Promiscuity and Parental affection - are they linked?

[daffydowndilys]

I have wanted to post this for a while. I hope I don't offend anyone in doing so.

Growing up I had every thing I wanted bought or given to me. They gave me their time doing things and going on holiday but I also spent time in boarding school etc at a young age.

Growing up I was desperate for affection and flirted like mad with the boys. I wasn't very attractive so I wasn't really very successful at school boys wise. After I left school this continued and I became quite promiscuous.

Looking back, I think this is maybe because I never really had that affection from my parents. I have only said 'I love you' to my mum once and that was in the last year in response to her saying it first. I don't think I have ever said it to my dad, nor heard it from him. We were not an affectionate family at all.

Does anyone else feel similar?

I tell my young dd that I love and adore her probably 50 times a day.

Or are times just more different now and that we throw the love word around so much more?

I wonder if it is a generation thing. People of a certain were all brought up with the "stiff upper lip". It might have been to do with the Wars. They would have been around in WW2. They were possibly brought up by parents who lived through WW1 and the Depression. I think they held back from feeling and showing affection because of the amount of death at those times. The people who lived through the WW2 are likely the grandparents of today's parents of youngish children. The parents who brought up the parents of now were not likely shown much in the way of affection or being told they were loved. People currently aged in the 60 lived in a time when penecillian maybe was just found, so DCs in that time could die of things we now consider minor such as chicken pox measles etc.
I think it was like a cloak of self-preservation from hurt.
I don't know where the connection to promiscuity would come in but I could understand feeling the need of affection.

My dm was harsh, df absent. I had very low standards in the male company I chose. Including dh's.
My dc know they are well loved, admired +respected.

i think promiscuity is a loaded term, and there are all sorts of reasons a woman might like a lot of sex.
I think in some cases it can probably be linked to affection seeking and validation that she didnt get in childhood, but I dont think its always that

I think so.

Narc mother and absent/enabling father, neither of whom ever gave the slightest indication that I was anything but an under-achieving nuisance. As a teenager I was desperate for the affection I had never had and used sex, the only bargaining tool I thought I had, to get it. I was nearly fifty before I managed to work it all out, with two disastrous marriages and a string of broken, abusive relationships behind me.

My DC know they are much loved, as they are.

It's an interesting idea, OP - I'd never made the connection before

It's something that I hadn't really connected until recently. I have an 8 year old dd.

By 8 I'd had crushes.

At the moment she shows no signs of any interest in boys, which I know won't last much longer.

A friends daughter is 9 and showing a lot of interest in boys and writing in her diary about how to attract boys etc.

Yes, for me very much.

Parents provided a stable secure home but not much in the way of affection or emotional intelligence/resilience.

I ended up with a huge crush on the first boy who showed any physical interest in me (by snogging me and generally copping a feel at parties) and chased him madly even though he was in no way suitable.

Was heavily promiscuous through my mid to late twenties, with a very damaging relationship with a controlling father figure.

I have settled down to a normal middle class suburban life with DP and DD now, but I don't really trust physical passion anymore (although I miss it wistfully).

I think so OP. My parents have never said they love me and I do tend to sleep with men quickly in a relationship. I seem to need affection and validation that I am wanted. I got counselling though and deal with it better now.

I absolutely agree. I never felt loved by my DM and didn't see DD much. I shagged anything with a pulse for years because for that brief moment I felt important to someone.

Hmm. I think it's more about what your perception of sex is. I have a friend who had a fairly loveless upbringing who gets a lot of her self worth from others. Sex was a dirty wors in her house. She isn't "promiscuous" (unpleasant word I think) but has had three long-term relationships all of which have been damaging to her. She's very needy as well.

I had a very happy childhood and still have a great, loving relationship with both my parents. But I shagged loads at uni. I could have been described as "promiscuous". I enjoyed sex, enjoyed meeting new people and was confident about what I wanted. Never felt bad about it for a moment. I've also never had a damaging relationship.

So yes, I think it all depends on your attitude to sex - which is ingrained in your upbringing - whether or not you see having lots of sex as a bad thing.

But I shagged loads at uni. I could have been described as "promiscuous".

If you don't mind me asking, did you just shag people you really fancied or were your standards pretty low?

In my case, I was with some very attractive guys but also got very drunk and ended up with some guys that made me recoil the next day. Anything for a bit of affection and to feel wanted

Agatha me too, I took any affection or attention from anywhere. I got myself into a lot of trouble (luckily I managed not to get pregnant though).

I'm OK now, met a lovely soul and settled down.

Sorry is promiscuous isn't the right word.