Opinions wanted - ds14 and family holiday.

[herdiegirl]

Dh and I are wanting to book a family holiday. Have 2 ds. Ds1 will be 15 in the summer and is HF asd. Ds2 is 11. We are struggling to decide what to do/ where to go etc. We have in the last couple of years done AI holidays to Mexico and Barbados. However, ds1 seemed to prefer being on his own in the room with his phone. We have also in the past done camping in France and centre parcs with a bit more success but he was also younger then.

Have asked both ds for ideas on what they would like to do this year. Ds1 said he’d rather not go on holiday at all :-( He enjoyed a ski trip with the school and is due to do that again in 2020. However, he’d rather stay with his nan than come away with the rest of us.
At what age have your teens started to feel this way? Is it a teen thing or asd trait? It doesn’t feel right not to include him in our plans.

DS is still coming on holiday with us and he is almost 18, in sixth form currently. He is mercenary though and says why would he turn down a free holiday.

Could your ds stay with his gran and then you plan a city break for him. For example if he likes history he might enjoy a three day visit to Rome or Berlin rather than a sun holiday. Or somewhere with museums or connected to an interest of his, however random. My ds loved The Normandy Beaches etc to a sun holiday as think they found that much family time too intense.
They also preferred action holidays so at that age we went near a golf course so they played all day . Or did a surfing course.
My dc probably stopped at 17 but still loved city breaks even in college. More to see and shorter time away from friends.
As your ds has ASD l would be more inclined to go along with his decision as long as his gran is happy.

Sounds like my ds son who from age 13 said he was never going on a family holiday again. Consequently none of them ever did. I would be careful just thinking its a phase.

DD (13) was the same last year at Easter - we went away for a family break and all she wanted to do was text her friends and mess about on her phone. She reluctantly did some activities with us (and enjoyed them), but it was so different to previous years.

So, we did separate things in the summer. She took a trip that she wanted to go on with her Dad, while DS and I did something else. It worked out well.

I'd let him stay with his Nan, as long as he understands that he's a guest in her house and should be helpful and cooperative, etc.

Got 2 kids DD is 13 and NT and starting to want independence but just for odd day, participated fully on last holiday to Australia in summer. Getting some whining on days out as wants to be on phone / with her friends. Coming away with us this summer fine and she's quite excited about some of it, the alpacas and rafting. DS is 12 and ASD and at the imagine will still be holiday with us at 43 😂 DD is asking things like can she go on a 2 week summer camp with Army.

Has he been on his own for any length of time?

I do remember as a teen finding my parents holidays boring, they seemed to slow down whilst I was getting more active.

I went to a self catering cottage in France that had a swimming pool for us to use. We got some things to use while we were there. We got enough of those blow up things for them to have races on and generally fall off.

Best thing we did. My 15 year old loved that. Spent every part of our free time there.

We stayed near a place that had a fantastic climbing place. Him and my husband spent hours up in the trees climbing and going from one spot to another. We also went go kart racing. I dragged him
To the beach ( he did moan ) but that wasn’t too bad.

He did spend a lot of time in his room. But. I made him come down for every dinner. And made him join in board games which when he got started he did enjoy.

Sounds like it may be more of an asd thing then. We were able to allow him quite a bit of freedom within the hotel complex and let him suit himself largely. He joined us for meals sometimes reluctantly but seemed to enjoy getting snacks whenever he wanted.
junebirthdaygirl I think you may be right that he finds family time too intense. I’d love a city break etc. Still not convinced he’d want to do that at the moment.

What sort of things does he like doing normally / is he interested in?

My son is ASD and loves ziplining, whitewater rafting, volcanoes, snow, wildlife, rainforest / plants. You can get a few places you can ski in summer like Hintertux in Austria though its not so much for beginners more boy / girl racer skiers. Mine loved Costa Rica, went with TUI and were in rainforest next door you could zipline from a few hundred metres up at 60mph which ASD DS loved. Lots of wildlife and active volcanoes, monkeys, racoons, coati etc in hotel or 50 metres away. Beach with windsurfing, kayaking and SUP. I would try suggesting different things and see if you get any response. DD loved scuba diving.