How DO you move on from petty injustices?

[paddlingwhenIshouldbeworking]

Ok so I booked a charity event for two families (booked online). Not something I particularly want to go to but it's local and I'd like to support the charity for various reasons. A couple of hours later I realised I'd booked one ticket too many. I emailed to ask if they could refund the extra ticket. Nope. Tickets are non refundable (which I knew). I know that's the terms and conditions but felt an error noticed within hours for an event in April deserved a little goodwill.

But boy do I feel the injustice - not helped by the brevity of the reply both times I have asked. I know people at the charity, it would be embarrassing to push any further.

But I'm so annoyed and I know basically I am annoyed because I feel someone's won and I haven't got my own way rather than the fact that the money will make a difference to me. Isn't that awful ? In my head I keep constructing snarky replies and letters to the charity chair/trustees and wondering about wording which would make them regret their actions, and thinking to myself I just won't buy any drinks on the night (of course I would not do this, I actually want to support the charity).

This is all in my own head but I need my head back. The reason I am posting is because it happens pretty often. All smooth sailing on the surface but underneath petty injustices are wreaking havoc. In a couple of days I'll forget, but why can't I forget now and do my tax return instead of drafting imaginary messages.

Margo I totally see your point. I think for me its a matter of distinguishing between the things that are worth getting upset about and those that are not. Letting go of things that are not worth your anger doesn't have to mean suppressing all your anger (or sadness or disappointment or whatever). And maybe saving your head-space and emotional energy makes it easier to handle the big things that actually matter?

The impression I got from the OP was that she was spending a lot of time going over and over in her head something that, at the end of the day, isn't really that big a deal. Like Chakira said -- is this something you're still going to care about in five years, or even five months? I totally recognized that feeling of obsessively going over and over what I should have said or done or worrying over an imagined injustice. But in my own experience, the worrying over it sometimes ends up being more upsetting than the thing itself.

As it happens, entirely coincidental to posting in this discussion, today my DP did something that made me the angriest I have ever been in our entire (very happy) relationship -- so bad that we had to book an emergency joint session with his therapist, spent most of the day crying and talking, and it's the closest I've ever come to knowing what it would take for me to leave him. I'm not going to leave him, in part because my anger was such a shock to both of us it's going to lead to change.

So I guess my point is, some things are worth being angry about, and those are often the things that also spur us to make changes or take action. The things that are already done and gone, that are just annoying or accidental, and that aren't going to matter that much in the great scheme of things... let it go, let it goooo

(still got that effing song in my head )

Letting go is definitely different to suppressing. For me, the clue is in the language we use - to let go of something is to open the hand that's gripping it and allow it to be released. It isn't stored within the body that way. Some people say give it back to God - to me that looks like turning my face skyward and sending it upwards so that a higher power can have it (in my eyes that's so they can transmute the negative into positive). To suppress to me feels much more like to push down inside my body, and feels yuck, heavy, whereas to let go feels lighter. I'm definitely not perfect at doing it but you might find an exercise that works for you, like writing it all on a piece of paper and burning it in a candle, or gong outside into nature and letting go of it, allowing the wind to take the paper from you.

Forgot to say thank you to EllaEllaE and ChakiraChakra for explaining the difference between letting go & suppression. Very helpful.

I forgot about the very gratifying thing that is putting it in writing.
Sometimes a well worded complaint, sometimes just an unreadable rant on paper. I find where the piece of writing ends up is not as important as the act of writing it.

Another good way to "let go" or let it out