from scratch but they are also benefits

If is all good OP

Mine won’t go until she’s about 3 1/2. You’re not doing a disservice, you’re doing something perfectly normal. So long as you talk to him and aren’t just letting the TV babysit all day, he’ll be fine.

My DD didn't start nursery until she started the one attached to her school at 3 (mornings only). I was a SAHM so we went to toddler groups and a couple of classes. She started ballet at 2 (she kept asking to!). She was a summer born, but had no problems when starting school at all.
I think the benefits gained from constant 1-1 attention, as long as it is supplemented with social opportunities, is great for little ones.

Of course not. Mine didn’t start until 3.5, she’s taken to it amazingly. I also got to a point where everyone else was staring earlier and I worried but it’s such a short time I was glad I had that time at home with her. It’s not long before their off to school and you’ll look back and wish for these pre school days.

No disservice at all. Relax and ebjoy yoour baby. No need to rush him into growing up.

My little girl turned 3 in August and goes to nursery for mornings 2 days a week, we also go to toddler classes in the village. Her sister also started nursery at 3, she’s in reception now and is settling in fine

Wow, my spelling has lost the plot. sorry

Not at all! I've just lowered the amount of time my 3yr old does because it's her last year before school and I don't want to miss it. If you are both happy, that's the most important thing. I wish I'd done this with my eldest child, but I couldn't because of work. Enjoy each other!

My DS didn’t go to anything - not even a toddler group - until Reception year at proper school because we were living in Germany and there was nothing for him until age 4, by which time we’d come back to the UK.

We did the usual stuff every day and he was fine. Now at uni doing brilliantly.

Certainly not!
They don't need the 'nursery experience' at that age. Nursery is fine if the parents need it for work but staying home with lots of playgroups is probably nicer for very small kids (no judgement, I sent mine to nursery at 1 so I could go back to work)

Nursery is beneficial to children living in deprived circumstances - where their parents or carers are unable or unwilling for a range of reasons to talk to them in full sentences about lots of different things throughout the day, to teach them to use cutlery and to hold a pen and scribble, to read to them most days, to let them hear music and learn nursery rhymes, to socialise a little bit with other children - whether family members or at groups or friends' children, to get outside and run, climb and play most days, to have different sensory input like playing with water, sand, playdough, finger paints, collecting leaves and interesting stones etc etc.

If you do all that over the next 3 years then your child won't miss out by not going to nursery.

If your friends send their kids they'll be fine too, as ling as it's a good nursery.

A good nursery benefits deprived children but is neutral for children whose parents have the financial, social, educational and personal resources to engage with them as I just described. Statistically nursery before age 3 is of no benefit to children of university educated mothers (studies always look at the mother's educational level). That doesn't mean that it's harmful, only that statistically it's no better than being home with an educated and engaged parent.

After age 3 there are marginal social advantages for some children.

Not at all! If he's going to toddler group and interacting with friends children, getting quality time with you then imo he is getting the best you can give him. He's still very young, enjoy the time with him

Whatever you feel is best for you and your child is fine.

One of DS2s friends never went to anything, they tried her with nursery at 3 and she hated it, screamed the place down.

Now she’s a happy, friendly sociable 10 year old.

Well put blue skies

Nursery isn’t necessary, it’s a choice. We home educate and neither of mine (school age and pre school age dcs) have or will go to nursery, although I might have sent them part time at 3 or 4 if we’d been planning for them to attend school. There’s nothing nursery can provide that you can’t as a parent.

My comment obviously applies to sahps, for some people it’s necessary for child care.

I took mine to Stay and Play groups until she started the Nursery Class at the Primary school at 3 and a half. The last few months of stay and play she (and the other 'big kids' - that is the 3 year olds) would be off doing their own things, playing together and interacting with the play leaders. The parents would then be sat at the side drinking tea, chatting and cooing at the new babies. You don't need to send your child to Nursery if you don't want to. They can get independence and be socialible without going to a Nursery.

Thanks everyone, I do feel much better now

Just to add to everyone else - I have 4 boys and none of them went to nursery/pre school until a year before starting reception class. In fact, ds3 didn't go at all, just started in reception (reasons were - the schools were changing from 3 tier to 2 tier, ours was closing and they were moving to a new school at the Easter, we were planning on moving area so would be changing schools later, and it wasn't vital for him to go anyway.)

With the changes he could have ended up in 3 different nurseries in one year, not something we wanted to do to him.

In fact, that year we moved in the July and chose to 'otherwise educate', aka home school, ds2 for the last two weeks of the school year (ds4 was nearly one so not in school) so in reality he got an 8.5 week summer holiday. He was chuffed! The new school was failing ds1 (since been diagnosed with aspergers) anyway, so had pulled him out and was home educating him for a few months already, so felt justified not putting ds3 in their nursery before we moved.

The 3 oldest started at a nice village school the following September and ds4 did go to their pre-school the year before starting reception.

They all 'socialised' in toddler groups etc and could all count/identify letters, get dressed, use cutlery, say please and thank you etc before starting school so were not 'behind' children who had been to nursery from 6 months old.

It's probably a good idea to make sure your son is used to being around groups of children before he starts school, makes the transition a bit easier, but you have toddler groups to go to and are planning on putting him into nursery at 18 months anyway, but it is not necessary if you don't want to use nursery.

My children have not went to nursery until they had too at age 3/4 years old.i did lots of play dates so they got to be around other children.they grow up so fast enjoy the time with your child while u can.

Holding off til 18 months is fine but I’d do 2 days as it’s hard to settle in with one day.

Two days obviously doubles the price and I'll be sitting around doing nowt! Think 1 day is enough.

None of the nurseries around here seem to let people do two mornings (or afternoons). It's full days only

What about holding off til he's 2.5 and putting the money you save in a separate account to cover doing 2 or 2.5 days then? The settling in issue Sarah points out actually is the only flaw in your plan... It won't matter for some kids but others do find once a week a bit like a brand new start over and over again when so little.

I can see from a financial point of view why nurseries maximise revenue by only accepting full day children to avoid having hard to fill half day slots (probably every parent who doesn't work / doesn't work full time would want Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday morning and nobody much would want just Friday afternoon...) left open, but it's a pity as mornings only/ 4 hours per day is probably optimal for many of the preschool children themselves, especially under 3s.