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Please stop me from telling MIL to stop being a bitter cold hearted.......

14 replies

Lastdaysof2018 · 09/01/2019 15:35

My MIL is being a pain on the arse to the point where I feel like I'm eventually going to lose my patience and say something bitchy back. I don't really want to do this. But my tongue is sore from biting it. Despite her family doing well and being very generous (holidays, cash, car) she is pining for the life she thought she deserved. She has mentioned her disappointment over the years. In front of her family. She has a real cold streak and her family make excuses for her. Naturally, they are protective of her. She's never been pulled up for her bad behaviour and so it continues. Now her actions are because she's 'old'.
I've been respectful, not got involved, made it easy for my husband but now we have a child who she is snarking about not seeing enough of him despite not making any effort to call or visit. We live an hour away. Any tickets would be paid for. There is a spare room. She would go home with taxi money that she would pocket and choose to get the bus.
To be fair she is full of cuddles and games when I take him but she wants regular visits at her home, at a time that suits and preferably lunch brought too.

I keep bearing in mind one day I will be a MIL, be patient but this woman needs told.

OP posts:
cjt110 · 09/01/2019 15:44

Keep repeating that she is welcome to visit.

We had a tete a tete a few years back with our IL's after it had bubbled on for years. Prior to DS coming along, whilst it irked us that it was always us doing the 3 hour trip to see them, we did it.

Once DS came along it mattered and after 2 years of tongue biting, and an incident later, it all came out. I seem to recall saying "I don't give a shit what you think of me but you ought to care for your son and grandson and want to visit"

Since then we have had several trips from MIL to see us and she is more than ever involved with us. FIL still barely acknowledges I exist but who cares. My son is being cared for and by his paternal GP's which is enough for me.

Sometimes, as painful as it can be to speak out, it needs it. If not for your own sanity but for your child and their relationship with your IL's.

HildaZelda · 09/01/2019 16:16

I think we may have the same MIL OP, because I'm getting closer and closer to snapping and telling mine to go fuck herself. It's going to happen sooner or later.
Sorry I'm not of much help, but I can certainly sympathise.

Lastdaysof2018 · 09/01/2019 16:25

cjt110- thanks for your advice. I don't want to cause a fight. I'm not expecting anything from her other than being fair and stop with all the snarky crap.
Sorry to hear your about FIL ignoring you. That is pretty awful.

OP posts:
cjt110 · 09/01/2019 16:32

@Lastdaysof2018 Ah don't sweat it. If he's a being enough arsehole to blank me, I won't let it get to me. I can't change him being an arsehole but I can change my reaction to him. And I just let it go. And occasionally talk directly to him in front of others so he HAS to reply to me

Just stand firm and say that she can come to you.

Bluntness100 · 09/01/2019 16:36

Would you really prefer her to come and stay with you overnight, rather than you go visit her? I'm struggling to believe this would be a better solution for any of you.

Lastdaysof2018 · 09/01/2019 18:36

HildaZelda- There would be no coming back from the tsunami of swear words I have to offer. I have been rehearsing this for 10 + years. They all think I'm really calm. Inside I'm the Hulk(Lou Ferrigno).

Bluntness- you are spot on! The thought of regular sleepovers has me reaching for anti-histamines with a gin chaser.

OP posts:
HildaZelda · 09/01/2019 18:45

#Lastdays, we're definitely thinking along the same lines!
When I started going out with DH years ago, a work colleague who knew MIL 'jokingly' warned me about her.
I wish I'd bloody well listened now!

Lastdaysof2018 · 09/01/2019 18:54

I keep chanting:
One day you will be a MIL. One day you will be a MIL. One day you will be a MIL. One day you will be a MIL.

This stops me from tipping the coffee table, looking her dead in the eye and saying, 'your sandwiches are dry'.

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 09/01/2019 18:56

Why do you have to pay her to visit?

partypooper40 · 09/01/2019 18:57

I get a bit sad that my ILs dont really bother to come and see the DSs. OR call them or videochat. Its a bit crap really.

My parents on the other hand see them weekly. I guess we see who who cares more.

Lastdaysof2018 · 09/01/2019 19:02

MIL has no spare cash. We would pay for any travel so that she was never be out of pocket. That's not an issue at all. Not saying thank you or appreciating what she has is the issue.

OP posts:
Lastdaysof2018 · 09/01/2019 19:10

Partypooper40
Same here. They were bought an iPad and phones and cameras but not interested in using any of them. MIL gets really pissed of when we spend time with my folks who do keep in touch. Her face changes at the mere mention of other Granny.

OP posts:
metronome1 · 09/01/2019 19:14

If dh was not an only child I would swear you were my sil.
I have no advice as I'm still biting my tongue. Not sure how much longer that will last.

Lastdaysof2018 · 11/01/2019 11:21

Metronome1- must be harder being the only child and dealing with that on your own.

OP posts:
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