Snapping at toddler

[nomorearsingmermaids]

So patience has never been one of my virtues and I knew before I ever had kids that this was going to be a stumbling block for me - DS is nearly 3 now and I find myself snapping at him very often and feel terrible about it.

He's a good little boy for the most part but he does all the usual toddler things - at the moment he wants to do absolutely EVERYTHING himself which when we are trying to rush out the door in the morning is very infuriating. He decides 2 minutes before we leave the house he wants a bowl of cereal (he eats breakfast at nursery and has a bit of toast first thing at home anyway). Then when I say we haven't got time he throws a fit. Again all normal I know but I get so wound up by it when we are already late and I speak sharply to him.

He's also very, very anal. Everything has to be just so. Gets annoyed if we don't cross the road at the right bit. When he's drinking milk he has to be watching a specific TV show. Has to have chair at table on a specific side.

Basically my question is, if, like me, you are an impatient person - how do you deal with a toddler?

First, cut yourself some slack. We’re all human and a good day with a toddler is one where you don’t have a meltdown to match theirs.

Most toddler tantrums are due to hunger/thirst/tiredness/overstimulation or frustration. If you can keep on top of these factors you can reduce toddler moments.

The same applies to adults. It’s not always possible to get enough sleep, eat regularly, finish a cup of tea or get a bit of calm head space but sometimes it’s really helpful in the moment to know that your temper is rising because you’re tired/hangry/run ragged. It can give you just enough perspective to help.

One thing I found really useful was whispering instead of shouting. It can be quite satisfying physiologically because it’s different to speaking, but it can also be very effective. Obviously I don’t mean instead of yelling when someone’s about to be run over!

For the routine stuff, try and prepare him for the change , “today we’re going to cross the road at the lamp post” or be prepared to comfort and reassure on the other side when you push through “see, we did it differently and everything is fine”.

In my experience mornings with dc are difficult so you can be cheerful about it or cranky. After a while they grow out of it whatever way you approach it. I think if you see your behavior as your challenge rather than the child’s behavior as the challenge, it’s easier to deal with. If that makes sense?

Thank you so much for your reply. Really helpful

Count to ten (for me, not the child )
Bribe (You can do x after you are dressed)
Distraction (oh look there's the neighbours dog, if we leave now we might see the ambulance again)
Compromise (I will put on your socks and then you do your trousers)
Choices (Do you want to put on your top or your trousers yourself)
Humour, try to make a joke out of it. Put his trousers on your head etc.

At that age, go with it as much as possible, allow extra time to do everything! Let him pick where to cross the road if you can, etc. It will improve...hopefully

Disclaimer...This might all be terrible advice and I snap too often.

I'm trying to see the bigger picture too...obviously you don't want to be late for nursery/work but it's not the end of the world. Sometimes after huge drama I end up a few min early for work, or get delayed elsewhere and really the drama was pointless

I make a game out of a lot of things if DD is having a stroppy moment and doesn’t want to do anything

‘Can you put your pants on in 10 seconds’
‘I bet you cant go and get in the toilet all by yourself and do a wee’
‘Can you show me how to put your trousers on?’

Then lots of praise when she does it

Bribery and games and stuff don't really work with DS sadly - he's got a hugely one track mind!!!!

Very occasionally I can bribe him with a biscuit. But distraction, forget it. It has never worked, even when he was a baby.

Be super organized, and leave much much earlier then you need to for the school run, or aim to anyway.

It takes ten minutes for me to walk to school. We have to be there at nine. So I start getting ready to leave at twenty post to allow for them getting their own coats on etc, and levee the house twenty to at the latest, giving me double the time of need in case toddler wants to walk, stop and look at something, he a melt down they I need to talk them through.

Does wonders for my sanity.

Everything has to be just so.

Remind you of anyone?

Seriously, remember he's still just learning the very basics. He wants to please you. We all snap sometimes. When you hear yourself start a sentence in an angry voice change the tone straight away. Most of the meaning of what we communicate is through the tone of our voice. The suggestion about whispering is great.

Taking no notice works wonders too.
He shouldn’t get to dictate your day - eve if he is a small boy.
By there very nature they’ll try to take charge, it actually helps to not let them!
They’ll tantrum at first, but soon realise you are in charge and they will get a sense of relief from that!
Too often l see parents at their wits end because ( for example) little child won’t get in the child seat in the trolley. Mum actually has zero control and refuses to just pop him in and do the shopping!
Good luck.
Their job is to wind us up!