Adult child and everyone else’s money!

[Returning2thesceneofthecrime]

Need to vent!

I’ve posted about her behaviour before but this one has me fuming (probably more than I ought to be).

DSD is permanently broke. Ex not paying child maintenance. Living on benefits. She asked us to pay for something very important for her three days ago. She needed a certificate in order to prove practical experience in a field for a job application. Note - application/interview process, she hasn’t been offered a job yet.

This morning, she calls to bitch about her brother and her mother. She asked her mother to babysit last night. Her mother agreed but due to illness, brother living at home would be the babysitter really. Understandably, brother was not having it as this is just the last of number of ways he has been dumped on. Anyway, it ended in shouting and storming off and DSD hiring a babysitter for the evening.

So much for being broke! She would have had to pay at least 60% (a very low estimate) of the certificate cost for a babysitter for her night out. Never mind the cost of the night out. Yet two days earlier, she couldn’t afford it and desperately needed our help.

I was getting really pissed off about the babysitter cost earlier but now I have typed it all out, I realise she would have needed money for her night out too! I take it back, I am fuming just the right amount.

How do you handle a 30 year old who is that irresponsible despite have children of her own to look after? We want to help her back on her feet but she is seriously taking the piss!

Just say no and mean it.

Agree. Just say no. And don’t hand out any money.

Ok I appreciate I don’t know the back story but on the face of it she is trying to get work and also treating herself to a night out. Maybe she should have told you that she was trying to also finance a night out when she asked you for money but do you seriously expect a young woman not to go out at all. This is where the back story must come in.

Ugh we have one of these entitled yet hard done to relative! We’re the go to people when the chips are down but then will post on fb about getting nails/brows done for nights out.
We ended up just saying no to cash and offering practical support and budgeting advice.

If you can't afford to do it, you don't; not fair to expect it of you.
Don't get involved, she'll work things out. Sounds as though she doesn't have much of an ex to be honest. She's 30, by late thirties she'll have worked things out 7 be more stable. Be nice, you obviously have been over the years, no reason to stop now.

Stop worrying! You wouldn't see her starve, I'm sure. Just do what you can and no more.

Maybe she should have told you that she was trying to also finance a night out when she asked you for money but do you seriously expect a young woman not to go out at all. This is where the back story must come in.

If you can't afford a night out then you don't have a night out. They're not a right!

It sounds as if she prioritises her money, just tell her no next time.

30 years old??!

Just say no. She’ll never learn otherwise.

Maybe she should have told you that she was trying to also finance a night out when she asked you for money but do you seriously expect a young woman not to go out at all. This is where the back story must come in.

Surely if she can't afford to go out, she doesn't go? Its not a god given right to go out..

For Fuck’s Sake!

Just had a chat to her mum. She gave DSD money for the certificate before Christmas.

DH is furious and refusing to talk to DSD at all now. He will have changed his mind by tomorrow but I think that means she has (finally) crossed a line. God, I hope so. I have head enough of being her banker.

We have tried to offer practical help, support and advice but she hasn’t been willing to accept it. That will remain available for her because she needs it. I really hope this focuses her mind on the essentials.