Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Flip

Original poster

Low level bullying/ teasing - should I be worried?

15 replies

spidermantimetravel · 09/01/2019 17:39

I'm a regular poster but have NCed as I want to be as specific as possible without outing my other posts!

My son is in Y1 at school. Since reception, he's had problems with one other boy who pulls his hair, grabs his cheeks, pinches him when no-one's looking. In reception we told the teachers and they assured us our son wasn't being singled out, set up a behaviour chart with the other boy, and the behaviour stopped. Great.

As soon as Y1 began the behaviour started up again. Now it happens in the playground or at lunch time when the class teacher isn't there. We spoke to the teacher and she said she'd have a word with other teachers to look out for it. We've spoken to our son about saying No!, walking away, and/ or telling a teacher. But he is a shy and sensitive (very young for his year), and says things like "I just try to hide all the time when I'm at school," and "I don't think he will ever stop hurting me."

The class teacher doesn't seem very interested when we speak to her. I think because it doesn't happen in her classroom there isn't anything she can do about it. Today DS came home saying that the other boy "says mean things that hurt my feelings." I've seen him do things like run over to DS and scare him, and whisper things in the line up at the start of the school day. And he's always staring at us at drop offs and pick ups. He seems to really dislike my DS, and I don't know why - we've had him over for a playdate where they seemed to have a good time (before any of this started), and DS can't remember any arguments.

I don't want to make a mountain out of a molehill, and other than this DS is happy and popular. But I really don't want this to continue and would like to break the pattern as soon as possible. I hate the idea that DS is scared of going to school or is trying to hide himself away during the school day. I really don't want it to get any worse.

Has anyone been in a similar situation and do they have any advice? Should I speak to the school again? What should I say?

OP posts:

Sparklingbrook · 09/01/2019 17:44

I would make an appointment with the head teacher now. The teacher has failed to address things adequately.

I had a shy and sensitive DS at that age and he suffered low level bullying from one child for a long time. The school never seemed to catch him at it though.

brassbrass · 09/01/2019 17:48

Yes speak to the school again and ask them what they are going to do to address it. Don't let them fob you off and say unfortunately if it is not dealt with I am either going to have to speak to you every time it happens or keep him off school until they can keep him safe.

If you are not getting joy from the class teacher speak to the head and say it's an ongoing problem and you're worried it's not being taken seriously. Ask what their anti bullying policy is.

BatFaced · 09/01/2019 17:49

I'd be making that mountain out of a molehill and going to the head teacher. I'd want a very clear plan of how they intend to tackle the bad behaviour of this other child and an assurance that he will be kept away from your son and/or fully supervised at all times

brassbrass · 09/01/2019 17:52

Whatever you do don't waste any time feeling awkward about sticking up for your child. These things can be insidious and have long lasting impact on your child.

Sparklingbrook · 09/01/2019 17:52

I tried to tell DS not to react. He struggled though. The bully got the reaction they wanted every single time from him. DS being very upset and very often there were tears.

I was bullied at school and found it heartbreaking that DS was getting the same experience.

Original poster

spidermantimetravel · 09/01/2019 18:02

Ok, very clear responses. Thank you! I will talk to the school again tomorrow.

So, should I go back to the class teacher, express how worried I am and say if it can't be dealt with in the classroom then I'll go to the head?

OP posts:

Sparklingbrook · 09/01/2019 18:05

No, I would skip the teacher and go straight to the Headteacher now, especially as the class teacher doesn't seem too bothered.

I would email the Head and ask for an appointment asap.

BatFaced · 09/01/2019 18:15

No. I'd pop in and ask to have a chat with the head teacher. You don't need to make anything of 'going over the teachers head' but if HT mentions anything you could say ' I'm not happy with how it's been dealt with so far.'

Try and stay factual. He should be able to come to school and feel happy and secure and safe and you'd like the school to reassure you that that will be the case. You do not want him ostracised or removed elsewhere - you'd like this other child effectively monitored and kept away from your child if he cannot behave himself. Ask to see their anti bullying policy and ask how they implement it.

It really is that simple. Try not to be all up in arms and upset - go in there thinking ' right, I'm my sons advocate here and I am bloody well sorting this out!'

They're all really little so this should be bloody simple for the school to sort out

Original poster

spidermantimetravel · 09/01/2019 19:04

Ok, thank you everyone!

OP posts:

brassbrass · 09/01/2019 19:20

Yes don't be emotional upset parent stereotype as easy as that is to say. Adopt a business like factual approach: problem happened, this action was taken, problem happening again, have approached teacher but not seeing any difference and now wanting to discuss other courses of action so I can support my son to stop feeling like he has to be afraid and hide from bully child.

LegoPiecesEverywhere · 09/01/2019 21:15

Yes I would definitely go to the head. I can’t believe the teacher was so disinterested. Your poor son.

Original poster

spidermantimetravel · 11/01/2019 10:20

Update: I spoke to the head teacher and he took it really seriously and I feel very reassured. ds was there too and I think it was important for him to hear us discuss it on those terms - not ds’s fault, the other boy needs to be monitored, etc. We’ll see what happens next but thanks for all your support! I was able to go into the meeting without feeling apologetic or like I was causing trouble, but just that I’m my son’s advocate and this needs to be addressed

OP posts:

Sparklingbrook · 11/01/2019 10:33

Well done spider. I hope they can put something in place to ensure your son feels safe.

OoohAyyye · 11/01/2019 12:10

Brilliant news OP. Well done

hellabellabluebell · 11/01/2019 12:24

My advice as a kid who was bullied terribly at school - kids will shit themselves if they think they're in serious trouble. If your DS just responds with "okay I'll go to the headteacher", they'll be shocked that a) your DS has the balls to do that and b) this is serious and parents will get involved. The minute your son walks back inside during break those other kids will panic like crazy, they just see it as fun and not something to take seriously. Discuss it with the headteacher about a safe place for your son to go when things get bad. I used to just go back inside and talk to the headteacher, that is their job after all. Confidence will scare the bullies and they will definitely back off, especially once they see how many adults he has on his side. Good luck!

Flip